Daughter can speak but refuses

I think flash cards are the way to go, super easy, takes all the pressure off. and with that maybe she will start using words to communicate. Our therapist says that using pictures wherever possible is really helpful. 

A bit different, our 4yo developed a stutter and after a bit we noticed that when she was playing and singing, it wasn’t there at all, just when she had to communicate. 

She doesn’t say hello/Goodbye either, I think it’s a combination of not realising the need or/ and that it is too difficult and the same for communicating needs, she doesn’t say if she’s hungry, thirsty, tired, needs a wee, until is an absolute urgency. Even if she hurts herself it usually takes a bit of time to process it and she often tells us about it the next day and then cry’s at that point.

With the saying hello/ goodbye our therapist said that in the way we were coming across to her, it was demanding and that it was something that was very difficult for her and she needed to feel relaxed about it, that it was a choice and completely ok if she didn’t want to. 
He told us to drop the words for now and that trying for a little wave or even a nod and smile was a great start. 
So now with strangers we let it be and with family and friends, we ask her if she’d like to try a little wave or she would like to but needs a little help but if she doesn’t we tell her that’s also totally ok. 

with the above a penny clicked about eye contact. Since I became aware she had stopped giving eye contact and was often deep within her thoughts so wasn’t hearing me. I use to get down on her level in front of her and place a hand on one arm and ask her to look at me or if I needed her to listen to something I was asking her to look at me first so I knew that I had her attention.

So in effect I was demanding eye contact which is clearly something that is uncomfortable for her. So I stopped and switched to using listen to me please only. About 2-3 wks ago I noticed she had restarted to make eye contact with Me. 

That's amazing how her eye contact is coming back, I will have to try this!! Also that makes complete sense about saying hello and good bye, I never thought about that either, do you still say hello and good bye to people or have you cut it out completely ? 

She doesn’t give everybody eye contact at the moment just people she feels comfortable/ safe with, so me, starting to give a bit of eye contact/ glances to the therapist, a maternity teacher and most of her classmates (12 including her). 
I try not to push extended eye contact with her but now when I look away she turns my head back.

We still say hello and goodbye to her with a wave as well and accept whatever we get back if anything. If somebody on the street/ shop waves and say hi, we do too and even stop and talk but we don’t expect her to. I ask if she wants to try, if she doesn’t that’s fine and I just make up an excuse that she’s just out of bed, tired or shy for now.

With her friends, if they wave, we just say oh look x is waving at you, would you Like to try waving back. Or at the end of a play date we remind her that her friend is leaving and ask if she would like to try and wave goodbye, if she doesn’t we just usually say that it’s because she is feeling sad it’s the end of play date (which is true) and that she had fun and would love for them to come back soon.

my oh parents we have asked them to stop, as from day one they have been totally ott with her and trying to get her to visit was becoming impossibly and then when we did their antics were really too much for her.

We also started recently role playing games in a very subtle way, where it’s customary to say hello and goodbye like shops, library, vets, doctors, hairdressers etc

She doesn’t give everybody eye contact at the moment just people she feels comfortable/ safe with, so me, starting to give a bit of eye contact/ glances to the therapist, a maternity teacher and most of her classmates (12 including her). 
I try not to push extended eye contact with her but now when I look away she turns my head back.

We still say hello and goodbye to her with a wave as well and accept whatever we get back if anything. If somebody on the street/ shop waves and say hi, we do too and even stop and talk but we don’t expect her to. I ask if she wants to try, if she doesn’t that’s fine and I just make up an excuse that she’s just out of bed, tired or shy for now.

With her friends, if they wave, we just say oh look x is waving at you, would you Like to try waving back. Or at the end of a play date we remind her that her friend is leaving and ask if she would like to try and wave goodbye, if she doesn’t we just usually say that it’s because she is feeling sad it’s the end of play date (which is true) and that she had fun and would love for them to come back soon.

my oh parents we have asked them to stop, as from day one they have been totally ott with her and trying to get her to visit was becoming impossibly and then when we did their antics were really too much for her.

We also started recently role playing games in a very subtle way, where it’s customary to say hello and goodbye like shops, library, vets, doctors, hairdressers etc