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Son being so aggressive, any advice?

AbC123

Hello, 

I have posted before about my 6 and a half year old son. He has ASD. He goes from being calm to loosing control within 1 second. 

He can loose control and wrecks the house and physically hurts me, my husband and out 4 year old daughter. As adults we are fine. But today he really injured my daughter

He threw a ball for our dog. It landed by my daughters feet she picked it up and threw it. He was angry as he didn't have control of the ball. (Control is a huge issue, we cant play games where he's not in control)

He then swung my daughter around and threw her into the tuff tray. 

She had the most horrendous nose bleed. 

I felt so sick and upset. As I didn't keep her safe. 

He said he wants to kill her and I took him to his room. 

Every single day he is aggressive and physically hurts her and particularly my husband. At the weekend he wanted to get a kitchen knife to 'kill dad' and he was going to 'stab him' I had to physically keep him out the kitchen. 

After these incidents he screams for hours! 

We are on the wait for CAMHS 

But in case there is anyone out there, was there a method that works or helps?

He gets sent to his room/ looses screen time which is his treat. 

Looses magazines after a warning. If you do this again, you will not have you Friday magazine. But he's so impulsive. 

Does anyone have advice? 

I just don't know what to do. 

It's daily and I just can't leave my daughter along with him. 

When I do, she's always hurt. When I have a shower she sits in the bathroom with me. 

Thank you so much 

Xx

Parents

  • I think I may have mentioned here once about throwing a chair at a teacher as a child. Someone asked me did you know you could’ve really hurt her if you’d hit her. And my response was if I meant to hit her I would’ve hit her.

    my point being I was in an argument with the teacher and she wasn’t listening and I was becoming progressively more and more frustrated and she was completely oblivious to that fact. I was about to explode and she had no notion at all. I think autistic children often resort to violence when they can’t get others to acknowledge their feelings.

    because our feelings are not easy to read in the face or in their tone of voice. I don’t know if it’s the only factor or a factor in your child’s case. But is it possible that one of the reasons he sometimes explodes because he cannot seem to convince you or get you to acknowledge that he is extremely angry or stressed or upset about a given situation. You may think the right thing to do is to brush over his anger and act as if it’s not there but actually that’s probably making it worse.

  • in reply to Peter

    I guess the problem here is my son wasn't in an argument. He had simply lost control of the ball. 

    I listen to my son. I certainly don't brush over his anger. This is quite upsetting.

    I spend all my time with him. 

    I know his triggers and signs. 

    I don't understand frustration and aggressive situations when it was over something at the breakfast table with no warning. 

    Upon putting him to bed he had self harmed today. 

    Thank you for replying but please don't assume things. That I'm making it worse but brushing over his anger. 

  • in reply to AbC123

    It does feel to me that there is more than autism at play here although it is possible a significant factor.

    I wrote some book recommendations for a similar case in this post that may offer some help:

    https://community.autism.org.uk/f/parents-and-carers/32418/am-i-just-doing-everything-wrong/301059#301059

    I think you are going to need to engage a child therapist with experience of autism and anger management in children as the techniques needed here are beyond most of us.

    Good luck.

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