Struggling with my daughter

Too add- it can be important for you to read. The sound of a mothers voice can be more calming than a stranger and audio books can contain all kinds of sonic problems which only autistics can pick up. X

A different pace of development is quite normal for autistics. But since I’m a bit unclear, what added needs does she have? 

The autistic brain will contain some of the same fundamental elements, much like how we can identify what is specific to NTs and then what is simply human nature. The reason I bring this up is because too much individualisation can make a thing uncertain and then we find it difficult to relate. 

Fundamentally, autistics can experience an “everything all at once” from a lack of ability to dull the senses. This can be amazing as a specialist but I think it’s part of what slows our maturing and requires intellectual education rather than socialising in youth. There is plenty of time to learn a bit of ethics and wisdom for socialising. The other thing we can experience is a sense of everything is connected. These same brain oscillations are responsible for a flow-state, or Monotropism, the ability to hyper focus. Thus interruptions are cruel. But in combination, these two distinct attributes can keep us stimulated into the wee hours of the morning from all encounters of the day yet to be resolved. 

So, I’d love to help with suggestions, but would need help understanding where her added needs are. 

One thing to try could be reading classic stories at night. I read with a card to underline and find that halogen or enough candlelight is easier to read as LEDs don’t provide enough natural light to see with contrast. 

Books without pictures, the old Paddington stories, Narnia, and so on, can provide enough stimulation for an active imagination, to redirect attention toward things which don’t need sorting out or calculating. And without pictures, the mind is forced to engage in soothing phantasies which should help wind down for the night. :) 

Hiya,

maybe talk to the doctor without her present. 

I don't have much advice on the food. She'll get hungry and want to eat eventually. Have you tried different foods, different textures, colours, make it interesting? if she isn't at risk of choking, try giving her a bowl of food and see what she does. we did this with my cousin (whos also on the spectrum and struggles to feed himself) and he put his head in it and ate it that way which was a bit messy but he had lots of fun and it got him eating again, we turned it into a game. Honestly not sure, your GP might have some suggestions

You can get things for her to bite Sensory Fidget Chewelry Rolla Tool Necklace Autism SEN ADHD Biting Hand Fidget | eBay, something like that. try and make it clear the next time that she bites you that it hurts. She isn't doing it to hurt you, she's trying to communicate.

Fingerscrossed school is ok on thursday

That's quite a common issue in children on the spectrum, does she have a bedtime routine, that's really important. She needs a safe space where she can be in the night where you feel comfortable leaving her so you can get some sleep too. I don't know your daughter so i am not sure what would be of help but you can get padded cushions to put on walls and make sure she has plenty of toys with her to keep her active.

You are certainly not a bad mum! she is very lucky to have you and sounds like you are super supportive of her needs and feelings. And certainly put her needs before your own. that makes you an amazing mum. It will get better, you just need to find what works for the both of you

Alisha xx

P.S. here if you ever want to chat