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Distressed behavior

ParentingAutism

I have stopped posting on here for a while after getting back on track with our daughter. 

Unfortunately, for the past few weeks, our 15 y.o daughter has shown an increase of distressed behavior, including biting herself, punching herself, mainly her head and face, also head banging. She has never done this before so we are worried even more than usual. If she isn't hurting herself, she is hurting others, mainly her school staff, by kicking, biting, punching, hitting, hair pulling, and pinching at times. Recently,  last Friday, she had to be held a few times for these reasons. 

School have informed me that her behavior is becoming more challenging than usual and there is no pattern so they don't really know the trigger or how to solve it yet. She has been locking teachers out of her room or so they can't be in the same room, she has been shouting and screaming at them, she isn't eating or drinking in school which doesn't help, she keeps saying 'no' to everything which is very common. 

We have seen 1 thing in her behavior. When she is calm and in a 'green zone' so she is ready to work and happy, she will be sat in the classroom and will engage. When she's in the 'orange/amber' zone, so when she is struggling to focus, is bored, or is getting unsettled, she will then lock her staff out. Then comes the red zone, when she is losing control and doesn't know what to do, she will be all round the school, running from staff, being agitated and aggressive and then having to be held. We just don't know what to do anymore. She is definitely struggling but I don't know why and I feel like a terrible mother because I don't know how to help anymore. We've tried everything. I've gone back through people's and my own posts to gather ideas but I'm at a lost now. Sorry for always bothering. 

  • in reply to ParentingAutism

    The only way to assess if her reaction is biological (lack of nutrients/hormone balancing) is to get a female teen multi and possibly a hormone balancing herbal cocktail and see if it changes over a week or so. My son had a noticeable difference within one week of finding the right balance with a micro-dose multi for men and ashwaganda. But this sort of thing requires a diligence and structured routine. Some don’t require food. 

    bit as a mother I wouldn’t rely on someone else to sort a therapist or hire someone to help my son better communicate. No one will care for any of us the way we can care for our selves. 

  • in reply to JuniperFromGallifrey

    I spoke to the school a bit more yesterday and they said she seemed very sad and stressed. She has been stressed more than usual ever since the weekend and now I realise that she isn't eating our sleeping properly. She hasn't had a proper meal in days and she won't eat when she is stressed. She has been awake since 3am this morning so I'm up keeping an eye on her hoping she'll sleep. So now she's stressed, tired, hungry, thirsty and she's a hormonal teenager so I don't know whether to send her to school later on especially if there's a high chance on her having a bad day. 

  • in reply to ParentingAutism
    ParentingAutism said:
    We have things in place but they have seemed to stop working.

    I think it could be easier for those able to help if we had specifics. 

    For instance, “we’ve got halogens in her bedroom, but there’s fluorescents at the school, so she has light sensitivity glasses but she’s still experiencing frustration with light”. Then someone might be able to ask when the last exams was and suggest other things to look into. 

    These extremes though can be from built up unresolved issues which a qualified therapist could help work through or from something misfiring in the brain or from an assault on the senses or from having to deal with a frustratingly irritating social issues day in and out. Society at its best can be highly unethical. NTs are passive aggressive, can be thoughtless, impulsive, demanding, disrespectful and easily offended. And that’s the good ones. There are library shelves full of the analysis. It’s enough to madden any highly intelligent Autist.

    It does sound like you need someone to call round to yours. A qualified autistic therapist who can detail assess what she is responding to. 

  • UPDATE: Today was one of her worst days I think, she had to be held but she got too aggressive they had no choice but to let go. I got a phone call saying that she has broken a bin, ripped everything off display boards, ripped things off the wall, she also attacked several members of staff with a stick. Many things happened but these were the worst. What can I do. Do I punish her or what. She cant be doing this but then I understand why it happened. Her day just didn't go to plan.

    They also now have a uniform, which they have done, but a new one after changing the name of the school. She has left it in school because she will not wear it. She also looked very pale this morning according to a teacher. She also looked sad. No surprise there. She also hasn't been eating properly. Hasn't had a meal since Saturday. Unless I force feed her, what can I do. She is tired, hungry, hot. What can I do. She just won't help herself. 

  • in reply to JuniperFromGallifrey

    Thanks, I know the school have had someone out all already and I don't know what is happening to make sure things get in place. We don't know how to calm her down. We have things in place but they have seemed to stop working.

  • What is creating this green zone? 

    If the 'Zone' is all about her behaviour, this approach to attempting to understand her is the same as ABA, They don't view autistics as being traumatised by sensory or mental overload or subjected to an authority's lack of discipline and responsibility, but the weight of all consequence and award is up to a child who is experiencing life like a prisoner. Add to this that what is rewarding for a Neurotic/Neuro-Typical individual usually makes an autistic feel violated and unsafe and what is a consequence to a NT can make an autistic happy. 

    If the Zone is something she has no control over (biology/sensory/others/social confusion), and no agency, no understanding how to fix, then it's best to help give her tools and resources to learn how to have agency and keep herself safe. 

    She's responding to something. It could be a lack of proper sleep or a need for a hormone balancing multi-vitamin. It could be a sensory issue which isn't human friendly or it could be classmates. It could be she has an insurmountable back log of unfinished problems (probably one of THE absolute worst things for us) - things which a Neurotic/NT might happily sweep under the rug. 

    Add a struggle with communicating, with finding the language for what they can 'sense or percieve'. Are there small matters of injustice at her school? Double standards? Is there a lack of reasoning with and instead just demanding she do a thing without bothering to explain it in a way that makes sense? She could be experiencing a difficulty with internal and then external communication. https://www.theguardian.com/science/2021/aug/15/the-hidden-sense-shaping-your-wellbeing-interoception 

    If you haven't had a chance, you might find answers here: https://www.instagram.com/thearticulateautistic/

    Or here: https://autistic-village.com/category/inside-aut/ 

    But I would hire an Autistic therapist to come out for a day or two and help make sense of how she's experiencing the world and how it impacts her.