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Not eating

ParentingAutism

Hi again, my daughter isn't eating much at all. She says she's not hungry, which I believe to some extent, but she's barely eating. 

It started when she was low, depressed and her mental health took a dip and she was hospitalised for weeks. She wasn't eating anything but a little pack of maltesers every few days. She never used to eat much but it was more than now. She has refused dinner tonight, which was pizza. She only had a bacon roll at break and for lunch: crisps, banana and a chocolate bar which is fine but that's it. That is all she is eating a day. If I cook her a dinner, she will barely touch it and doesn't want desert, which she usually wants. She'll eat the veg on her plate and that's about it, great it's veg. She is a cyclist so she needs the energy for it. School says that she has been starting to eat putty/slime she has and been putting things in her mouth. She's done this a few times in the past but only really chewing a ruler. I've bought chew toys but she's chewed through them and destroyed them.

She is getting head aches and a couple weeks ago she was the same and felling light-headed, dizzy and a little faint... 

What can I do for her to eat a little more? I've looked on the internet and at the advice and guidance but I can't find anything that will help. Has anyone else been in this situation? 

Parents

  • Hiya

    The need for control runs deep - and it looks like she'll try any trick to continually punish you for something by keeping you worrying.      The problem is young girls can often drive themselves into an eating disorder.    

    There is an entire teenage girl culture and many, many websites where they share information about how few calories they can get away with and they egg each other on.       I'm not saying she's active on those sites - but be aware.

    It is for you to judge whether you seek professional intervention if she's totally out of control exhibiting risky behaviour and is now, technically, self-harming.

    Why not go to your gp and explain what is going on for you and that you need help.

  • in reply to Plastic

    I hadn't thought of control as a motive, Plastic,  - it absolutely wasn't for me, there was just no hunger and everything smelt or felt bad.  But yes, it's worth considering if there are other controlling behaviours.

  • in reply to Dawn

    Yes, she is becoming controlling but this issue has gone on longer than a year now, before the controlling started in school. Plastic, with school, I have spoke to her and told her I've had enough and that she needs to go to school site immediately and stay onsite otherwise they'll be some serious consequences... 

Reply Children
  • in reply to Dawn
    Dawn said:
    Has anyone worked with her to help her understand her autism? 

    Her senco is working with her and teaching her about it.The school is very helpful and support me well.  For example, today she refused to get out the car and go into school, so the head teacher, senco and another teacher came up with a plan and got her into school 15/20 minutes later. 

    We have managed to get to the bottom of this behaviour because it's a phase they've seen before. It's when something new, becomes older and boring which causes her to become flat and disengaged, then she starts seeking the intense reaction it gave to her at the start. She is seeking adrenaline by doing things she's not meant to and by jumping gates and leaving site. Now that's boring so she's refusing to come to school. 

    What will happen tomorrow with her? She's in school all day. I fear that she will climb up onto the school roof like other pupils are doing. 

  • in reply to ParentingAutism

    Crickey!  This is complex, isn't it?  Has anyone worked with her to help her understand her autism? 

    I've got a friend who's had a similar set of though times with her lad.  She's tried and failed to get the services to help her.  They're so stretched.  But these things are sometimes beyond what a parent - no matter how excellent and loving a parent - can handle alone and support is needed.

    I'm wondering if you might be able to get some support elsewhere.  Mind have autism services, for instance.  They've referred me to a course designed for adults awaiting diagnosis.  I wonder if they do anything to help kids, or whether they can point you in the right direction.

  • in reply to Dawn

    Some food is due to sensory issues, she is known to self harm and she's low due to school at the moment, or so I believe. CAMHS were involved in the past but not anymore. 

    I don't really know what is different but she's definitely more stressed at her dad's due to having to play with her younger brother (who I believe is on the spectrum) and her sister who doesn't like to play with him. She doesn't talk to her dad when she's there but she would like to without being interrupted by something. She feels like she can't do anything by herself, like play with lego or have some alone time so she goes out on her bike even if she doesn't want to. I also believes she 'masks' how she feels and pretends to be happy so everyone else is. That's all I really know and that her dad is in somewhat denial of the diagnosis and hasn't spoke to her about it. I was the one who had to but he is amazing with her when she had very dark times and when she was arrested and in hospital. I probably shouldn't of told you that but it's the truth. We're in good terms but I don't tell him about school or things anymore since it wasn't helping my daughter. 

  • in reply to ParentingAutism

    Sounds like you need to know whether this is just a sensory issue, in which case it's a question of working with it to make things as palatable as possible, or whether there's some kind of other psychological process at work, be it control, plastic suggests, or some kind of self harm, in which case it's about addressing those issues.

    Does she have anyone from CHAMs working with her, who can advise? Are you on good terms with her dad? Can you work out what's going on differently there?

  • in reply to ParentingAutism

    What about eating non-edible things. She did this when she was younger but I didn't really think about it much. She did start to swallow money and chewed her clothing and did it a few months ago but with a ruler. Now she's putting staples and putty in her mouth but spits them out. She no longer swallows objects, just mainly chewed a ruler.