Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there,
I am a single mum who was recently diagnosed with high functioning autism.
My son, who turned 4 at the weekend, is also showing lots of features of high functioning autism. He recently started pre-prep.
School are great and are supporting him with things like visual cues and timetables so he understands what's happening when and he is actually doing brilliantly at settling in. Between myself and the school, we are sorting paperwork for extra support and assessment for ASD. I am a GP which is proving quite helpful.
Seem to be having a big problem with son being overly affectionate. He has always been very cuddly which hasn't been a problem up until now (he never settled at Montessori when he was 2 so ended up stopping going so this is first time really being around lots of others). However, he is constantly hugging and being tactile with the other children in his class and they really don't like it. He has told his teacher and the class room assistant that he loves them and keeps cuddling them.
I keep trying to explain to him that while he can cuddle his family, other people don't necessarily like it and it can upset them. He doesn't seem to be taking it on board. I have mentioned to the school and on the paperwork that I am worried that him being over tactile with others will cause a problem. My mum picked him up from school today and the teacher had said to her that she will be speaking to me again about my son wanting to hug and touch the other children again as it seems to be upsetting them.
I'm not sure how else I can tackle this. He has a tendency to go around knocking down the other kids' building blocks too, again I have tried explaining and demonstrating for years that this is not kind but he doesn't take it in.
Im getting worried that because of his behaviour that he is going to be ostracized very quickly by the other children. He is a very happy little boy but I worry that he could end up in a situation where he ends up isolating himself because of his actions.
Have you tried a weighted blanket or vest, they are designed to provide a similar pressure to a hug and they could offer him that when he needs a hug. Or maybe a favourite teddy bear. It is so sad we live in a world where we have to teach children we can’t hug everyone, having autism makes children more vulnerable so it’s a tricky balance to teach. it may be worth reminding the nursery that your son has sensory processing disorder relating to his autism and that he can’t help his need for hug and it is out of your control. They should have a Sen qualified person at the nursery who should be suggesting ways they can help not blaming you. And he is probably knocking down the building blocks because he has nothing better to do, they need to come up with a better way of stimulating him at nursery. It could also be that he enjoys getting things wrong (a autistic trait of my brother) sometimes a bit of reverse psychology works. Saying ‘don’t put another block on the tower’ instead of don’t knock the tower down’ can work. Especially if you then knock down the tower they have just spent time building as they feel the frustration and upset. And learn that it wasn’t a kind thing to do. It isn’t uncommon for all children to want to be mean to other children at this age it’s all part of learning how to socialise!