Looking at her

I would add, as a female, it’s important to teach her how to experience respect. If the baby even makes her feel vulnerable, you’re the authority figure dictating if she should be afforded protection. Some laws state women are allowed to be raped by their husbands. This is one extreme  however:

What “laws” will you teach her to expect?  X 

I apologise if this is a trigger for anyone. 

There’s a high possibility it makes her feel unprotected. 

When we speak of children, especially young children, My modus operandi is to “Believe them into what they’re capable of becoming”. And provide the protection and care of a greenhouse for them to Become. Children who feel taken care of won’t need to manipulate or “fawn” to survive. 

All children need to be protected so they don’t feel vulnerable. 

In the wild, Predator studies and stares at Prey. At the zoo, humans stare at caged animals. In the Red light district...? 

Desiring attention from someone you trust is part of connecting. Unwanted attention can make us feel stolen from. Anonymity can be a safe space. Think about how luxurious life would be with money at your disposal and remaining completely out of the public’s attention. 

I would like to chose who I expose myself to. Who I’m vulnerable around. Many of us have to learn how to receive unwanted attention. A safe and small theatre class for children could help her learn to establish tools to deal with this as she grows up. So long as she is not required to perform at the end of it. 

We just try to reassure her really that whoever is looking at her is doing so because they are interested, like her, she's their friend. In the case of the baby we tell her its because she loves her. Hopefully we're doing the right thing? Its always a guessing game when she can't fully tell us why or how she feels.

That's okay! Experiences make us who we are and I'll be happy if mine can help another. How do you normally react to your daughter when she tells people to stop looking at her? I know you said that you move the baby away, but what about others and how do they react?

Hi,

She doesn't explain either, but she is 4. I am hoping that she will as she becomes older

Hi there,

I'm sorry to hear that you experienced difficulties during your childhood. I think the idea of being judged is maybe how she feels, especially if the face staring at her doesn't exhibit any other facial expression.

Thanks for your insight.

well im 17 so i dont have children, but my brother julius(age 11) does the same thing. idk why, he never explains it...

Speaking from my own experiences, throughout my childhood I was ridiculed for my differences. I didn't like people looking at me because I always felt like I was being judged negatively by them as this was a common reaction I received. This would trigger stress and frustration because I was uncomfortable and would feel as though I was being attacked just from being looked at. I also frequently found putting my thoughts and feelings into words to be challenging. I don't remember having these feelings from as young as 4, but I remember them clearly being there from primary school and it was the kids there that caused it. 

Of course, I am merely speculating from what I have experienced and felt myself. It might not be the same for your daughter. There's bound to be a reason behind why she feels this way that she just can't yet articulate.

Thanks got the reply.

I do believe the staring is what makes her feel uncomfortable, both with the baby and the children at school who often 'stare' when she is not behaving in what is the 'neurotypical' way.

Thanks for the reply.

Yes my daughter is very fight or flight and I do believe there is some anxiety there. 

Autistic people often feel overwhelmed by eye-contact. Babies tend to stare fixedly at anything that they find interesting, they are also programmed to find human faces fascinating. This may be the reason why your four-year old finds the baby looking at her unpleasant. Also, adults and older children know what to do when a baby is staring at them, pull faces, use baby-talk etc., at 4 years, your child is probably too young to naturally do these things and consequently is puzzled as to how to respond.

Dunno if this might help - there could be a couple of things going on.

We tend to be highly stressed - overstimulated and fight-or-flight stuck on 100%.       She could be picking up on the 'this person doesn't belong in this environment' so there is anxiety like a prey animal being near to a predator - the 'look' can be perceived as a threat as in most animals.

There's also option 2 - she's four so she's in full-on parent manipulation mode finding new and novel ways to pull your chain and trying to assert control to make the world dance to her tune - which is a course of action that can never be satisfied - new rituals will be added on the fly.

She's too young to have reasoning skills so she might not know what or why she's doing this.

Obviously, I'm just a bloke off the net so you're going to have to work out what's going on and what she's trying to achieve.

Best wishes