Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone
what I’m about to say on here may not be liked by everyone. I hate that I am feeling it myself trust me but I just need to vent. Please try not to judge me I’m struggling and trying to make my way through this as best I can.
i have a son who is 10. I have a daughter who is 7 and live with my husband. Since my son was 3-4yrs he has struggled with things around him and his emotions. He has sensory needs and social interaction issues. He was diagnosed earlier this year with “high functioning autism”. For the past 11months he has turned into the most destructive, hateful, nasty, anxious, disrespectful human being. He refused school for 7months. He doesn’t go to sleep without us there with him. He will kick off, shout, scream, kick, slam doors, break windows etc when he gets angry which can be caused by anything. When we try to teach consequences it will go on and on and he gets over his meltdown but learns nothing from it. My family is broken. My husband is a shadow of the man he used to be. We are both nothing like we were before. My daughter puts up with an awful lot from having her brother destroy everything and shout at her for most of the day. I hate to say it but he’s ruining our lives. We are tired, miserable and just about surviving. Certainly not living.
Im grateful that we are healthy and have an amazing family around to support but I feel lonely confused and unsure how things are ever going to change for the better. My son means the world to me. I love him so much. He’s just become someone else. Someone we can’t go out with, have time off with or do anything without huge outbursts and stress. I don’t understand him. We stay calm, give him space, talk and listen but when we are met with such a power of negativity it chips away and we have become shells of our former selves. I think we have reached our limit. We now have short fuses, raise our voices and go crazy ourselves when we can’t take anymore.
I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I want to be able to enjoy life not wake up everyday thinking how long have I got until the abuse from my 10 year old starts.
We need help before we all break up and bonds get broken.
refused to go to school for 7 months, that tells me school is hell... and to me it was hell, but my parents forced me to go to school and i didnt dare mess with my dad because he was loud and frightening and old fashioned so i knew if i stepped out of line id never hear the end of it for days. my trick was going to school then escaping school and hiding in the bushed somewhere and going back after school pretending i had been, did it hundreds of times, only got found once, so didnt really care about taking the beating and telling off for being caught once as i had done it that way many times, plus it was funny watching them claim i will always get caught doing it without realising i had done it thousands of times and never been caught and being caught once out of all those times was nothing.anyway, it tells me your kid has serious issues at school that has caused distress. as for parenting im not sure in your case now whether my dads tough approach would help or not as the kid already seems to have asserted himself as dominant without any fear of challenge to his position. theres alot of tiny micro issues and factors that play into it that would prevent any proper reply or construction though.i mean my mum treated me good as a direct opposite to my dad, so i had good cop and bad cop... when the issue of controlling me needed fear there was my dad... anything else was controlled by my love for my mum... so basically you need both the traditional rough controlling fear we all demonise and have banned these days... but you also need a strong loving bond too. you need both.
like if hes breaking stuff, if i did that had tantrums and broke stuff my dad would have gone berserk on me and smacked me off my feet and sent me flying across the room, but then when im sad and have been contained that way my mum would then make sure im ok and then make me feel better. ofcourse this puts a burden on one of the parents... the tough discipline parent will have to accept they will be hated by their kid while the other one will have all the love.