9 Year Old Anger And Violence

Hi

I am new here so I apologise for my ignorance around Autism/ADHD!

My son is 9 and since he was little he has suffered from anger and violence issues. When he was young we put it down to him learning and pushing boundaries. As the years have gone on it is getting worse where he is being physically violent at a drop of a hat. One minute he can be fine, the next he snaps. It happens instantly. He hits, kicks, throws things at me and his dad. I have asked him about how he feels when he starts to get angry like a funny feeling in his stomach, clenched fists etc but he said he doesn't feel anything, it just happens instantly. It can be very scary when it happens and at the moment it is happening daily. The other day he threw a metal bar which nearly hit me. I don't think he meant to throw it at me but he was in such a rage he wasn't thinking. He gets angry over little things like asking him to do his teeth, having a shower, come to the shop with me. It is relentless.

At school he is the model student. He is very quiet, shy, won't put himself forward for anything, often gets overlooked because he's so quiet. He will not break the rules and gets upset if he does. He has friends but can be quite socially awkward around a lot of people, even if he knows them. Just someone asking him his name, stumps him and he goes silent.

I'm not even really sure what I am asking on here. I think I just need to vent and feel like I am not alone. I have done a self referral for assessment for autism but not sure if it could be adhd or maybe it's not either of these things? I have spoken to the GP numerous times and they just send me links to information and say contact us again if it continues.

I think I'm scared he is going to seriously hurt me one day. He's not a bad kid and I think he struggles with this as much as we do.

Thank you for reading

Parents
  • I can suggest some reading that may have a few techniques to try:

    From Anxiety to Meltdown - How Individuals on the Autism Spectrum Deal with Anxiety, Experience Meltdowns, Manifest Tantrums, and How You Can Intervene Effectively - Deborah Lipsky (2011)
    ISBN 9781849058438

    Managing Meltdowns and Tantrums on the Autism Spectrum - A Parent and Caregiver's Guide - Jenna Ward-Hawkes, Melissa Rodi (2019)
    ISBN 9781785928406

    Managing Meltdowns - Using the S.C.A.R.E.D. Calming Technique With Children and Adults with Autism - Deborah Lipsky, Will Richards (2009)
    ISBN 9781843109082

    The Red Beast - Controlling Anger in Children With Asperger's Syndrome - K. I. Al-ghani (2008)

    I covered most of the content of this book in a post here:
    https://community.autism.org.uk/f/parents-and-carers/32418/am-i-just-doing-everything-wrong/301059#301059

    Sorry I don't have any first hand experience to share but I hope some of the above is useful.

Reply
  • I can suggest some reading that may have a few techniques to try:

    From Anxiety to Meltdown - How Individuals on the Autism Spectrum Deal with Anxiety, Experience Meltdowns, Manifest Tantrums, and How You Can Intervene Effectively - Deborah Lipsky (2011)
    ISBN 9781849058438

    Managing Meltdowns and Tantrums on the Autism Spectrum - A Parent and Caregiver's Guide - Jenna Ward-Hawkes, Melissa Rodi (2019)
    ISBN 9781785928406

    Managing Meltdowns - Using the S.C.A.R.E.D. Calming Technique With Children and Adults with Autism - Deborah Lipsky, Will Richards (2009)
    ISBN 9781843109082

    The Red Beast - Controlling Anger in Children With Asperger's Syndrome - K. I. Al-ghani (2008)

    I covered most of the content of this book in a post here:
    https://community.autism.org.uk/f/parents-and-carers/32418/am-i-just-doing-everything-wrong/301059#301059

    Sorry I don't have any first hand experience to share but I hope some of the above is useful.

Children
No Data