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Help! Problems with school effectively teaching my daughter.

Maude77

Hi, I am having trouble finding any information on the internet and wondered if anyone could offer any advice. My daughter is 14 and was diagnosed with Aspergers last year (although I knew from about aged 2 and a half). As I know it is very common for girls to go undiagnosed, it took suicide threats followed by a referal to psychiatic clinic before it was picked up (this wasn't the first time and think it was luck that the nurse picked up on the clues enough to push for ados test). All her schooling has been an uphill battle, behaviour and social conduct being the main issue but more recently it is the actual 'learning'. Her school seem almost oblivios to her needs although she is getting the occasional support teacher to help, it doesn't make a difference as she just doesn't understand also coupled with the badgering from teachers that they are trying to help her equates in her shutting down. More recently though it has resulted in meltdowns. She has then been issued after school detentions for not doing the work.

 She recently spoke with a connections advisor and told her that she had actually planned on killing herself and via my permission been referred to psychiatric clinic again.

 She came home from school a few days ago late and burst into tears. She was obviously extremely distressed and told me she had an after school detention and the teachers kept going on and on at her so much that she ended up having a meltdown. I was extremely angry and kept her at home for the next day to try and get her into a better mind state. I also emailed the school and told them I was very displeased to hear of this and I wanted to have a meeting with key members of staff to discuss the situation. Shortly after this I had an email from the school saying she was issued another after school detention for being 'defiant'.

 I despair at the schools understanding for Aspergers. I have requested a statement for her again and again but have always been fobbed off so have gone straight to the LEA requesting it. She is on action plus at the moment but I believe she really needs a statement,espescially for transition to further education. I want a statement also as I believe she should be in a special needs school. She needs people who understand how she thinks and don't think she's being smart/cocky when she asks 'what is the point of us learning this'.

 I'm basically looking for anyone who has been or going through similar and want a bit of back up that I Am in the right. I also need some facts that I could throw at the school during this meeting to show them that they aren't helping by giving her detentions and some justification to her behaviour or what they see as offensive comments...being defiant.

I'd also like to add that she is extremely intelligent so it breaks my heart that the education system is failing her.

 Thanks :)

  • How very frightening for you, we were in the same situation almost a year ago now.  Our son is on anti depressants which do help a bit I think.  I remember how horrible it felt when I discovered he had considered suicide, but thank goodness something stopped him and your daughter from going further.  I well remember the relief we all felt when he left the school and I hope it will be the same for you.  I did consider home education but actually I think we all benefit from the time away from each other and the routine and normality of the school day.

    Hope the meeting goes well, keep strong, remember you are not alone and that what is best for your child is specialised care and education which needs to be delivered by specialists in ASD.  Your daughter is entitled to an appropriate education for her needs and those needs are clearly not being met by her current school.  We found the Inclusion Manager at our local council was fantastic, in the end we went directly to her and this was when thingsbegan to happen.  We were provided with home tuition until a suitable school place was found.  However we would not have got this if we had not asked for it and persisted asking until we got it.  

  • Autismtwo and Mary,

    Thank you so much for that, It really gives me hope for her. I would never give up on her but it's inspiring to know that there are people who have been through the same thing and come out on top. As I had said there is the school meeting (tomorrow,18/06) and I see this as the big decider. I hadn't posted this originally but the biggest issue at the moment is that she is suicidal. she has in fact planned suicide ( I have learned this through a close 'online' friend of hers). So Mary, my initial response is to keep her at home away from the school that is hugely contributing to her current depression (depression that has risen from years of bullying and being misunderstood). I am watching her like a hawk at the moment at home and school are aware of her current fragile state but I'm not trusting them so withdrawal from school is imminant. Thanks again though, I'm so glad I registered on here as it has made me realise I'm not alone and any advice is greatly appreciated. xxx

  • You are absolutely right.  That could be our story, just the same.  We got the mental health team involved and under their advice took our child out of the school.  We then got the statement and he is now in a special school and finally is being treated with respect and understanding.  It has been a lng battle and we had to go direct to the people at the top in the local authority.

    We are now facing a lot of time and therapy to try and repair the damage to his mental health and self esteem.  My advice to you is urgently to get her out of that school but make sure you have the backing of the doctor otherwise you might face legal problems with keeping your child out of school.  Then the statement - you can apply for this yourself but it helps if school are involved.  Have a look at special school provsion.

    It makes me so sad that almost every day I read a story like yours and mine.

    Good luck, let us know how you get on. It took us 8 months from withdrawal from school to starting at the special school. 

  • Maude77,

    please bear in mind,, although a difficult situation/stage at this time,,, at her age, I spend most of my day hiding away from people at school and the school system, it overwhelmed me,,,, not an education qualification to my name from school,, but still went on to achieve a 1st class degree at university in later life. I am glad school taught me nothing, as it leaves you open minded with blue sky wonder for the future.

  • Thanks Crystal :) I've been up the school many times before and it all ends up a bit nicey nice and next thing I know I'm walking out and feel guilty that I've caused such a fuss because they tell me oh well we're doing this and she has this done etc then the problem being 'Megan' isn't receptive to it etc etc but now I'm aware that it isn't her, it's the Aspergers and they aren't equipped to deal with it. I've armed myself with as much relevant information and 'proof' as possible that she really is in the wrong place. Ever since this action plus has kicked in her grades have got worse and very quickly. They just don't seem to understand how to deal with her. It's very disapointing but I'm going to fight this and get her the education she deserves. Thank you for taking the time to reply x

  • Hi - excuse me for shouting, but YOU ARE RIGHT!  Don't lose your self belief.  My child didn't have the issues your daughter's having because he always went to autism-specific schools + they understood autism + him as an individual.  However, since he left I've had to "negotiate" with organisations who don't understand so I can see the problems you're having.  It can be absolutely heartbreaking for both of you.  Most of us have had to fight to get what our children need - sometimes, depending on where we live it's been especially difficult.  But we have to keep on because they want you to back off, either because they haven't got the facilities your child needs and/or the budget to provide what she needs.  So they'll only concede absolutely when they have to, altho they'll have known whether or not they were on a loser (case-wise) for ages.  It's absolutely dreadful that human beings can treat others this way, to the point where your daughter is in despair + so are you.  If you haven't already, look on the home pg here for info.  There's also a site called ipsea which I understand can be useful relating to education.  Others will be along who are more up-to-date than me, as my son is an adult now.  I'm sorry you have to keep fighting, but you must as her future depends upon it in so many ways.  Don't let up - they'll get the msg.