School refusal and difficulty settling into routine

It could possibly be having to do something he wasn’t comfortable with in a certain room, something sensory like dressing or washing. I know he’s fallen asleep downstairs been carried up to his bed and woken in his bed the next morning, he then refuses to go back downstairs.

How many areas? Which specific ones? Is it permanent (such as seeing a ghost in a corner and never wanting to go near it again). Is he in the middle of a thing when asked to go to an area (kitchen, etc.)? What is happening in the moment? It is a sudden expectation? 

More often than not, an issue will have something to do with interruptions, which are like waking a sleep walker. Task switching will always be a severe difficulty and can cause accidents, brain fog, not just severe frustration (we feel everything with more intensity). This is due to the brain 'defaulting' to right brain thinking which doesn't sense chronology or linear time but the eternal / aeon / moment sense of time and hyper focus.

Perhaps there's another reason. But this is one of primary difficulty for most parents with autistics - and predominantly because we live in a society with increasing smash-cut demands for our attention and think this is normal. Traditionally, a natural inclination toward being highly focused is a skill not everyone has and will someday be valuable. What tends to go part and parcel with this for Autistics, is the drive toward resolution. Finishing one thing at a time and then moving on to the next. In fact, constant interruptions can destroy this potential and also cause trauma, decreased learning, decreased esteem not just conflict. 

If the suggestion involves dinner, I'd go to my son's room, ask him to set a timer for dinner and have him set it 15/20 minutes before - just as a buffer. Allow children to ease into life and they'll be just as allowing with others. 

Hi there, sorry to ask. My son is 11 and is really struggling with school, it's like he's experiencing a burnout and amis just exhausted aswel. 

The school reduced his hours as he was struggling with full days ( however this wasn't official and now I have letters about his attendance, I pushed for this to be made official though ) 

He was diagnosed with Autism and are doing a QB test to see if ADHD too. 

He has no problem with Math it's everything else, he doesn't see the point in going over things a million times and can't stand the classrooms as it's too much for him. I got him ear defenders the ones like headphones so more discreet and he does maths with the head in a smaller environment. 

I have tried calling camhs 4 days in a row waiting for a response, I just don't know what else I can do? 

We now have the added difficulty of our son refusing to go to different areas of the house. This can be not leaving his bedroom, refusing to venture downstairs or upstairs, which as you imagine also makes leaving the house difficult 

I have contacted his teacher and she’s going to send home some picture cards with our Son to use as Now and Next 

With my Son learning wise he’s making very good progress and he’s in a class with lovely kids there s no bullying 

We have got him into school three days this week and his teachers have reported he’s been happy and settled just very slight issues with getting beck into the way things are done at school as in having to do things he may not want to but nothing to be concerned  about on the first day .On Wednesday we had some resistance as they were going on a trip but he went and had a lovely time.  He hasn’t gone in yesterday or today though 

On the subject of school refusal, I have a 13 year who has been regularly refusing to go to school for the past year or so. It's been a massive strain but what I've learnt to date is (1) do liaise with the school and keep them up to date and (2) be patient. I've concluded I cannot 'make' my daughter go to school and that it is better not to apply too much pressure. Our saving grace in our family is that her father works from home, and I can work from home a couple of days a week, otherwise it would be a much bigger problem. My daughter has never been able to express why she won't go to school, and I'm sure it's not due to friendships or bullying or anything to do with teachers. She's just not happy there (she probably has autism and ADD, and I think she just cannot focus too long in lessons) and has decided on some days she doesn't want to go in. My anxiety levels are sky high but I've learnt to not feel too responsible as I've tried all kinds of methods to get her to go in and they've taken a lot of energy and haven't worked so the more I back off, the better it is for me and for her, I believe. 

He might not quite understand the holdiays are over. 

A calendar with blocks of colours can help. Young children have trouble understanding chronology. Autistic and ADHD'rs don't sense-percieve time as linear but the moment is an eternity - this is much more a Right brain function. So, a physical object like an analogue clock (where we watch the second hand) and printed material to refer to are much more helpful to help stabilise expectations. 

Apologies if i'm mistaking what you're communicating, I'm having a little trouble following. But I wonder if he's incorporated a new system or way of experiencing life into his expectations during the holidays, possibly forgetting how he was affected by the transition back from the holidays felt last year. But last year he would've been in a different class. Anyway, we are often simply stuck in the present, while our peers might have difficult being present. We have difficulty planning for the future.  

Another thing is to allow him to be upset. Experiencing and making room for emotions is OK. As we grow, we need to practice affirming our emotions and not acting out in ways which have severe consequences (perhaps going for a jog or walk). Autistics can feel and sense-percieve everything with a greater intensity than our peers and sometimes just having someone walk through these impacts with us, can be helpful. Parent and child screaming into a pillow together, for instance. Relate with and empathise with his extreme frustration.  Sometimes the transitions take weeks to adjust to (sometimes years if we had planned on a different future).