Daughter can speak but refuses

I had difficulty accessing words I knew when I was young. I still have this difficulty. I can see an image in my head of a thing in great detail, but the part of my brain which is responsible for linguistics, grammar, etc. sometimes won't send the information I need that I know I've used before. This can be common for those of us who are picture-thinkers or reason and understand complex things with formulas rather than with language. Most NeuroTypical individuals have strong and focused 'neuro-wiring' in the lobes responsible for language. This is a distinction which contrasts the Autistic individual from the NeuroTypical individual. While yes, we (Autistic-Thinkers) may enjoy an encyclopaedia, we might because it is a novelty - we don't always have access to these networks using language within our brain.

I became a little better around 35. I read as much as I could, I absolutely love good journalism and documentary. But my imagination is far stronger. 

There are many actions, like miming, which she could engage with, to signify important things. Allow her room to express in ways she feels comfortable and as she grows, she might become better with language. A thumbs up and a smile or a smile and a pat on her heart can signify a 'Thank You'. Bits of sign language might help, especially for needing the loo or other matters of discretion. And perhaps playful sounds for needing a drink. Remember - She's 3! She's not ready to start an organisation to take down the government. She's not ready to make her mark on the high street. She can't draw up a nice theory of interplanetary navigation. She needs to playfully engage in ways which are innate for her lovely autistic being. Very few things are matters of consequence. 

If she can give a sign for needing the toilet, be sure to respond with "I need the toilet, please! And yes, let's go". As a parent it's always best to mimic out loud fully - what she might say (rather than saying, You need the toilet). When she performs a sign for thank you, do it with her and speak her phrase out loud as if she is saying it and we are saying it together. Let her grow and become in her beautiful unique ways and at her pace and she will learn to have a great deal of trust and faith in you. We always have much to learn from each other. My son is still my best teacher :) 

I did start trying to do sign language with her the last few days starting with just drink and food but it's very hard to get her to look at you to see you doing the signs, she has started saying I love you by me pointing to my eye, chest then to her so I know sign will help but it's getting her attention, we also do try and answer our own questions as if she was answering to try and teach her what to say, the only issue with this is sometimes it winds her up and she'll get upset and repeat it back as if we was trying to force her to say it when we're just trying to teach her the correct response if that makes sense. I think she is very much a learning from pictures so I think flash cards may help and just put them on the cupboard that has the item inside for her to point at which one she wants maybe ? Luckily her nursury our amazing with her and we are all working together and using the same techniques so she's not getting different things to over whelm her it's just very hard to know the best route to go to set the right foundation in place for when she's ready 

Theatre is a good space to learn about looking into each others eyes within given perimeters, and a set dialogue. It's important to recognise this is not only incredibly intimate, but in some cultures a technique for aggression, challenging, demanding a misrepresentation of respect.

The eyes being the "windows to the soul" - your depth, this swirling galaxy of the inner YOU is complex and autistics sense this - we can get swallowed up into it an it is daunting. One needs a few psychology courses and spiritual retreats to begin to understand the matters of the heart. You are Raw and Exposed and your words will coalesce into a pool of muddiness - crowed with all your insecurities, dreams, conquests and past unmet desire. But I won't be able to identify exactly what I am seeing, just sense all this grand-scale which makes you, inherently you. This is one part of the problem with demand for eye-contact. 

Understanding the concept of Monotropism will help make sense of why closing my eyes and listening to your words is easier to hyper-focus and respond respectfully - and this is the second part of the problem for autistics, this ability to do one thing, correctly at a time. Thus, it puts a bit of responsibility on parents to not misidentify a thing or pause for a moment and double check their meaning. The crossword puzzle is quite good for this reckoning. 

As for attention, ask to be included into her imagination. Allow her to express everything she is lost in, as it could be absolutely fascinating. And then ask "can we prepare to do something else?" Give her a warning of change and time to adjust. This is also related to monotropism. When she is older, this hyper-focus can make her in demand for research or scientific inquiry, for puzzle solving or like a part of my job, editing. 

Theatre is a good space to learn about looking into each others eyes within given perimeters, and a set dialogue. It's important to recognise this is not only incredibly intimate, but in some cultures a technique for aggression, challenging, demanding a misrepresentation of respect.

The eyes being the "windows to the soul" - your depth, this swirling galaxy of the inner YOU is complex and autistics sense this - we can get swallowed up into it an it is daunting. One needs a few psychology courses and spiritual retreats to begin to understand the matters of the heart. You are Raw and Exposed and your words will coalesce into a pool of muddiness - crowed with all your insecurities, dreams, conquests and past unmet desire. But I won't be able to identify exactly what I am seeing, just sense all this grand-scale which makes you, inherently you. This is one part of the problem with demand for eye-contact. 

Understanding the concept of Monotropism will help make sense of why closing my eyes and listening to your words is easier to hyper-focus and respond respectfully - and this is the second part of the problem for autistics, this ability to do one thing, correctly at a time. Thus, it puts a bit of responsibility on parents to not misidentify a thing or pause for a moment and double check their meaning. The crossword puzzle is quite good for this reckoning. 

As for attention, ask to be included into her imagination. Allow her to express everything she is lost in, as it could be absolutely fascinating. And then ask "can we prepare to do something else?" Give her a warning of change and time to adjust. This is also related to monotropism. When she is older, this hyper-focus can make her in demand for research or scientific inquiry, for puzzle solving or like a part of my job, editing. 

https://monotropism.org