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People staring and making comments

EmmaJadexxx

Hi my daughter has only recently been diagnosed with autism at 2 years old, 3 months ago. We did expect the diagnosis however it's a shock in a way and my partner and I are both still emotional about it. I took her out yesterday with her older brother who is 9 and we decided to go for a walk in our local arcade, she was having constant meltdowns as wanted to stand in the middle of the walkway jumping in muddy puddles that weren't there. I of course allowed this for a while but we were in the way of people so I said this way and she had her meltdown screaming "away mummy all done" it looked like she was petrified of me which she isn't I am very patient, kind and gentle with her but I felt like people were looking at me as if I was either not her mum or I was abusing her! She does look different in the way she speaks and acts however she is only 2 and people are always trying to calm her down or help in some way which makes things worse.  Then a passer by tutted and grumbled something unpleasant. It was the first negative reaction I've had from people and feel like getting her a tshirt which says I am autistic or having a sign on myself saying this. But also don't want to be labelling her if you know what I mean. Not sure how to deal with this so any advice would be helpful. Thanks.

  • Unfortunately it comes with the territory.  You can't change the whole of society and this is why autism awareness is so important.

    My youngest daughter has has had so many bad meltdowns (and I mean traffic stopping ones) that I have tried to block out other people.  She's eight now so if she does it at this age, people will hopefully realise she has something out of the ordinary as eight year olds are not normally having tantrums.

    I had an old man tell her to be quiet in the middle of a meltdown once, I've had people stop what they were doing and turn around to stare, I've had a busy body sit next to me on the bench to tell me I was giving her too much attention (obviously saying she was a spoiled brat), I've had a shop assistant say "Ooh she's having a bad day isn't she" and yes I do get sick of it.

    I did buy her a badge saying "I'm not naughty I have autism" but she refused to wear it.  And because I didn't want her to feel bad I didn't push the matter.

    I do have a window sticker on our front window saying "my kid's autistic - what's your problem?" for the benefit of our horrid neighbours who rang social services to complain about her screaming.  Perhaps the next time I hear the man of that house yelling and effing and blinding I should report him...

    The crazy thing is, when my daughter told me things that stress her at school (she bottles it in there and brings it all home and explodes) I told her to show them she was upset so that they could help her at the time with the issue, and she replied "I can't have a tantrum there or my friends will think bad things about me."

    They feel safest to let it all out when they are with their family so we bear the brunt of it.

    I have Asperger's myself, but I was the quiet, passive subtype as a child so all this screaming is anathema to me.  I have bad auditory sensitivity too so dealing with her meltdowns can send me heading for one myself, and I need some pushing to have one as I'm more inclined to shut down.

    The meltdowns do lessen a little over the years, I think coping mechanisms come more into play along with peer pressure/society etc., which I know is no help now dealing with it.

    A friend of mine used to be an air hostess and she said they used to develop a way of looking just over passengers' heads to avoid making eye contact in case they started summoning them for bits and pieces all the time.  This is what you need to do, tune out the ignorant masses and just deal with your child the best you can.  Don't look around for the judgemental faces, and you won't see them.

    If anyone makes a comment, either ignore that too or let off a little steam by having a tart response at the ready, such as FrustratedMummi suggested.

    http://planetautism.wix.com/one-stop-shop/forum/

  • Crickey where do I start, I and probably a heck of a lot of parents on here have gone through this, yes I also felt like buying a t shirt or wearing a sign . It was mostly in supermarkets that these situations happened, major melt down and then people staring or making little comments, I once  had an old man actually stop me post meltdown and said 'oh you managed to quiet him down,we'll done' I did once confront a lady who said something, I was so angry but just said to her , my little boy has autism, is that ok? She quickly moved on.

    i think it's just a time thing and adjusting to things , it's other people who have problems with it and that's probably not going to change. But I look at it as my little boy is how he should be , try to keep calm and please ignore these ignorant people as you don't know them and they are not important. Stay strong x

  • To be honest it's not about labeling your child. Autism is an illness/disability. If someone with epilepsy collapses you say they have epilepsy that isn't labeling, it's having people understand they occasionally need help.

    I had this constantly whenever I took my son anywhere. He is hyper sensative to all 5 senses and this causes overloads more times then I care for. I once had a woman tut very loudly in Tescos at my son who was mid "freak out" (as he calls it) in the middle of the breakfast aisle. She even mouthed "brat" under her breath. I looked her dead in the eyes and said quite plainly "He's autistic love, what's your excuse for being an ignorant judgemental cow?" She instantly lowered her head muffled a "sorry" and shuffled off

    The only label parents should worry about are incorrect labels such as "brat" being given to our angels by other uneducated people. Make sure that people get the labels correct and understand that your child occasionally needs a little extra help and your doing your damnedest for her.

    Autism isn't understood by nearly enough people and only those who live on the spectrum (or care for those who do) can fully understand how crippling it can be sometimes. It's up to us to educate the masses and make sure our kids aren't unfairly judged in a world they'll already struggle to understand.