Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there,
I am a single mum who was recently diagnosed with high functioning autism.
My son, who turned 4 at the weekend, is also showing lots of features of high functioning autism. He recently started pre-prep.
School are great and are supporting him with things like visual cues and timetables so he understands what's happening when and he is actually doing brilliantly at settling in. Between myself and the school, we are sorting paperwork for extra support and assessment for ASD. I am a GP which is proving quite helpful.
Seem to be having a big problem with son being overly affectionate. He has always been very cuddly which hasn't been a problem up until now (he never settled at Montessori when he was 2 so ended up stopping going so this is first time really being around lots of others). However, he is constantly hugging and being tactile with the other children in his class and they really don't like it. He has told his teacher and the class room assistant that he loves them and keeps cuddling them.
I keep trying to explain to him that while he can cuddle his family, other people don't necessarily like it and it can upset them. He doesn't seem to be taking it on board. I have mentioned to the school and on the paperwork that I am worried that him being over tactile with others will cause a problem. My mum picked him up from school today and the teacher had said to her that she will be speaking to me again about my son wanting to hug and touch the other children again as it seems to be upsetting them.
I'm not sure how else I can tackle this. He has a tendency to go around knocking down the other kids' building blocks too, again I have tried explaining and demonstrating for years that this is not kind but he doesn't take it in.
Im getting worried that because of his behaviour that he is going to be ostracized very quickly by the other children. He is a very happy little boy but I worry that he could end up in a situation where he ends up isolating himself because of his actions.
This child can't seem to grasp the concept of personal space. I think this child needs to have a few calm conversations and explain to him that everyone has the right to refuse hugs and other touches and that he doesn't need to feel bad about it. My son doesn't have autism, but our nephew with autism sometimes surprises us with his temper and disregard for personal boundaries. However, he isn't affectionate at all but rather rude. My sister took him to [Removed by Mod] and had specialists talk to him there to help him.
Your sister having an autistic child doesn’t mean you’ve taken the time to learn about that child and your comment shows that.
learn the difference between temper tantrums and autistic meltdowns. Try to actually understand this kid. Your comment isn’t helpful and shows you’ve chosen to just see him as a problem rather than learn his differences and very real sensitivities. He isn’t rude, we don’t process what you call tone. We process things literally and we are honest and direct with our words. We can’t read between lines and we don’t understand or use implied meanings. You very clearly don’t understand autism at all and need to educate yourself from the #ActuallyAutistic perspective. Your dismissal of him being rude and angry is extremely harmful and a large aspect of why autistic people live lives full of bullying, abuse and end up with a whole host of emotional and self hating issues into adulthood.
neurotypical is not better, it’s just different. Autism is just as valid it’s just a different neurology but we live lives villianized as you’ve done here because neurotypical folks expect us to change things we very literally cannot. It’s a very simple fix, but it requires neurotypical folks to learn and understand us. His meltdowns aren’t about nothing, you just don’t process things the way he does so you have no idea what is effecting him that way. Please learn and be a better advocate before dispensing advice. Your nephew isn’t bad, you have categorized his struggles as an unexpected choice he made and that’s your ignorance. These are absolutely things you can and should accommodate for.