Published on 12, July, 2020
My son is 25yr and wont accept help, he is talking of starting college, but he left school at 15yrs with no qualifications, and has spent the last 10 years mainly in his bedroom. He now wants to start his life, but he needs support, I am happy he wants to move on, but i have no idea what the next step is .
that seems to be a common theme, the delayed start in life, and withdrawl from society for years after school. i think i was 25 when i decided to make changes, but that was more adding hobbies and fitness and so on to my life first, the job and seeking house and getting on in life came like 6 years after that start loli personally got my job through a agency and didnt require any interview and got it the same day as they texted me about it, instant right away start. but depends if hes at that stage yet, perhaps he maybe more in a developmental stage in which taking up a fitness based hobby that will get his body into a better shape and create motivation in him. all depends on him really and what he feels. perhaps he wants a job because he is perhaps now putting his finger on the fact that being alone and shut in is causing him to feel bad so perhaps he seeks a life to fix that. i believe he will be able to move in the correct direction by acting on what he feels. your feelings should always push you in the direction needed to fix issues you feel.
Some people drop out of school, only to go back to finish school in adulthood, so that they can go on to pursue higher education. Some people switch careers multiple times, and so there's people of all ages pursuing higher education. And in this day and age, there's likely a lot of online schooling and courses that he can take.
If after 10 years he's finally willing to move on in his life, then yes, he should do it. He's an adult now so that's good for him. Sure, getting into to college might require him to finish some prerequisites, but it's not an impossible feat. If he's discouraged, thinking that he has no qualifications, he might spend yet another 10 years in his bedroom. If he does not want to accept help or support, then let him try to work it out on his own.
Contact your local further education college(s) and ask about courses for adult learners with special needs. If possible ask to speak with an adviser or tutor.
Too much Schooling, and not enough Learning.
The Education system is too dependent on rote learning, for an exam. It puts kids under too much pressure. Previous generations, who left school at 15 and did apprenticeships, matured far quicker; as they had a sense of direction. Nowadays, our Nation has a culture of dependency, and entitlement.
My Generation were the Guinea Pigs for Millennials. We thought that, by listening to Oasis, we would become movers and shakers. But, up popped the Spice Girls. Then everything went AWOL.
My brother was in the same situation, until he joined an employability group. That helped him become a stable young man. Now, he is doing his own Software Development Project; so top-secret, I'm not told much detail. However, I don't interfere in his life anymore.
We mature different. Society does not tailor it's education system to suit how we learn and grow. Gen X'rs dealt with this by calling themselves "Late bloomers", when in fact, had we learned fundamentals principles of things in a natural order rather than chaotic and social, we would be ready to learn some social graces as a conscious and formal means of exchange in our late teens and worked toward adult things in our 20s. Society has never existed like it does now. By 18 we're expected to have a specific career trajectory, with a entrepreneurial outlook, the playbook on power, social forms and mannerisms, opening portfolios and getting a drivers license.
But autistics being thrust in to a whole system we're mismatched for, are exhausted by 16 and giving up. So, sounds about right. The system makes me a bit angry and I personally want to influence change.
It's amazing you're allowing him to grow to the next step when ready. I'm not sure I have practical advice, but any critical thought you can encourage is will help him succeed. Anything you can do to help expose him to ideas and opportunities, is important. We all have multiple things we might be good at but in order to get there, these talents need to be seen and 'drawn' or called out. However, nothing can be more supportive than family, allowing room to grow at ones pace if they can, helping with recourses and minding general health and well-being.
Your son is very lucky to have you supporting him and letting him find his own way. We started to worry about our son's future when he was about 15 and finally looked to get him an assessment in order to get him some outside guidance and help. It has been a very slow road with waiting lists for the aspergers assessment and then for social care assessments. He is now 19 and we are still having to be very patient with the system. I hope someone else can give you more detailed ideas because I don't really know the system. Good luck though and hang in there.