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Developing interests and hobbies

NAS75635

My daughter is 11 diagnosed with ASD during the pandemic. She is artistic, musical and can sing  in tune and reasonably good at running. She certainly would not be in the gifted range  for these things but she does have  flair and would be above average. Honestly, I would love to have had these gifts myself!

However she does not want to develop these interests.  Does not want to take an art class, refuses to sing at trial singing lessons, will not join a choir, wants to quit piano etc etc At home, she hides in her room and listens to audio books or play on the ipad. I have suggested group music lessons which she says is the worst thing. She says she hates art and does not like running. We have told her that we want her to find a hobby or interest that she loves doing-she is even not interested in learning how to create her own computer games. I find this a bit strange because usually people like doing things they are good at.

I would like her to develop a few of her talents because I know that it will help her in her some way  in the future- mentally, emotionally and physically ( or even lead to future employment) but I do not know whether it is wise to insist  she joins in the  extra curricular classes  that will develop these talents- taking into account that  she is autistic and also is it right to insist?. If you do think I should insist, how many classes would be reasonable for an 11 year old autistic child? I do not want to overload her and I  am not sure of what a good balance looks like.

Alternatively any ideas on how we can find her a hobby since she seems so reluctant to try things.

I also find  this situation a bit strange as I thought most people with ASD naturally gravitated towards an interest and this interest becomes all consuming for them...

Your experience and wisdom appreciated.

Parents

  • Well, taking classes versus indulging in a hobby on your own is quite different. Classes are very structured and about strenuous practice, and that can take the fun out of an interest. Also, classes that include other people can make things stressful because of the comparison being made on how good you are compared to others in the class. It's like how you mentioned that your daughter is not in the gifted range, but she is above average in her flair, but what or who are you comparing that to? 

    Your daughter is gifted regardless. You might be upset by her hiding in the room listening to audio books and playing on the ipad, but to be honest, that's where she can develop her interests the most, and it's not uncommon for people who are autistic to spend copious amounts of time on their own. We are not always great at social activities and engagements, so these things about taking a class, joining a choir, taking singing and piano lessons, and group lessons can be areas of stress for us. This is not the greatest method for us.

    I mean, your daughter would likely do better at learning and developing her skills independently and on her own, from downloading, reading, playing, and listening to things on her ipad, rather than from the group engagement methods that you've listed. She'll likely learn better from independently reading a book, than she would from learning from a teacher. 

Reply

  • Well, taking classes versus indulging in a hobby on your own is quite different. Classes are very structured and about strenuous practice, and that can take the fun out of an interest. Also, classes that include other people can make things stressful because of the comparison being made on how good you are compared to others in the class. It's like how you mentioned that your daughter is not in the gifted range, but she is above average in her flair, but what or who are you comparing that to? 

    Your daughter is gifted regardless. You might be upset by her hiding in the room listening to audio books and playing on the ipad, but to be honest, that's where she can develop her interests the most, and it's not uncommon for people who are autistic to spend copious amounts of time on their own. We are not always great at social activities and engagements, so these things about taking a class, joining a choir, taking singing and piano lessons, and group lessons can be areas of stress for us. This is not the greatest method for us.

    I mean, your daughter would likely do better at learning and developing her skills independently and on her own, from downloading, reading, playing, and listening to things on her ipad, rather than from the group engagement methods that you've listed. She'll likely learn better from independently reading a book, than she would from learning from a teacher. 

Children
  • in reply to Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia

    I have to say I agree with  ‘Hippo……..’ - an organised group class with other people is probably very stressful for her because of the other people. Myself and my son feel this way - so things like that a very intimidating for us. Having said that I sometimes feel it would be ‘good for us’ to do things like that - if we had the courage. It’s a difficult balance. I’d say maybe encourage your daughter to try things like this - but don’t  pressure her. Make it clear to her that you understand if she is firm about not feeling she wants to go to group activities. Be encouraging but also accepting of her needs and wishes.