• Replies 6 replies
  • Subscribers 67 subscribers
  • Views 1065 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Financial help

NAS80013

My daughter is 22 and diagnosed last year as ASD. She wanted to be independent so moved into a flat with her friend. After a year she realised she couldn’t really look after herself (the flat was disgusting, she didn’t keep up with the washing and didn’t really keep herself clean, although that hasn’t changed since she moved home) so moved back home. Since being home we have found out during the year she lived away she spent all her full time wages plus £13000 of savings plus racked up £4000 on a credit card. We talked to her and explained that she can’t have everything she wants and that you have to save for it. We cleared all her debt and she promised to manage her finances but I have just found a credit card bill for £500 that she is not making payments on but still saying she isn’t using it when I ask her.   So my question is how do I help her? How do I make her see she is impulsive and just buys what she wants. I did tell her the first time I would take her credit card but she went crazy and said she is an adult and I can’t do that……..help!

  • in reply to GuybrushThreepwood

    We have just started the ADHD referral but will be months before an assessment but I defo think she will be diagnosed 

  • in reply to Caelus

    but one things for sure.... dont pay her debts off... she wont learn and she will break you and drag you down with her.... you have to let her be in a position to take the consequences of her actions... and then point them out and make her aware she got herself there and ask her how she intends to get out of it... what is her planto tackle that issue and how will she avoid it in the future.... if you just bail her out she doesnt need to reflect or think, so she never learns.

  • i dunno, on this im not sure as sometimes you just cant help or change a person on this issue, or at least i have never seen anyone change on this, it seems to be more deep seated with who they are... but these days its very common for everyone to just blow all of their money, i got into a few discussions with people on this and they all make the same lame excuses like "you cant take it with you when you die" which is a stupid argument to make considering they are always whining they dont have any money on them any time, if they stopped blowing it on crap they dont need just for the sake of it, theyd have money on them ready for things they need and the things they need will take everything they have anyway.

  • When I first moved out from home I worked out my outgoings from bills then I worked out how much I had left per week, took it out in cash and that’s all I had to spend on food or anything else that took my fancy. Once it was gone it was gone. Obviously this method relies on her really sticking to that and not using cards. Also doesn’t help if she does a lot of online shopping. Would it help her to budget everything out on a white board? I had one which I wrote things down on so me and my husband could both see it and keep track. There are also apps nowadays for that. But again it will rely on her being honest about what she’s spent unless the app is connected to her bank accounts, which I personally didn’t like the idea of. It can be tricky to separate out your wants for your needs at times, I often leave things in my basket for a couple of days and see if I forget about them or sometimes the next day I think “nah I don’t want that actually” If impulsiveness is a serious issue in a lot of areas of her life it may be worth considering whether she also has ADHD, quite a lot of folks have autism and ADHD together