Published on 12, July, 2020
Good evening,
Firstly I’d like to say I have no idea if I’m posting in the right place as I have never used this website before and also do not actually use any social networking or anything therefore I have no idea what’s what really when it comes to the rights and wrongs of posting online.
So, as it says my daughter is 8 and she’s started hitting me in anger. She also has kicked holes in the walls and doors of our home. This happens when I even so much as tell her “time to clean your teeth.” Or for example last night she wanted sauce on her rice. I did it for her and with that she threw the plate, kicked the table and ran upstairs where she slammed her door multiple times and threw things around her bedroom. I leave her to it as it makes it worse if I go up there and within sometimes 20 mins or maybe longer like an hour she comes back downstairs normally to show me a picture she’s drawn like nothing has happened.
What I’m asking is does anyone else’s child do this? Is it an autistic or adhd thing?
I feel like I’m alone in how I walk in egg shells ALL of the time. I could say “bath time” and she’s fine but the next day.. “bath time” sends her into a meltdown or tantrum I don’t know which one. She will shout “NO!” then slam her door or throw something.
Today she apparently told another child at school to “F off” and then told the teacher to also “F off!” This is new she doesn’t usually swear at all. I honestly don’t know how to help her but most of all I almost want a bunch of other mums to tell me they also experience this.
Thank - you.
God exactly the same here! I say “can I hug you?” And she may say yes she may say no. And if she says no I tell her that’s fine.
thank you, and you!
My daughter is very touch sensitive also; I have to ask if she wants a cuddle. Sometimes she will say yes, but if not, I ask if she would just like me to sit next to her or hold her hand. I think for my daughter she just needs to know I'm there, and that helps her to calm down. Sometime she just screams at me to get away as well though! Yes, we are finding it very hard atm too. I hope you find some support.
Welcome to this forum
Thank you for replying, I needed to hear that someone else was going through it as horrible as that sounds.
The cuddle thing may work, il have to try it. She hates touch so I’m rarely allowed to hold her or go near her.
That’s why I came on here too I didn’t know what else to do and I suppose just wanted to know others were like it too. My partner and I seem to be so stressed lately it’s just a difficult time for us atm.
Sorry you’re going through similar too. It really is difficult.
Hi.
I am new to the forum also, and have a similar situation with my 8yo daughter. She doesn't hit (very often), but does throw things a lot, and slams doors and screams at her brother. We don't have a diagnosis yet, but it is strongly suspected that she has autism and also possibly PDA.
I am also looking for advice as to how to deal with these behaviours, as we as a family are really struggling.
The only advice I could add would be, for our daughter, she generally tends to behave this was when she is either really anxious about something (at the moment it is moving up a class at school, changing teacher and having to see a 'boy' doctor at our assessment appointment in a couple of weeks) or when she is feeling overwhelmed - this is usually when a situation is too noisy for her. Sometimes I can calm her down with a cuddle before things escalate, and sometimes not.
Sorry I can't be of more help. I completely understand how you are feeling. In fact, feeling so alone and helpless if what has brought me to this site today, so I do hope that you (and I) can get some support from others dealing with similar situations.
I'm not your best source of advice. I am awaiting for an assessment myself and as a child used to shut down more often than melt down and my melt downs are only ever harmful to me. I am a parent, but of an NT child ( now adult). With that, I can't pretend to have any magic insight, but certainly sounds like a PDA profile.
Whatever it is, you need some help fast. That can't go on. What's going to happen when she's physically strong enough to do you some physical damage?
I'd talk to GP and the school and insist you need support from some one with some expertise now.
Thank you for your reply, yes sorry I didn’t add that although she has autism they’re very much looking towards her having PDA. Pathological demand avoidance. She does have terrible behaviour too which I have put down to her ADHD as my ADHD son is the same behaviour wise he just doesn’t have the meltdown obviously. I have one neuro typical child too so I know the bad behaviour can’t be down to mine and my partners parenting just the fact that they have these disorders.
I appreciate you writing to me, I’m at my wits end at the moment that’s all it’s a lot to deal with each day and I fear it’s only MY child that’s like it.
Good Lord! Bless you that's tough.
I'm sure you're aware that the difference between a meltdown and a tantrum is: does it stop if they get what they want or it becomes clear they can't get what they want? If either of those things happen, you're dealing with bad behaviour. If it doesn't stop under either of those circumstances, - basically, she didn't want anything, in the first place and it was never about getting her own way, but some other stressors, it's probably a melt down.
But then 8 is a bit old for tantrums. And you certainly can't go on treading on egg shells or live in fear of being hit by an 8 year old.
It sounds as though someone needs to look at this to see whether it is an autistic meltdown or some other behavioural issue she needs help managing, but someone needs to work with her sooner rather than later for both your sakes.
I'm not an expert but it sounds like reasonable parental requests trigger some of this. Is the section on the NAS site on the demand avoidance profile, anything you recognise?
Welcome to the site btw. I'm sure there are some parents put there who might have seen this before and can advise better than me.