Advice on how to deal with extreme anxiety in young child ?

He may need time each day in a space without triggers.  He might find school too much if easily triggered or too anxious, but he may learn to cope better as time goes by.

Thank you i bought some toy bugs and a book about bugs and he seems fine with that but it he sees a bee outside he will start to freak out I try to explain bees are looking for flowers so they can take the pollen to their hive to make honey but he is still extremely frightened. They tried to do a bug hunt at nursery which didn’t end well they said. He’s now afraid of everything even the cat who we have had since before he was born she walked past him this morning and he started shouting im scared. I’m just concerned now that he’s been assessed as suitable for mainstream school that if he does go he will be like this in class And end up disrupting the class. 

You are probably correct, and that has spirialed so now he is anxious generally so sudden or unusual noises might trigger him.

You might want to show him that bugs are OK by finding ones inside or out to look at, or watch youtube videos of people holding insects.  Old school thing was to find an insect outdoors and put in a jar and take it indoors, have a look at it.

CREEPY crawly >> interesting creature

Nearly all UK insects are harmless to humans, yes wasps/hornets/beeps can sting but its rare, and acting calm around them is the best way to deal with them.  

Gp said he was too young for any type of medication to help and said she couldn’t do anything to speed up the waiting list for assessment. My older son has also been on the waiting list almost 3 years but he isn’t as bad as my younger son he is more social issues. The educational psychologist has assessed my younger son within nursery so knows him so I’m hoping she could possibly help but if not I will keep chasing up the referral x

That’s disappointing. I wouldn’t necessarily just accept that if you’re not happy. Does the GP mean an autism assessment? Does your son not have a diagnosis yet? I would do all the research you can - I wouldn’t rely on the Ed. psych and Camhs to give you all the info and help you need. They are often a disappointment I’m sorry to say (although you might be lucky and get someone whose really committed to helping your son. It can vary a lot. I really do empathise - seeing our children in so much distress is the worst feeling. Keep in touch on here - there’s so much solidarity in this community. 

The important thing is that he has someone to guard and protect him as he sleeps, which is why using a toy that has the role to guard and watch over him is essential to ease his distress, and so placing the toy on a table to watch the door is an important aspect. And face the toy so that the child is behind the toy to mimic the sense of security of being shielded by a parent. But don't face any toys to stare at the child, that can get creepy. 

I mean a child just holding a stuffed animal won't make him feel protected. Him holding a stuffed animal is like you holding a baby, do you feel like the baby can protect you against attackers? No. Young children understand this, because when given a doll they can mimic the caretaking and nurturing roles of a parent (to an extent. I mean sometimes they start bashing the dolls around). So holding a stuffed animal has similar psychological effects as holding a baby does. It makes them feel like they are taking care of it, rather than feeling safe and protected by it. So in times when they are scared, they want someone to protect and watch over them, and just holding a stuffed animal won't fulfill that need. 

Also his older brother will need to fall asleep at some point during the night, and if the younger one is still awake, he might become scared because his protector has fallen asleep, leaving him alone and vulnerable. That's why a toy is good, it does not need to sleep, I'll keep defending and guarding from dusk till dawn, and as long as the child feels that sense of security that won't leave him, it's easier for him to fall asleep. 

Yes it could be all the talk of moving to primary school he is very affectionate and very attached to his nursery teacher. The other day she was saying he said he didn’t want to go to school until he was 6 and adamant he was staying in nursery. So that kinda makes sense now. I actually purchased a weighted blanket off Amazon and I’ve told him it’s heavy because it’s like a big hug from mum so called it his hug blanket and will keep him calm this seems to have worked tonight to settle him into bed x

My son gets very stressed over bugs at 14. I remember when we moved house his reactions over noise became more extreme like creaking floors. I remember too when we went on holiday about 4 years ago we went to a museum and when he heard a floor creak he had a meltdown.

He seems to get more anxious during times of change. I wonder if it is harder for him at the moment because he is approaching the time when he will be leaving nursery.

The idea given by someone else of a cuddly toy might also help when he goes to other rooms. So can he take a favorite toy to sit in the bathroom with him?

Also would it help to have some low level background sound like some calming music to cover up small sounds?

Doctors were useless just told me nothing they can do as he’s too young and to wait on the assessment. Contacted my health visitor who suggested I contact the educational psychologist to get him referred to cahms hopefully she can help.

That sounds very stressful has he calmed down now about the fear of the crane flies ? Yes I think at first it was the bugs and now it’s just everything. He is a bit calmer this morning but I can still tell the anxiety is there he held my hand tight when coming downstairs and he is sitting on the couch with his hands clenched looking around he has said he is scared a couple of times but when I ask why he says I don’t know and he is constantly saying mum I love you I think it’s a reassurance thing. I’m telling him when I’m leaving the room to try and reassure him that I’m just going to do something and be right back. He does enjoy nursery but I definitely think he’s not as bad as he is at home and it is usually after a day at nursery the meltdowns will start. They did a bug hunt the other day and his teacher said that he was very scared of everything and had quite an emotion day. They said a few months ago that they feel mainstream school would benefit him rather than a sen school but I’m not sure now with this sudden change if he will be able to cope in school. We have a transition meeting in a couple weeks. I called the doctor today so just waiting on a call back to see if they can help with anything. Thanks for the advice it’s helpful to find someone else in the same situation as I’ve struggled to find support x

Poor thing - it must be awful for him - and so upsetting for you. I’m sorry. Hopefully the GP will be able to refer you for some help. I remember when my son was younger he developed a phobia about crane flies - if he saw anything moving that MIGHT be a crane fly he’d go into extreme panic - he once tried to get out of a moving car because he thought there was a crane fly in the car. We were also driving on a motorway once and again  he thought there was one in the car again and he became hysterical in the car - so stressful. 
it seems though with your son that it’s not a phobia as it involves many different things. It could be just hugely high anxiety levels overall which are making him even more sensitive to everything. 
Until you find answers I suppose all you can do is do everything you can to provide as much comfort and reassurance as you can, and help him to feel as safe as you can. 
is going to nursery helping him? Or could it be that the stress of being in nursery is ‘coming out’ in these behaviours when he comes home? 
is he happy to go to nursery? My son’s mental health difficulties started when he started schools - he was perfectly happy and contented until he had to try to cope with school. 

I feel like initially it was the fear of the bugs I’m not sure why. Possibly because bees and things have started coming out now possibly the noise they make ? But nothing specific has happened for him to have the extreme fear. I have spoken to him and he can’t really express much of what he’s feeling just that he doesn’t like it and he is scared. He has also developed a dislike to anything on his hands like pen or food which he never had an issue with before but he does have issues if he stands on branches, stones or snow so I think it might be sensory ? But its only escalated to this extreme in the last week. I’m going to call the doctor tomorrow and ask for advice though I’m not really sure what to say? There isn’t any funding in my area for one to one advice I have asked and been told this :(

You could ask your GP for an opinion on this. Is it a phobia of bugs mainly? Could you talk with him and ask him where his fear of bugs has come from? Has something happened to trigger this fear? 

I tried to get him to hug his favourite teddy tonight and said he will keep him safe. He also shares a room with his older brother who I said will keep him safe too. He has settled a bit but as soon as any of us leave the room you can see the anxiety building and he starts saying I’m scared.

I think it has started with a fear of bugs, mostly flying insects and I think the fluff made him think it was a bug he had a similar meltdown on Friday where he was fixated on the floor and refused to walk on the floor or go anywhere without anyone else. He’s even refusing to go to bathroom alone. I’m really struggling with finding advice. He is still in nursery as he was deferred a year but he has similar issues though not as extreme as he has been having at home recently.

Well the fear might come from things that he thinks might harm him, and he does not want you or anyone else to leave the room, because he'll lose his sense of safety and protection and feel vulnerable.

So get one of his stuffed animals (preferably a tough looking one), and tell him that you're going to put this stuffed animal to watch the door and guard over him while he sleeps. And then he can hold another stuffed animal for comfort. I mean if he has some sort of action figure, that could be used too. This might give him a sense of security and comfort as he sleeps. 

Could this be as a result of something that has happened at school? Can you identify anything that might have triggered this? What does he say?