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12 year old no friends

NAS80018

Hi my 12 year son has just had a diagnosis, it hasn’t come as a shock to me but taken years to get it . He is the happiest nicest boy you could meet . But doesn’t want to go out anywhere and has no friends . He started sec school in September coped really well but gets on better with staff then fellow pupils . He finds it hard to join in . At weekends / holidays he happiest in his bedroom . Anywhere suggested he’s adamant he doesn’t want to go . My daughter on the other hand is restless at home and wants to be out doing things and going places so now either my hubby or me take her on our own . It breaks my heart to think he’s in his room on his own . I seen a youth club for autistic teenagers but there’s no way he would go where other kids will be . Tried beavers / go karting / holiday clubs over the years he hates them . When he does go out it’s walking somewhere quiet / playing on a beach anywhere. He seems happy enough but it’s sad what a lovely soft boy he is . Any advice for social anxiety 

  • This sounds very much like my step son, although he does go to clubs and classes outside of school. He just doesn't want anything else to do with them outside of those classes so when at home he wants to be in his bedroom all the time playing with Lego. Screen tiime is limited with us as he doesn't sleep much. We are under paediatrics for this . We only got his diagnosis last Tuesday and awaiting executive functioning assessment

  • Is it that his interests are maybe not very age appropriate? Would rather talk about 'adult' topics like science or philosophy? Have you thought of of taking him to more adult things? Things that aline with his special interests? Yes he should get involved with other people his own age. He'll miss out on things if he doesn't. But developing a social life with an older crowd who share his interests might help him gain the confidence to do that.

  • in reply to Ian

    I know quite a few autistic and/or ADHD kids who have enjoyed the Boys Brigade, Scouts, Cadets or other uniformed youth groups. They tend to be quite structured, meetings have a regular format, and the programme is activity-based rather than requiring too much social interaction. I was talking to one of my neighbours, an autistic fifteen-year-old at our street party, and he told me about doing his Duke of Edinburgh's Award with the Boys' Brigade. I imagine the main hurdle would be to get him to go along for a trial meeting ...

  • I wonder if a youth conservation project might be suitable?  Working on a "project" may enable him to work on his own or with one or two people without having to socialise. Just a thought ...

  • Hi, 

    My 13 year old son sounds just like yours. He's a lovely, sweet boy but has no interest in socialising at all. I tried doing some more social events with him and he was so uncomfortable he would ask to leave within 15 mins. If we didn't go, he would either get panicky or angry. 

    I ended up not forcing the issue too much. He's a teen, hormones are running amuck, and it was triggering challenging behaviour. My brother is 23 and also has autism, and he hates socialising! However, he is ok. He does it when he has to now he is an adult, but he would much rather be at home online gaming. He is successful at work, has a select few friends, his own place, a girlfriend. I wonder if we sometimes put too much pressure on autistic teens to socialise because it's what we expect typical teens to do?