Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,
My almost 9 year old son is ADHD/ASD. I believe the pillow on his head is relating to ASD.
Every night my son will sleep in the same position, surrounded by his toys in the exact same spot every night and make me lay a pillow over his face, now this pillow has to be in the EXACT position and I am there for about 45 minutes up to an hour getting this pillow on him in the right position for him to be able to sleep. This also happens if he wakes in the night (which he often does if the pillow has come off him or he needs the toilet or a night terror, the list goes on) then I have to stand there again for a lengthy piece of time getting this pillow exactly right.
Does anyone else’s child do this or similar to this or does anyone have any tips or ideas to try as I am losing patience and sleep!!
thanks
This seems unsustainable - have you tried alternative ways to help your son get to sleep faster without the need for the pillow in case you can train him out of this behaviour?
Since you are there constantly reinforcing it then it is only becoming more established.
How about tiring him out before bedtime on occasion so he falls asleep more quickly, or using some natural sleep aids to do the same - just for long enough to get him used to a more sustainable sleep routine?
We are constantly tiring him out with all sorts of clubs and things going on and then do the wind down routine before bed. The issue I think is not him being tired as he is tired and wanting to go to bed but just won’t without the pillow covering his head, I feel it’s maybe an anxiety comfort thing but I am going to have to put a stop to the pillow not being in the exact place he needs it, I will try the mask someone else suggested and if not try and reinforce I’m putting the pillow on once and that’s it as you’re right I’m reinforcing it by standing there and putting it back on him until he tells me it’s right.
LOL
I suppose using duct tape is out of the question? ;)
The only ritual he needs weaning off is not renegotiating the pillow himself. Even Freud said lying to children causes more harm than good.
"You may use the pillow AND I cannot stay as there is much to do at the end of the day. I will check in on you, though."
NAS88453 said:I feel it’s maybe an anxiety comfort thing but I am going to have to put a stop to the pillow not being in the exact place he needs it
It will be tough, but you need to wean him off this ritual.
When I talked about tiring him out I was thinking more about physical exercise - take him for a long walk before bedtime, get him to run laps of the garden - whatever will burn energy off and make him less likely to resist the withdrawal process.
You could also tell him that stopping using it is:
a - going to give him a flat head and he will end up looking like a spoon
b - not using the pillor is a "big boy thing" - ie associate it with being a baby and he will want to move on from it.
c - tell him there is a risk of being smothered so it is really dangerous.
What you use will depend on his take on these things I guess.
Good luck with the process.