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Son being so aggressive, any advice?

AbC123

Hello, 

I have posted before about my 6 and a half year old son. He has ASD. He goes from being calm to loosing control within 1 second. 

He can loose control and wrecks the house and physically hurts me, my husband and out 4 year old daughter. As adults we are fine. But today he really injured my daughter

He threw a ball for our dog. It landed by my daughters feet she picked it up and threw it. He was angry as he didn't have control of the ball. (Control is a huge issue, we cant play games where he's not in control)

He then swung my daughter around and threw her into the tuff tray. 

She had the most horrendous nose bleed. 

I felt so sick and upset. As I didn't keep her safe. 

He said he wants to kill her and I took him to his room. 

Every single day he is aggressive and physically hurts her and particularly my husband. At the weekend he wanted to get a kitchen knife to 'kill dad' and he was going to 'stab him' I had to physically keep him out the kitchen. 

After these incidents he screams for hours! 

We are on the wait for CAMHS 

But in case there is anyone out there, was there a method that works or helps?

He gets sent to his room/ looses screen time which is his treat. 

Looses magazines after a warning. If you do this again, you will not have you Friday magazine. But he's so impulsive. 

Does anyone have advice? 

I just don't know what to do. 

It's daily and I just can't leave my daughter along with him. 

When I do, she's always hurt. When I have a shower she sits in the bathroom with me. 

Thank you so much 

Xx

Parents

  • Could you try Pathological demand avoidance strategies rather than typical autism strategies and see if that helps your child. Also request assessment for ADHD. 

    My son has behaved incredibly dangerous at times putting a pillow over his younger brothers face when he was a baby, my son was around 8 years old when he done that & also taking knifes from the kitchen and threatening myself & ex partner. He often sought out revenge if he felt wronged also. He has zero understanding & patience with his younger brother and often assaults him. 


    I am not an expert but i am a parent to a PDA ADHD 13 year old & autistic 5 year old. I have to parent both children completely different.

    Autism strategies don’t work on my eldest they make thing 100 times worse.

  • in reply to Lau

    Is your son walking out in front of cars in order to harm himself?

    My son used to do similar but he would say things like I’m fast like flash or I’m atromg like the hulk I can smash the car before it gets me. 

    Just wanted check with you? 

    **

    my son wasn’t doing to harm himself he just didn’t understand that a car could actually kill him,

    Even now as a 13 year old he thinks he can run faster than a car. He has language but there is a massive lack of understanding there are 

  • in reply to Lau

    Hello Lau, 

    He walkes in the road because ' he wants to hurt himself'he says his bad brain voice tells him to do this. 

    A car has had to swerve to avoid him before now. 

    He's a bright boy he's very clever, he remembers and notices everything, I have explained the consequences of his actions. 

    This is so new to me , what is PDA? 

    And the revenge if he feels like something hasn't gone his way sounds spot on. Even something like the dice rolled a number 4 and it had to be 5, we don't do games anymore based on chance. 

    Is your son still hurting his siblings or did it get better? Thank you xxxx

  • in reply to AbC123

    Hearing voices is actually more common in humans generally than people expect and isn’t always considered pathological. However hearing voices that are disturbing and that encourage you to harm yourself or others is definitely concerning and is not a typical autism thing.

  • in reply to AbC123

    I suggest you call NHS 111 and say he is self-harming, has suicidal ideas and is hearing voices. Say he is threatening to kill his sister. Explain you have been waiting a year for a routine CAMHS appointment for ASD but you are seriously worried that he will harm himself or his family now and can't wait. Mention the family history - I know it is difficult but it is part of the risk assessment.

    I am afraid it will not be an easy conversation, but you need to absolutely clear about what is going on.

    This website should help you to locate your local Mental Health Help Line: www.nhs.uk/.../find-an-urgent-mental-health-helpline

    You can also contact Young Mind parent helpline 0808 802 5544, Monday - Friday 9:30am - 4:00pm.

  • in reply to Lau

    Yes it has been. 

    We still aren't getting help. 

    It's written in black and white in his ASD assessment. 

    I just wanted opinions on other options without stating her diagnosis bless her. 

    Thank you x

  • in reply to AbC123

    My son doesn’t hear voices.

    I was giving an example of what you could say to A+E regarding your son.  


    Sorry I wasn’t a bit clearer with that. 

    Maybe the diagnosis that your husbands aunt has should be highlighted to the professionals in your sons life. 

  • in reply to Lau

    So is the voices for you son due to PDA? 

    I ask this as 25 years ago my husbands auntie was diagnosed with severe mental health conditions, I don't really want to name it as I don't was any assumption that my son has this. 

    But she unfortunately stabbed someone when she was 25 and then committed suicide. 

    These things aren't spoken about as his family are very devastated. Most of the family don't know the story. 

    I just have this at the back of my mind as well. 

    Yes I didn't think to call an ambulance. Good advice xx

  • in reply to AbC123

    No wonder you feel lost, it sounds just awful for you all.

  • in reply to AbC123

    I understand A+E is not autistic friendly but I would say my son has tried to kill himself and is hearing voices and the A+E waiting room is not the right environment to meet his needs.

    Im scared for his & other’s safety if we were to wait in the waiting room. We need a room that is quiet to keep everyone safe. 

    If this isn’t something you feel you could do I would call an ambulance. It’s an emergency situation. 

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  • in reply to AbC123

    I understand A+E is not autistic friendly but I would say my son has tried to kill himself and is hearing voices and the A+E waiting room is not the right environment to meet his needs.

    Im scared for his & other’s safety if we were to wait in the waiting room. We need a room that is quiet to keep everyone safe. 

    If this isn’t something you feel you could do I would call an ambulance. It’s an emergency situation. 

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