Daughter can speak but refuses

I had difficulty accessing words I knew when I was young. I still have this difficulty. I can see an image in my head of a thing in great detail, but the part of my brain which is responsible for linguistics, grammar, etc. sometimes won't send the information I need that I know I've used before. This can be common for those of us who are picture-thinkers or reason and understand complex things with formulas rather than with language. Most NeuroTypical individuals have strong and focused 'neuro-wiring' in the lobes responsible for language. This is a distinction which contrasts the Autistic individual from the NeuroTypical individual. While yes, we (Autistic-Thinkers) may enjoy an encyclopaedia, we might because it is a novelty - we don't always have access to these networks using language within our brain.

I became a little better around 35. I read as much as I could, I absolutely love good journalism and documentary. But my imagination is far stronger. 

There are many actions, like miming, which she could engage with, to signify important things. Allow her room to express in ways she feels comfortable and as she grows, she might become better with language. A thumbs up and a smile or a smile and a pat on her heart can signify a 'Thank You'. Bits of sign language might help, especially for needing the loo or other matters of discretion. And perhaps playful sounds for needing a drink. Remember - She's 3! She's not ready to start an organisation to take down the government. She's not ready to make her mark on the high street. She can't draw up a nice theory of interplanetary navigation. She needs to playfully engage in ways which are innate for her lovely autistic being. Very few things are matters of consequence. 

If she can give a sign for needing the toilet, be sure to respond with "I need the toilet, please! And yes, let's go". As a parent it's always best to mimic out loud fully - what she might say (rather than saying, You need the toilet). When she performs a sign for thank you, do it with her and speak her phrase out loud as if she is saying it and we are saying it together. Let her grow and become in her beautiful unique ways and at her pace and she will learn to have a great deal of trust and faith in you. We always have much to learn from each other. My son is still my best teacher :) 

I had difficulty accessing words I knew when I was young. I still have this difficulty. I can see an image in my head of a thing in great detail, but the part of my brain which is responsible for linguistics, grammar, etc. sometimes won't send the information I need that I know I've used before. This can be common for those of us who are picture-thinkers or reason and understand complex things with formulas rather than with language. Most NeuroTypical individuals have strong and focused 'neuro-wiring' in the lobes responsible for language. This is a distinction which contrasts the Autistic individual from the NeuroTypical individual. While yes, we (Autistic-Thinkers) may enjoy an encyclopaedia, we might because it is a novelty - we don't always have access to these networks using language within our brain.

I became a little better around 35. I read as much as I could, I absolutely love good journalism and documentary. But my imagination is far stronger. 

There are many actions, like miming, which she could engage with, to signify important things. Allow her room to express in ways she feels comfortable and as she grows, she might become better with language. A thumbs up and a smile or a smile and a pat on her heart can signify a 'Thank You'. Bits of sign language might help, especially for needing the loo or other matters of discretion. And perhaps playful sounds for needing a drink. Remember - She's 3! She's not ready to start an organisation to take down the government. She's not ready to make her mark on the high street. She can't draw up a nice theory of interplanetary navigation. She needs to playfully engage in ways which are innate for her lovely autistic being. Very few things are matters of consequence. 

If she can give a sign for needing the toilet, be sure to respond with "I need the toilet, please! And yes, let's go". As a parent it's always best to mimic out loud fully - what she might say (rather than saying, You need the toilet). When she performs a sign for thank you, do it with her and speak her phrase out loud as if she is saying it and we are saying it together. Let her grow and become in her beautiful unique ways and at her pace and she will learn to have a great deal of trust and faith in you. We always have much to learn from each other. My son is still my best teacher :) 

I did start trying to do sign language with her the last few days starting with just drink and food but it's very hard to get her to look at you to see you doing the signs, she has started saying I love you by me pointing to my eye, chest then to her so I know sign will help but it's getting her attention, we also do try and answer our own questions as if she was answering to try and teach her what to say, the only issue with this is sometimes it winds her up and she'll get upset and repeat it back as if we was trying to force her to say it when we're just trying to teach her the correct response if that makes sense. I think she is very much a learning from pictures so I think flash cards may help and just put them on the cupboard that has the item inside for her to point at which one she wants maybe ? Luckily her nursury our amazing with her and we are all working together and using the same techniques so she's not getting different things to over whelm her it's just very hard to know the best route to go to set the right foundation in place for when she's ready 

I want to add: Music uses parts of the brain which have strong network connexions for Autistics - the occipital lobe, various right side uses. 

Another way to help her express important things is to Help or encourage her write her own short songs to sing her needs. If you have an instrument, help her find her inner melody. Perhaps there is a chant which can be sung and might be easier for her to remember if sung, such as "lovely loo, I need you". Many musicians are actually autistic. I now work in sound and post production. I don't need to tell others when I need the loo or ask for a drink. And perhaps, you can create a way for her to self-access simple things like healthy food items and water. 

There is a lot of work being done on the importance of music, the parts of the brain which it activates and how it is helpful for dementia or stroke patients. Autistics might either have too much happening in other parts of the brain for them to access the feeling of needing the toilet and so you may simply have to set timers to help her "just go even if you don't think you need to".  We may be overwhelmed by sensory input such as seemingly inaudible sounds others cannot hear when the senses are too dulled or too desensitised. Too much sensory input can interfere with being able to recognise what I need.

There are many reasons she can't access her words and they all have to do with her potential. She will have strengths and talent in certain things which may appear complex and may not be able to do what appears simple to you. This IS a phenomenon of autistic wiring. We have always been around, but the world has changed. If it feels unfamiliar, just remember all you need to do to be a good mum is have a little patience, understanding and a bit of creative problem solving.