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12 year old son depressed and negative

With-a-Y

I need some bolstering. I feel very ground down by my sons low mood and his severe negativity, loss of hope.  Every day and especially at bedtime he is so depressed. I find it impossible to bring him any comfort. I have tried thinking about good things that have happened when I know he was happy, but he says thinking of them makes him more upset because they are in the past and he can’t have them back.  He is in bed, safe, with his teddies, soft lights, rain sounds, bubble lamp all the sensory needs are met. I know it’s more awful for him living it, I just feel like a useless bystander. Every night I say goodnight to him knowing he is feeling like this. 

Any advice would be welcomed. Thank you 

Parents

  • With-a-Y,

    If your son is willing to speak to you while he's in bed, let him speak but don't say anything yourself, just give him your ear, don't tell him what to do to help solve his depression, do nothing but give him your ear.

    Depression in general, when people interfere before the depressed individual lets everything out it can make things harder because they just want to let it out to express themselves.

    Masking is also a problem, masking is the same as denying self-expression, and denial of self-expression is an internal cause of depression, people need to let him express himself.

    Exhaustion, stress and anxiety play a role in preventing people to overcome their depression. The masking is exhausting and prevents him doing active activities to increase stimulation because he's exhausted.

    A lot of Autistic people become depressed because of the masking, they and I view Autism as part of our identity, by people forcing him to hide his identity is causes thwarted belonging and they come to think to themselves they have no place in this world and are so unwanted. 

    If your son's having suicidal thoughts make sure to seek professional help.

    Try asking the school if he could take a break from school and do his work at home where he won't be forced to mask, otherwise the school will have to let him be himself and not mask and protect him from any bullying peers.

    I hope some of this has helped.

Reply

  • With-a-Y,

    If your son is willing to speak to you while he's in bed, let him speak but don't say anything yourself, just give him your ear, don't tell him what to do to help solve his depression, do nothing but give him your ear.

    Depression in general, when people interfere before the depressed individual lets everything out it can make things harder because they just want to let it out to express themselves.

    Masking is also a problem, masking is the same as denying self-expression, and denial of self-expression is an internal cause of depression, people need to let him express himself.

    Exhaustion, stress and anxiety play a role in preventing people to overcome their depression. The masking is exhausting and prevents him doing active activities to increase stimulation because he's exhausted.

    A lot of Autistic people become depressed because of the masking, they and I view Autism as part of our identity, by people forcing him to hide his identity is causes thwarted belonging and they come to think to themselves they have no place in this world and are so unwanted. 

    If your son's having suicidal thoughts make sure to seek professional help.

    Try asking the school if he could take a break from school and do his work at home where he won't be forced to mask, otherwise the school will have to let him be himself and not mask and protect him from any bullying peers.

    I hope some of this has helped.

Children
  • in reply to Daniel

    Thank you so much Daniel. You are so right and I needed to be reminded that sitting listening is enough. I keep telling school about the extent of masking , I am not sure they really get it yet as he is so skilled at it.  he is allowed time off by me. Sadly at this time my son is rejecting of this part of himself and I think he is trying to overcome it when he is at school or out socially but he can only manage a few hours then he crashes emotionally. I am trying to support him to accept and see the positive about himself I feel he needs a professional to help with this or a mentor who is autistic perhaps. I will keep going and very much appreciate your time to reply.