New here and just need some help and advice i have no one to talk too

Hello , I really don't know were to begin this is new to me and currently feeling lost with everything I have a 22 month old daughter is showing autistic triats to me and others like her health vistor who has referred her to a PED specialist but still waiting and its been 2 months. Me and her father first noticed from roughly 13 months that maybe there could be a problem with her hearing as she didn't respond to her name her hearing is finally getting checked in Oct so we will no for sure if this is the root of the problem or not. 

See my problem is I know deep down that maybe my daughter is autistic she shows alot of signs

Spinning in circles 

Arm flapping 

No eye contact 

Doesn't respond to her name

Can't say any words but used to say baba and dada at 12 months old then stopped a few weeks later 

She rocks head bangs and bites 

Loves hanging upside down 

Plays alone and she has 2 older and 1 younger sibling 

Doesn't play with toys properly just sticks everything in her mouth 

Runs and walks on tip toes even though she can walk fine 

There is probably many more but be here all day, so I don't really know why am here just her dad is very dismissive when I say I think it is more autistic then a hearing problem and doesnt really want me to push for any type of diagnosis as he feels as its labling her however I just feel kinda lost i want to do everything I can to help her learn and grown to the best of her abilities and just feel in limbo with everything and know this can be such a long process and just feel out of my depth I keep questioning myself is it something I have done was it because the cord was wrapped around her neck when born have I not spent enough time teaching her like I did my older 2 as when I had her my mum only passed away that same year and then I accidentally got pregnant again so there is like 13 months between her and her baby sister i just don't know what to think do or feel and I just feel myself wanting to cry all the time as I don't know what to do think or feel anymore but literally just getting up and plodding on as I have 4 kids who need me to look after them. 

Sorry for the essay any help or advice would be nice 

Thanks for taking the time to read 

  • Majority of the time aswell just everything goes in her mouth she constantly walks around eating and biting on toys or any objects she can she tries biting the metal safety gate and even times I have had to stop her licking the walls and doors she just has to explore everything by her mouth 

  • I honestly don't think she has hearing problems either as my daughter is the same if I say chocolate buttons she will come running over fast as her little legs can carry her and to be honest she hasn't really got interests she tends to pick up random toys 1 in each hand and run around with them I have noticed that they always match the toys so it will be 2 balls or 2 pieces of lego or 2 blocks or if she doesn't do this she will go to a certain spot in the room and gather a small group of items together and sit with them inbetween her legs picking each 1 up at a time and like mixing them all together I don't know how to explain it in words really but if I was to go over and sit in front of her to engage in what she is doing she will turn her back to me push me out the way with hands or her feet as if to tell me to go away but then at times she will run up to me when am sitting on the floor and want to sit inbetween my legs playing but still with her back to me she loves tickles and getting chased and hanging her upside down she loves lying on my knees watching TV upside down alot 

  • As a young child I didn’t really play with ‘toys’ either. But I was fascinated by mechanisms. How things moved and worked together. 

    for her a toy is probably not a tool of imagination it’s just a means to a comforting or interesting sensations. Look at the every day objects she interacts with and how she does it. Anything she tries to take apart particularly. These are her real toys.

  • I also was alleged to have hearing issues as a child but my mum was pushy with the health visitor. My mum said ‘if you stood at the other side of the room and said “chocolate “ his head will turn.’ Autistic children aren’t supper impressed with the gift of speech at first because most adults don’t have anything interesting to say.

    what is she obsessed with? Clocks? Toys? Try to interact with her using these items. Talk to her about these items. Language will be worth her time investing in if you show her it pertains to what catches her interest.

  • It is hard to know what to do. I have to be honest, I'm flying by the seat of my pants lol. You just try things and see if they work. As for diagnosis, it is important only in the respect that it will direct you to the right professionals who can help you bring along your girls development. If she is on the spectrum then this is a big step in the right direction. I promise after you talk to paediatrics things will be a lot less chaotic.

  • Thank you for your reply it is good to hear am not the only one who is in this situation it is an extremely overwhelming position to be in and with having no one else to talk to but my partner who clearly doesn't agree with my views or he does and just wont want to admit it i honestly don't know all i do know is its hard to process my concerns and feelings all by myself i just want to do whats best for my daughter in helping her and it makes me feel like such a failure as a mum that I don't have a clue what to do in order to bring her development on also the thought of having all professionals assessing and observing and analysing her at the age of 2 just seems wrong to me shes just me cute little baby still but I know ignoring the situation will do no good i just don't know what good getting a diagnosis will do what will it change? All her little traits she does thats just a part of her the main cornern I have is her lack of speech i too have videos of her saying baba and dada but now all she does is say ah ah ah or like a muttering noises I just don't know what to do for the best and don't know how to feel about everything its a very scary process thinking about the long hard road ahead 

    I appreciate you taking the time to talk and wish you well and luck with the new challenges you may be facing but as you may not already know how strong you already are that am sure you will find a way through 

  • I know exactly how you feel. My son is 3 and was recently diagnosed ASD. I had a traumatic birth and had to have an emergency c-section as the cord was wrapped around his neck. He was also much smaller in weight than estimated at full term and spent a bit of time in the NICU. Around 18 months he was doing all the normal baby stuff, yelling, babbling, started saying dada. I have videos of him doing it. Then shortly after it all stopped. No more talking, babbling, no eye contact. I told my husband at the time that I was worried he might be autistic but he too didn't want to label our son and it became a touchy subject between us. But now at 3 he's been assessed and diagnosed. Where on the spectrum he is, we have no idea yet as it's a touch early. His doctor is going to see him again after his 4th birthday. He doesn't talk, at all. He struggles with eye contact and has just started getting incredibly frustrated and lashing out. It hasn't happened too much yet but it has.

    I know that a lot of the time I feel hopeless. Like I did something wrong, that my body did something wrong. But in all honesty, it serves no one. It doesn't make you feel better and certainly doesn't help your child. I know why we do it. So there is something to blame. We can't accept that it was a random set of cirumstances that gave me the child I have. So now, i'm reading everything I can get my hands on. Seeing his strengths (of which he has many) and working with them. Trying to figure out how to work on the things he's not good at. My son learned how to use a spoon properly last week and it was the best thing i've ever seen.

    Kids on the spectrum (if that's where your daughter is) are all completely different. Just the same as every other kid. All I can say is that we are all in the same boat. If you need anything. A rant, a complain, or to phrase your little girl, do it. Don't ever feel embarassed about this process. It is very overwhelming.