coping with meltdowns alone

thank you. She may very well have P.D.A,which explains her not doing as she is told,even if its to keep her safe.

Regarding hugs, I didn't like being hugged as a child but I did like being in my room with background noise.

I note in your original post you mentioned being out. Wondering if you discuss the going out and the time you will return home. My son used to find it hard to come away from the playground when he was younger. I used to discuss how long we would be there, then give him a 10 minute warning, asking if there was one more activity he wanted to go on before we left. I might also say what we would do when we got home. 

I also used to acknowledge when he found something difficult that I understood how hard he might find this. This also helped me as I felt anyone nearby who might want to criticize would understand too.

Hi NAS80262, I just joined this online group. I have a son who is grown, he's 46. I am just sharing what works for him. I get that your daughter may not want to be hugged, I hope that works for you though. But if not, what works for my son sometimes is that he'll go in his closet, it's a walk-in and sit in there. He has it made up nice with lights and things he loves. Maybe your daughter could find a space she feels safe in too. I think if it's small, it will feel more safe....cozy. She could have her favorite things in there. Just a thought. I so hope you find something that works. We don't get an instruction booklet with all the answers in it. We struggle through with trail and error hoping to find what works for our own individual situation. Good luck to you. =)

she seems to dislike any contact, and whenever ive tried, she has pushed me away. but i shall try it,maybe using a blanket,then she can adjust the pressure.    The school senco,has said i should work on the controlling element of her autsim,but im just confused about it all

I agree with this. We use hugs at school because a hug can stop a meltdown from happening or help someone come out of one. You should try it if you haven't already. 

Did you try hugging her?

I know it's so simple and a blunt question.

But have you tried that?

Do it gently and with a smile on your face that says you accept everything that she is.

And don't let go, believe me when I say that she'll love it.

Don't act as if her actions are irrational or abnormal but instead try to act as if they are and watch her as she recalibrates and figure things out on her own.

I know this may sound counterintuitive to you, but a hug can go a long way.

thank you for your reply. She has sensory processing issues too, and cant recognize when she is full from eating, her body temperature and whenever she is overtired.

Being tired itself is just a big trigger. Being tired makes everything worse. If she is trying to hide, you could bring a blanket everywhere and when she needs it, she could go under it but just be careful due to suffocation. It sounds like one of our students at school, I'm a SEN teacher specialising in autism. She has a lot of energy and won't stop moving until she's tried but then when she is tired, she really struggles and meltdowns. 

thank you for your reply. She is 8,and iam not totally sure of all the triggers,but being tired is one.  I think she runs off to find a safe place where she can hide.

She can try and go under parked cars, or find any small places,or be tempted to run across roads.

Last week she was on a bouncy castle for a long time,then had a meltdown,and ive noticed before,when she plays sports,she wont stop untill she gets tired, then meltdown . and of course if we are out,its getting back home. i will try your tips,thanks

How old is she, if you don't mind me asking? What triggers the meltdown? Once you know that, you can start figuring out what to do next. Is it noisy? The traffic? Crowded? Unfamiliar place? The unknown about whats going to happen? What about the smell? 

Once you know, you will know how to help. Can you take ear defenders out, sensory toys, a Teddy or toy she likes. If it is the unknown, visuals are great to use. Tell her what's going to happen in an order and get her to tick or cross it when it's happened. 

If she runs away, give her space or sometimes, offering a hug can work, if they like being hugged. If she is hitting, a sensory toy could help and tell her 'no hitting' or 'hands to yourself'. What does she do to put herself in dangerous places? You are a great parent and I'm sure you are doing everything you can. We have similar issues so I hope these can be some sort of help. Sorry if it's not. Good luck.