Published on 12, July, 2020
I just need to offload and vent right now. My daughter had a meltdown at work. When she started she changed her routine and we had to change ours to work around her shifts. That meant us having to leave work early to take her. She arrived at work ready and happy and then after half hour, someone told her that she isn't working today but is tomorrow. That was it for her, meltdown mode. She tried keeping it in and bottling it up and was on the edge of crying when messaging me to pick her up and saying she can't do this. She powered through and did her job for 5 minutes until she just let it out. It got too much.
Luckily her friend was working and has known her for many years so she helped calm her down and told others what to do to help. I was called by the staff. Luckily the staff are lovely and the person who told her she wasn't meant to be in apologised and felt really guilty. Her hours and days have now changed. No one told her until today aswell so she's very upset and annoyed with them.
I haven't told them she's autistic. Her friend knows but she won't say anything unless it's a life threatening emergency or unless she makes sure it's ok with us first, which we appreciate. Would it be a good idea to let them know she's on the spectrum. She works in a pub and her main job is to collect glasses. She does a little bit of other things but this is the main so isn't really interacting with anyone. Should I tell them? Would it help or just complicate things? What can I do to make her job easier for her because this is her first job?
Thanks for letting me vent. I really needed it. Plans have changed for tomorrow which effects everyone.
i feel potentially what might also be in your daughter's mind is along the lines of "i knew im stupid, im useless, i cant even get my days right, i look and idiot now, i am an idiot" self loathing things.
its an assumption i know and of course everyone knows what assumption is the mother of..
but, they should have communicated that in the first place as you obviously know, and, its led to this unfortunately, it doesn't sound very well managed to me.
and, yeah, your trying very hard too, not just your daughter, and again, well done yourself for that.
Aww bless her. I'm so sorry her first time at work wasn't a success. But it's positive that she's so determined. I can hear how much you love her and it's fab you are there to support her through this, she'll really appreciate your help and support for sure.
Let her cool down, it might take a while setbacks for us with autism can be draining emotionally, physically and mentally but she will get back on her feet. It just takes time. It's important that she doesn't blame herself for this as well. She's done super and I for one am impressed and know that she will go far.
I hope she's feeling a bit brighter this evening.
Thank you. All that happened yesterday was she got told she wasn't meant to be in, she was outside crying and called me, then came home. And during that she collected a few glasses so doing her job.
They are frustrated and upset that she didn't go to them. Her friend is disappointed aswell. And they think she doesn't want to be in anymore.
They were in tears very upset yesterday. Their reactions were a bit over the top. They have also spoken to the boss.
She kept it together at work. At home she let it out, she was crying until 10pm and struggled to regulate. She didn't eat or drink because she can't in that state. She was really hot and couldn't find her ice pack. It took her 3/4 hours to calm herself down. I'm proud of her though.
Shes putting a lot of pressure on herself. She's been wanting a job for months and this is the she decided to go for. Local and familiar. She really wants the money so she can be more independent and go out for the day.
I'm sorry this happened.
I think their reaction is upsetting and over the top. They should be more understanding to her situation and circumstances. Honestly I think your daughter will be better off away from that place and better suited with more understanding employers and a quieter and more routine job where her shift is unlikely to be altered suddenly. Finding the right job is hard but when she does I think she will be become settled and happy in it.
Wishing you both the best.
UPDATE: In all honesty, I think she's going to quit. She has had an argument with her best friend and now they aren't friends. Everyone was upset about yesterday. Her 'friend' said that she upset the bar staff by not going to them and just calling me instead. This upset them which I understand. I then phoned them later trying to get to the bottom of her shifts because she doesn't know what's happening which also sent her over the edge. She isn't getting paid weekly like everyone else because her boss hasn't taken her card details. I had many questions for them.
I think I also messed things up even more by calling them. I was upset because the communication there is poor, not letting her know she wasn't in, she's not added on to the group chat to see the rota. Apparently I upset them even more and made things worse because I had a go at them. Honestly, I was a bit upset but I wouldn't say I had a go at the person on the phone. People just don't understand our situation.
Yesterday messed things up. Since she started working, she's had to change her routine, we've had to change ours, her dad can't see her as much, we've had to leave work early so we can take her to work. Dinners are just completely messed up. There's no set time which we are currently working on. The days she showers have changed. We've changed most of our life so we can work around the hours she works. I just want people to understand the knock on effect it has. Its not just the case of, your hours have changed, or, you're not meant to be working today.
I'm sorry your daughter had a meltdown because of a sudden change of plan. I understand wholeheartedly how it feels and how easily it can push you into a meltdown.
It's fab she has such a good friend who knows her well and is there for her. I think that's really sweet and your daughter must find comfort in her friend. I think maybe you should talk to your daughter and see what she thinks about you saying to them about her being on the spectrum, having her input and thoughts might help you to choose what to do. If it was me I think it's better they know because if things change she might react badly and it's better they know why otherwise they might call say the police and I defos don't think that would be good for anyone.
It's good you vented this out it's important you don't bottle things up as well.