Published on 12, July, 2020
My daughter is 11 diagnosed with ASD during the pandemic. She is artistic, musical and can sing in tune and reasonably good at running. She certainly would not be in the gifted range for these things but she does have flair and would be above average. Honestly, I would love to have had these gifts myself!
However she does not want to develop these interests. Does not want to take an art class, refuses to sing at trial singing lessons, will not join a choir, wants to quit piano etc etc At home, she hides in her room and listens to audio books or play on the ipad. I have suggested group music lessons which she says is the worst thing. She says she hates art and does not like running. We have told her that we want her to find a hobby or interest that she loves doing-she is even not interested in learning how to create her own computer games. I find this a bit strange because usually people like doing things they are good at.
I would like her to develop a few of her talents because I know that it will help her in her some way in the future- mentally, emotionally and physically ( or even lead to future employment) but I do not know whether it is wise to insist she joins in the extra curricular classes that will develop these talents- taking into account that she is autistic and also is it right to insist?. If you do think I should insist, how many classes would be reasonable for an 11 year old autistic child? I do not want to overload her and I am not sure of what a good balance looks like.
Alternatively any ideas on how we can find her a hobby since she seems so reluctant to try things.
I also find this situation a bit strange as I thought most people with ASD naturally gravitated towards an interest and this interest becomes all consuming for them...
Your experience and wisdom appreciated.
We mature much slower and I suggest females even more so than males.
And yes, our biggest competition is our selves, being around others can make it difficult to learn due to extra social stresses.
One-on-one vocal lessons might be good, but provided the instructor knows how to teach autistic students - we understand everything different. It is far more important to have fundamental concepts and build on them. But I wouldn't suggest vocal lessons until around 15 as the voice has yet to develop.
What is she listening to on her iPad? Would she be interested in learning to make her own audio book? Would she be interested in building a game with software? There does seem to be many NeuroDivergent women in music tech. Perhaps this is a better avenue to look into. She may need to see what this looks like. When I was her age I just wanted to build forts and make things.
Does she prefer audio books because she has a sort of dyslexia? Or would she like to go to the library once a week and just get lost in it? This IS a hobby and quite a good one. A quiet place with a wealth of knowledge and hopefully a listening station where one can put headphones on and listen to vinyl. There are so many jobs which do this exact thing. From critics who write for a myriad of music magazines or The Times Literary Supplement (Caitlin Moran started as a music journalist), to Music Supervisors and Sound Editors and the Music Supervisors who grew up with enough money to collect a library of music would get the jobs. Perhaps she could get a tour of a radio station or meet others making podcasts. Or maybe there is a theme in what she is listening to that will be a hint into what she is drawn to. Just some ideas.
Hi Juniper,
Thank you. You have hit it on the head in this aspect. One of the reasons i want her to explore her musicality is that these days, music and tech can be done at home using technology and I thought if she could at least have part of her working life at home, then that could be a good thing for her. I did try vocal lessons but as you say, the teacher was clueless and I was really cross because the business had said they have a few ASD students. She now refuses to consider the idea. I had not thought about the library - it could be a good idea to try. Thank you