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It's not a big problem, is it?

NAS87505

Hi Slight smile

I'm not diagnosed with autism yet, but I have recently discovered that I share a lot of symptoms. I already had a pre-talk with someone, but no official diagnosis, which takes a long time to get. Since I discovered that I might be autistic some problems keep on popping up. I have always had trouble with social interactions such as taking calls, holding presentations, general everyday interactions as well as interactions  in close relationships. I'm currently attending university, have to go to classes once a week and at home I take care of my 2-year-old daughter with my husband. Almost every time I come back from class I'm totally exhausted, I get bad headaches. I think it's a combination of a lot of things, I have to wear a heavy backpack, but I also suspect it is because all the social interactions I have that day. I tried to talk about this with my husband, saying that I am not good with all the talking in class (we're a small class, 5 to 10 people and usually you have to participate quite a lot) and that it's exhausting, but he only says it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy and I shouldn't make a mountain out of a molehill. It feels like the exact opposite to me though. I feel like he's just telling me to not make a big deal out of a struggle, that I have had for my entire life. For me, ever since watching stuff about autism and learning about masking, it has become apparent for me that I sometimes need a break from people. I kind of always knew and liked to spend a lot time on my own, but only since I discovered I might be autistic, I started correlating that I liked being alone a lot with being exhausted by social interactions. But my husband seems to believe the opposite, that I should just push through no matter what, which, from past experiences I know is not a good idea. Have any of you experience with people telling you not to make your problems big? 

Thanks for reading Slight smile

  • NAS87505 said:
    he only says it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy and I shouldn't make a mountain out of a molehill. It feels like the exact opposite to me though.

    The thing about being autistic is, things that seem like molehills to everyone else really are mountains to us. We perceive the world so differently to them, and they're the majority, so it just doesn't occur to them that we might find something hard if 'everyone else' thinks it's easy.

    To be honest, I have no good advice as I tend to tell people to bog off if they act like this! But you're definitely not alone in your struggles and you're not making a fuss over nothing either.

  • I survived Uni; but, now, would struggle with, even, a remedial course.

    Life commitments, and responsibilities, sap the energy from me.

    Your child comes first. Is she okay?

    Your husband sounds like he's trying to help, but blissfully unaware of the circumstances. Remind him that you can only do so much.

  • The university disability support service may be able to help you get an autism assessment. It would be useful to contact them anyway.

    My advice would be to take some online autism tests. AQ10 and AQ50 (sometimes called just 'AQ') are the most commonly used by clinicians in this country, but the RAADS-R is the most definitive. They can be found here: https://embrace-autism.com/autism-tests/

    If you score in the autism range it will give you more certainty about following up on a diagnosis.

  • Yes I have, which is why I'm divorced. RelaxedDoes your husband tend to not take your concerns seriously, or is it just the autism that he's being like this about? ️

  • I'm chronically ill as well as being recently diagnosed with Autism. I feel like in general, when you start to learn about something that you have and begin to make the connections between what is a symptom of something and a behaviour you've always had and never thought to question - things become clear to you and it can be really comforting in that way, and is the beginning of learning to understand yourself and your boundaries etc.

    I do however think people who are unfamiliar with these issues and who can't relate to your problems can commonly be doubtful of the validity of your feelings. It's like, from your perspective things finally make sense so you bring up issues you have that you previously wouldn't really mention because it was just part of your daily life - but now you know that they are part of something and that it isn't "normal" (as in, for most people) you can point out these feelings you've had and now understand.

    From the other persons perspective, you're just suddenly bringing up a problem you never really mentioned before so they don't take you seriously (even though the reason you didn't mention it before is that it was your normal and you're only now discovering its a part of being Autistic or something else).

    To you, you're learning about Autism and all the ways that it relates to your feelings and personal issues but to others you started to talk about Autism and are suddenly bringing up connections you didn't really mention previously (so they think you're only doing it because you're hooked on a trend or something dumb like that). It can be really frustrating, I struggle a lot with trying to talk to certain abrasive/rude doctors about lifelong issues I've had but not thought to mention before for the same reason. It can be hard to be taken seriously when you've already spent a significant portion of your life quietly accepting a problem.