Teen son with autism, adhd, depression and epilepsy

Here's some WILD advice from a mum of a 25 year old young man: Buy him a video gaming system and put zero limits on him playing it. Allow him to check out for the rest of the school year. Give him an excessive amount of time to recover.  School will always be there. Leave food at his door. Help him clean his room until he politely says he'd rather do it himself (ask for bedding once a week and hand him bedding to change, this way he takes part in one increment of movement.) Go for a walk every day at the same time and invite him until he says yes. After he seems a little more healthy, find an exercise he likes - rock climbing, weight training, judo, anything. Just once a week until he desires further. Make sure he has incandescent or halogen lighting in his room. 

Also buy him a multi vitamin, inquire about ashwaganda (Pukka Herbs) with his GP to try something new for the depression and ask about CDB. It sounds to me like he needs a year off to completely re-set his entire system. If he doesn't learn immediately the value of appropriate down-time, the value of a proper time-out, the value of recognising, understanding and obedience to his limits, you could be offering him an early grave and a terrible life. I wasn't told this when I started as a parent, but eventually I learned: Managing to forcibly keep my son in something that was destroying him is similar to forcing him to eat a little something poisonous every day. I'm fairly certain neither of us would do the second. 

After my son's father passed at 20, I was able to help reconstruct him psychologically. Now at 25, his depression is gone. He can recognise when he needs a man-cave for a day to recharge. He's incredibly intelligent and this is the first year he has suddenly expressed excitement and interest in the possibility of a career. He's 180 degrees different. He's gone to Waterstones to buy various self-help books he's interested in and we talk about them. He may go back to school at some point. He just barely made it through High School and Uni but near the bottom of his class. But right now he's thriving - not just barely surviving. He needed a break, a psychological and mental shift and this doesn't happen over night, it takes years of diligence, learning integrity and values, learning how to be human and accept human flaws, learning what my strengths are. But none of this can happen when I'm mentally beyond exhausted or at a breaking point. First I need to heal and that may mean just finding space being / existing  and doing - or even finding small things that I enjoy. 

Thanks for the reply, sorry to hear about your husband. Some great advice there, and I will adopt some of those practices, I feel ill be asking him to come for a walk until I’m 100! Great that your son is now flourishing, my lad is also super talented and I really hope he finds his calling, I’ve just never seen him as depressed as this and I’m concerned for his welfare but do not know what to do next. I think I will just have to leave him alone, I’ve been bringing him food up to his room and just leaving it with him, if I did not do this he would simply not eat 

Thanks - we weren't married long but he was still his father.

One of the things I've found profound in practicing that my grandmother taught me was to find the few things which are important and for everything else: there is absolutely no obligation. So, "you are welcome to come for a walk, but not in the least obligated". Creating inclusion without duty. And doing it with everything whether it's having a conversation or watching a film or sitting at the dinner table.

Relieving kids of obligatory tasks allows them to implement them when they're ready. And to do so authentically. It can facilitate a better connexion. And I've always done whatever is necessary to keep lines of communication open.

The hardest part I've found is making sure I don't accidentally say something in a way that sounds like I'm creating an expectation. It can be so frustrating when the normal use of communication in society contains multiple elements of manipulation. 

Good you're leaving him food and allowing him room to just mend. Another good phrase we say around here is "how can I help". And again, maybe they don't know, maybe they do and don't care to share at the minute. Eventually, they'll say it back :) 

Thanks - we weren't married long but he was still his father.

One of the things I've found profound in practicing that my grandmother taught me was to find the few things which are important and for everything else: there is absolutely no obligation. So, "you are welcome to come for a walk, but not in the least obligated". Creating inclusion without duty. And doing it with everything whether it's having a conversation or watching a film or sitting at the dinner table.

Relieving kids of obligatory tasks allows them to implement them when they're ready. And to do so authentically. It can facilitate a better connexion. And I've always done whatever is necessary to keep lines of communication open.

The hardest part I've found is making sure I don't accidentally say something in a way that sounds like I'm creating an expectation. It can be so frustrating when the normal use of communication in society contains multiple elements of manipulation. 

Good you're leaving him food and allowing him room to just mend. Another good phrase we say around here is "how can I help". And again, maybe they don't know, maybe they do and don't care to share at the minute. Eventually, they'll say it back :)