Am I just doing everything wrong?

AbC123 said:

I will have to invest in this book

To be honest the rest of the book is more or less a graphic novel about how the kid goes into a rage and how the teachers calm him down using some of the points above. The points are really the mainstay of the book, so I would save your money.

Thank you. 

I didn't think about grapes after. He just gets so exhausted. But never says he's hungry. 

I will have to invest in this book. 

Thanks for taking time to reply x

These are really good points.  

It's hard as he is adamant things happen in the day, when they haven't happened. So to get stories accurate is really hard. 

Thank you so much for your ideas x

Thank you so much x

I did a little digging in my library and found the following tips from the book

The Red Beast - Controlling Anger in Children With Asperger's Syndrome (2008)

There are tips on how to deal with a child who has gone into rage mode (or become what they call the Red Beast):

Conduct an ABC of behaviour (Antecedent, Behaviour, Consequence) to determine if you can pinpoint any flash points, so that these can be avoided.

Confront the child using minimal language. Do not ask questions or insist on an apology. These issues are best dealt with during circle time and certainly when the child is calm

Ensure the child knows where he or she can go and who to approach if they feel out of control.

Remain calm and dispassionate at all times. You may need to practise this!

Use soothing music and eye masks. (Sometimes covering the eyes briefly when children are engaged in aggressive situations like hair pulling can help to dispel the violence by disorientating them.)

Provide the child with foods to eat that will replenish blood sugar levels, for example grapes.

Give the child foot massages. (Often it is necessary to remove shoes in the event of kicking so this is a good way to reintroduce the shoes.)

Look at the situation during circle time, use puppets to depersonalize the event and ask the children to think up alternative solutions. You will be surprised at how the culprit often has the best ideas!

Give the child physical jobs like shredding paper, ripping up old material, popping the bubbles on bubble wrap.

Put together a Red Beast Box that includes a stress ball, eye masks, bubble wrap, relaxation CDs, a scented pillow (lavender), small night lights to use if you like the room to be darkened during relaxation times, a bottle of still water, foods to replenish blood sugar like raisins or grapes.

If all else fails, use the technique on yourself!

Hopefully something from this list will help if it happens again.

To try to make sense of what set this off, try writing down all the things that happened in the run up to this event where he was involved.

The getting wet part was probably the straw that broke the camels back, so looking at what was going on to him, and in the environment and discussions is a good way to start looking for common ground when it happens again.

It may be just his sister causing his anticipated fun to make him wet, or the water going up his nose if he really hate that. Maybe there is something happening tomorrow he was anxious about and this set him off, or maybe he had something different to eat that he is having a reaction to you cannot see.

Build the evidence then get all Sherlock on it is my recommendation, and maybe agree ground roles on violence so you can step in sooner in future to put him in some sort of timeout until he calms down.

AbC123, I so wish I had advice, but I really just wrote to say that I've been there, and that you're not alone. It seems like each kid's triggers are different, and sometimes they are so hard to identify from the outside. But I can tell you're a good, attentive mom, trying to understand your son - you're doing your best. Hugs to you and your son...