12 year old son depressed and negative

With-a-Y,

If your son is willing to speak to you while he's in bed, let him speak but don't say anything yourself, just give him your ear, don't tell him what to do to help solve his depression, do nothing but give him your ear.

Depression in general, when people interfere before the depressed individual lets everything out it can make things harder because they just want to let it out to express themselves.

Masking is also a problem, masking is the same as denying self-expression, and denial of self-expression is an internal cause of depression, people need to let him express himself.

Exhaustion, stress and anxiety play a role in preventing people to overcome their depression. The masking is exhausting and prevents him doing active activities to increase stimulation because he's exhausted.

A lot of Autistic people become depressed because of the masking, they and I view Autism as part of our identity, by people forcing him to hide his identity is causes thwarted belonging and they come to think to themselves they have no place in this world and are so unwanted. 

If your son's having suicidal thoughts make sure to seek professional help.

Try asking the school if he could take a break from school and do his work at home where he won't be forced to mask, otherwise the school will have to let him be himself and not mask and protect him from any bullying peers.

I hope some of this has helped.

Thank you so much Daniel. You are so right and I needed to be reminded that sitting listening is enough. I keep telling school about the extent of masking , I am not sure they really get it yet as he is so skilled at it.  he is allowed time off by me. Sadly at this time my son is rejecting of this part of himself and I think he is trying to overcome it when he is at school or out socially but he can only manage a few hours then he crashes emotionally. I am trying to support him to accept and see the positive about himself I feel he needs a professional to help with this or a mentor who is autistic perhaps. I will keep going and very much appreciate your time to reply. 

With-a-Y,

I'm Autistic myself and have studied Autism and listened to people all over the spectrum with their various challenges for just over 20 years, you can share my account here with your son of what I've discovered during my research.

As I can see you're doing, make sure he knows Autism is not the tragedy people describe it as and that when I were his age I were struggling emotionally as well, just wanting to express myself.

Point out to him he doesn't have to look at his Autism as a disability, but it's an actual and rare ability because of his alternative perspective of the world and his different way of thinking. Thanks to the vaiation of how Autistic people think it's hypophisised by professionals that 90% of technology was invented by Autistic people.

Some of the most inspirational people throughout history are strongly believed to of being on the Autism Spectrum, with Albert Einstein being one of the most popular examples widely believed to of being Autistic because of his intense focus and radical thinking not being held back by social convention.

One of your son's gifts is he can concentrate and focus at a greater level than his peers, because of the differences in his brain he is more detailed, analytical, logical than others because Autistic people use the left side of the brain more than others, and that's where all the analytical, logical thinking, detail and patterns is done.

Let your son know that I as an Autistic person myself came to know being Autistic is not something to feel ashamed of, it's not something we need to hide but we need to use it. Point out to him there's things he can do that others can't and struggle with and ask him does that mean they're disabled as well. 

With-a-Y said:

He has so much brain power that is being wasted and his world and opportunities seems to be getting smaller and smaller as he is getting older. 

My local AS support group has a belief that if a child has mastered the primary school basics, then it's better to focus on social skills and life skills rather than academics during teenage years. It's always possible to study academic subjects later in life but very little help with social skills and life skills is available after the age of 16. Never treat a child as a machine to acquire GCSEs. Also reject the idea that taking part is more important than winning.

Hi again

When I told my son that he had an Aspergers diagnosis, I showed him this video of Chris Packham, the guy who hosts nature shows. Here's the link:

https://vimeo.com/252876361

It might be worth watching it together for your son to understand that it's not the end of the world, if you haven't watched it already.

My son was about 10 I think when I broke the news to him. He had been diagnosed for a year that time. Also I find mindfulness and alternative therapies such as reiki help him calm down for at least a small amount of time. But DS is still in primary, so I can understand how much more difficult it must be for your son in secondary.

Thank you again. I will keep on delivering these positives to him. Sadly right now he appears he is very stuck, asking me to erase his brain so he does not know he is autistic or to give him an injection to be rid of it.  He is rejecting all the positive messages, strategies and tools (e.g. social stories)  I am introducing. He has become so fixed on his safe place/routine which has become limited to gaming online and watching YouTube seeing these as his only ways to be happy or relax. When I try to introduce something else he is very upset or angry towards me and himself.  He has so much brain power that is being wasted and his world and opportunities seems to be getting smaller and smaller as he is getting older. 

Thank you again. I will keep on delivering these positives to him. Sadly right now he appears he is very stuck, asking me to erase his brain so he does not know he is autistic or to give him an injection to be rid of it.  He is rejecting all the positive messages, strategies and tools (e.g. social stories)  I am introducing. He has become so fixed on his safe place/routine which has become limited to gaming online and watching YouTube seeing these as his only ways to be happy or relax. When I try to introduce something else he is very upset or angry towards me and himself.  He has so much brain power that is being wasted and his world and opportunities seems to be getting smaller and smaller as he is getting older. 

With-a-Y said:

He has so much brain power that is being wasted and his world and opportunities seems to be getting smaller and smaller as he is getting older. 

My local AS support group has a belief that if a child has mastered the primary school basics, then it's better to focus on social skills and life skills rather than academics during teenage years. It's always possible to study academic subjects later in life but very little help with social skills and life skills is available after the age of 16. Never treat a child as a machine to acquire GCSEs. Also reject the idea that taking part is more important than winning.

Hi again

When I told my son that he had an Aspergers diagnosis, I showed him this video of Chris Packham, the guy who hosts nature shows. Here's the link:

https://vimeo.com/252876361

It might be worth watching it together for your son to understand that it's not the end of the world, if you haven't watched it already.

My son was about 10 I think when I broke the news to him. He had been diagnosed for a year that time. Also I find mindfulness and alternative therapies such as reiki help him calm down for at least a small amount of time. But DS is still in primary, so I can understand how much more difficult it must be for your son in secondary.