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Meltdown advice needed for my 4 year old son.

Arti

Hi everyone.

My 4 year old son is now starting his 4th week at his mainstream primary school, and he has just recieved a working diagnosis of autism. We are very proud of how he has handled this transition from nursery to primary, and each day he is happy to go to school.

Our main concern is the occurance of meltdowns in the classroom and how it is handled. These meltdowns are quite new to my husband and I - I guess because we automatically know what might upset our son and so we naturally avoid or distract him from them. A meltdown usually occurs because of suprises/ change in routine.

By all means we try very hard to liase with teacher/ teaching assistants, but we feel they are inexperienced in dealing with autism. We are all presently active in get outside services in etc, and I'm always offering our expertise as his parents (I am also a secondary school teacher). 

I don't feel the teachers quite understand how important it is to identify the causes of the meltdowns, and I keep emphasing that 'prevention is better than cure'. 

Is there anyone else out there that has been through this frustrating problem? It's just so hard as a parent getting used to mainstream school and not being updated each day on your child's progress like nursery did. I have to ask if any meltdowns have occured, and when I'm told about them most of the time the teacher has took all other children out of the classroom due to health and safety risks - which I find very distressing.

I'm happy to discuss anything else further. Anyone else been in a similar situation or have any advice? I fear these meltdowns could be dealt with differently as they are disrupting the lessons and also isolating my son.

Many thanks.

  • Thank you both for your advice so far, and I will check out those links asap.

    Yes my son does have a statement of 20 hours. We finally recieved it a month or so before the 6 week holidays. Initially our son was given a school placement in a much larger mainstream school 400+ pupils in total (60 in the foundation unit he would be in). We thought this was far too large a school for him to cope with, and so was thankful of finally getting his statement and being able to push through and get into a much smaller village school, which offered a great 'open door' policy.

    We rushed in last minute transition meetings etc and believed they were quite happy with the arrangement. The only issue was they would have to get in another TA quite quick. 

    It seems at present his reception class has a variety of TA's visiting at different times, and I'm now considering asking them to have a main TA so they can become an expert on my son.

    I guess I'm just frustrated because we were supported so well pre-school (he attended a mainstream nursery and a special needs nursery). And even though I feel we have done a lot in preparing them for him, it's not the transition we were hoping for. It's scary to think that it's all down to the school now and the decisions they make.

    Only last week have we got his diagnosis report finalised, and so that's now being passed on to school in which I have asked them to use it to contact Autism Outreach and bring them in. I'm just frustrated that all this papework takes time - I want to contact Autism Outreach myself but I'm unsure what reassurance they can give me, and I guess it's not worth it until they get the paperwork? I'm not sure.

    But since September the only experts in my sons case are us the parents. I think they will get sick of us soon, but I know I have to push. A speech therapist is due in the beginning of October and I'm so thankful that it's the same person that's worked with him in the past - it's nice to have a familiar face.

  • If you do not get anywhere, ultimately, you could apply for a place in your nearest ASC unit attached to a mainstream school or if there are any suitable special schools.

  • Does your son have a statement of SENs?  If not, it might help to apply for one:

    https://www.gov.uk/apply-special-educational-needs-assessment

    Sorry if that's teaching granny to suck eggs, being a teacher you will no doubt be experienced in all of this.

    Or, if he cannot get a statement, as you know School Action or School Action Plus may offer more support regarding how he needs things than having nothing.

    Ultimately, as you have found, it's about teacher/school awareness.  I believe no mainstream school can properly meet the needs of autistic children and I think the government is trying to find a cheaper way instead of building special schools by having integration.  No-one polices anything!  No matter what policy says or how enlightened the school claims to be, you are at the whim of the ignorance of individual teachers and fighting things is an uphill battle.

    You may find some of this useful for printing off/emailing to teachers:

    http://www.autism.org.uk/working-with/education/educational-professionals-in-schools.aspx

    http://www.autism.org.uk/working-with/education/educational-professionals-in-schools/pupils-with-autism-in-your-school.aspx

    If all else fails, tell them they are discriminating against your son by not make reasonable adjustments for his legal disability, which they are required to in law.  Tell them they are causing him distress by continuing to do things that they have been warned will cause meltdowns.

  • Hi - you are absolutely right to be getting "outside services" involved - who exactly have you approached.  Also has your son got a statement of educational needs which could provide him with a teaching assistant whom I'm sure you would make certain was very well trained in autism.  My son always went to autism-specific schools so these issues didn't arise but did later when he left school + was with staff who weren't trained in autism + how it affected him as a person.  Some people are very well intentioned but don't get it, some people just carry on going their own sweet way - it doesn't sink in for various reasons.  You can talk + talk + talk + find that little changes.  It's a hard time when that happens + causes anxiety all round for the child/parents.  It sounds like the school are failing your son + yourselves.  That's why he's reacting the way he is.