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Teacher comment

NAS90568

Hi there

I’m new here and I have 2 autistic children and myself have been diagnosed last year with Asd and adhd. Neurodivergence is new to us but I’ve learned a lot through a lot of research. 

My son is 12 and has just started secondary school  he’s had ups and downs but generally settling ok  he’s extremely shy and sensitive  he has a sen passport for school  it’s a reasonably small school with 5 classes per year  

today during games he was wearing his coat  a teacher he didn’t know asked him why he was wearing his coat  he took this literally (and is also terrified of speaking to teachers or in public)  he also has taken to wearing his coat a lot since leaving primary school  

he replied ‘because I’m cold’. The teacher responded with ‘I think what you mean to say was I’m sorry sir and I will take it off straight away’. My son was mortified and upset  separately another boy then ran yo behind him and smacked him over the head and said ‘it’s just bants’.

hes at a selective grammar school and they can be quite strict on uniform but my boy wouldn’t have really understood that a coat means he’s breaking the PE uniform code  seriously?! I’m not sure why a teacher would need to call attention to it in such a sarcastic way  it makes me cross because it’s an old fashioned response designed to belittle or shame  

I don’t know whether to raise it or not  I don’t want to single him out and I know I would’ve had worse in my school days but surely we should be trying to move things forward  I’m feel my disappointed with it  as I say, just seems unnecessary and may contribute to others thinking he’s an easy target  

would be grateful for any help  the Sen team seem good but I’ve no idea of the personality of the other teacher. I suspect this guy might be old school and pettty  it could blow up  but I don’t want my son to feel he has to just lump it either  

thank you for reading. It’s such a struggle to parent when autistic yourself too  just never sure I’m reading things right  but then I relate to how awful it feels in these sorts of situations  

  • "today during games he was wearing his coat  a teacher he didn’t know asked him why he was wearing his coat  he took this literally (and is also terrified of speaking to teachers or in public)  he also has taken to wearing his coat a lot since leaving primary school  

    he replied ‘because I’m cold’. The teacher responded with ‘I think what you mean to say was I’m sorry sir and I will take it off straight away’. "

    This hit hard. This happened to me all the time when I was at school and I always had meltdowns when it happened... why do teachers do this? It's like an automatic assumption of guilt.

    I would ask to speak to someone at school and ask for all staff who will be involved with him to be made aware of your son's difficulties - that he takes things literally and therefore disciplining like this won't work and causes distress. You can probably word it in a better way than I can.

  • PE seems to be a law unto itself. My daughter was hit on the head by a 'dodge ball'. She lost her sight for a few moments (she didn't tell the teacher this, admittedly), she was just asked by the teacher if she was OK. Which is plain wrong, any blow to the head should trigger a response that ought to include a visit to A&E. You cannot ask a child that is possibly concussed whether they are all right, because they may not be able to give an accurate answer. As it turns out when my wife picked my daughter up, she was rather disorientated and was taken to A&E where she was indeed found to be suffering from a concussion.

    I hated and feared PE, my gross motor skills were not great, I didn't understand team games and I was never going to be any good at them or ever enjoy them. However, I was forced to play them, this just led to me having a lifelong visceral hatred of all competitive team sports. I was actually good at swimming and enjoyed badminton, but we seldom seemed to do either.

  • Hi. My son is at Secondary school and there have been misunderstandings. We have email addresses for all staff and email them if there has been a misunderstanding due to interpretation and the response given explaining that the reason for it being wrong needs to be explained. The teachers then tend to thank us for the explanation.

    On a general basis I am presuming the passport is something that is circulated to staff who teach him for guidance. If so is it possible to ask the SENCO to add something about explaining why something is not acceptable if not already on there? 

  • Hello,

    I can't advise you, because that wouldn't be appropriate. However, I would ask whether the teacher was aware of your son's SEN status, because from what you write, it could appear that he wasn't. Your son has a SEN passport, therefore he has a learner plan -  normally shared with teaching staff to help them adapt their teaching, where appropriate.

    You could raise the issue with the SEN team in the first instance, tell them your concerns as you've written them here. I understand that you don't want to single your son out, but it's the school's responsibility to meet your son's educational and pastoral needs whilst he's at school- they have agreed to do this by admitting him-and also to ensure appropriate safeguarding. As a parent you have every right to raise any concerns with them. 

  • I think you should try saying something to the teacher first and then if you think that you haven't got through, escalate it. Times have changed and teachers need to be reminded or helped to understand.  I am afraid PE seems to be an area where teachers often have no regard to neuro-divergence. My son had a PE teacher who used to get annoyed with him for "not trying", when actually my son has very little co-ordination and often does not know where to start with anything sporty.  Another issue was coats.  Not in PE but when lining up in primary school.  He could not wear a coat or hoodie without doing the zip up and putting up the hood: he wore the coat completely or not at all.  The school imposed a weird rule that they were not allowed to have their hoods up in the class queues in the playground, even in bitingly cold weather.  My son would never put his hood down, so he got a lunchtime detention - yes, detention from play in primary school - for not following the rule.  I was in two minds whether to mention these two things to the school, but I did in the end because although they have lots of children to deal with, I felt my son was coming home sad and confused on those days and was being put off sport just because he wasn't good at it (or rather did not know where to start because his brain does not work in that way).  If some of what you speak to them about sticks, then that is a good thing, I think.