Hi all! I apologise and thank you in advance, this might be long.
My son has turned 9 in April and is finding things more and more difficult. He is struggling with school. Some days are easier than others but half of the week he has tummy ache because he is so stressed about. If they have a national day celebration or smt he doesn't want to go. He can't explain why but it usually ends up with him being in tears the day before for hours. I've tried talking to understand but never get a reply. He doesn't know. I recently realised its the changes in the schedule that stress him out. They went on a school trip a month ago. It was a fun day out. He didn't want to go but I pushed him. I said to go and try as the last 2 years due to Covid they didn't go. He accepted it and didn't make a fuss however for the last 5 days before the trip every night we have the same discussion. They were told not to take their school bags with them but to take another bag. This seemed so wrong to him - we talked it over and again. But mummy, everyday I go with my school bag, this is weird. I tried explaining, I said maybe other kids feels it weird too but its like that for everyone...
He never goes to parties, he only likes playdays on a 1-1 basis. Even with his 2 friends that they go to school everyday together for the past year when asked to go out to Mcdonalds with them and the guy/friend who drives them all to school he didn't want to go. He doesn't feel comfortable. Of course he has no hobbies outside of home. He won't join another class. He does painting at home now on a 1-1 basis.
All this is fine if he can't tolerate it and is perhaps on the spectrum, of course we will support him, I was pushing thinking maybe with Covid he got used to being just us and needed a little push.
3 years ago we went and had so many medical tests done as he keeps complaining about his feet and hands. He has this "need" to press his fingers and toes down. Most shoes are not comfy enough for him so we them bigger. Gloves same issue. The doctor back then told me that we ruled out everything medical and perhaps we need to see if its psychological. I thought he was joking. My happy little boy. But my happy little boy is not so happy any more. He struggles socially a lot and I struggle with him.
He currently has occupational therapy, we were told he is super weak and has been going for a year. They are on top of it and have a psychiatrist who runs the centre and has seen him last year and this year. Their concern is that he doesn't understand well the emotions. Especially the negative ones. He suggested to have speech therapy but not in terms of pronunciation. They said at this age speech therapy is more to do with understanding and showing emotion.
My therapist about a month ago suggested that he might be on the spectrum although he has never seen him, just from everything I've been saying. I must admit it got me by surprise. He thought I was suspecting it and this is why I was discussing it so much. He feels that the doctors back then should have pushed me more to have him evaluated. So here am I am at a loss. I have a meeting with the head at the centre he goes to ask what she thinks. They have never mentioned a specific diagnosis they focus on the problems and I like that. They pushed me to have him started with language therapy. It wasn't me. But they never mentioned why he is like this. Just how they can help. Should I ask directly? Can a 9 year old kid be on the spectrum and not show more obvious signs earlier? Though to be fair with Covid the last 2 years it wouldn't have been easy to pinpoint such behaviours.
I'm sorry if this is confusing. Its difficult to know where to focus and what might be important.
Thank you for any advice!