Not eating

Dawn said:

Has anyone worked with her to help her understand her autism? 

Her senco is working with her and teaching her about it.The school is very helpful and support me well.  For example, today she refused to get out the car and go into school, so the head teacher, senco and another teacher came up with a plan and got her into school 15/20 minutes later. 

We have managed to get to the bottom of this behaviour because it's a phase they've seen before. It's when something new, becomes older and boring which causes her to become flat and disengaged, then she starts seeking the intense reaction it gave to her at the start. She is seeking adrenaline by doing things she's not meant to and by jumping gates and leaving site. Now that's boring so she's refusing to come to school. 

What will happen tomorrow with her? She's in school all day. I fear that she will climb up onto the school roof like other pupils are doing. 

Crickey!  This is complex, isn't it?  Has anyone worked with her to help her understand her autism? 

I've got a friend who's had a similar set of though times with her lad.  She's tried and failed to get the services to help her.  They're so stretched.  But these things are sometimes beyond what a parent - no matter how excellent and loving a parent - can handle alone and support is needed.

I'm wondering if you might be able to get some support elsewhere.  Mind have autism services, for instance.  They've referred me to a course designed for adults awaiting diagnosis.  I wonder if they do anything to help kids, or whether they can point you in the right direction.

Some food is due to sensory issues, she is known to self harm and she's low due to school at the moment, or so I believe. CAMHS were involved in the past but not anymore. 

I don't really know what is different but she's definitely more stressed at her dad's due to having to play with her younger brother (who I believe is on the spectrum) and her sister who doesn't like to play with him. She doesn't talk to her dad when she's there but she would like to without being interrupted by something. She feels like she can't do anything by herself, like play with lego or have some alone time so she goes out on her bike even if she doesn't want to. I also believes she 'masks' how she feels and pretends to be happy so everyone else is. That's all I really know and that her dad is in somewhat denial of the diagnosis and hasn't spoke to her about it. I was the one who had to but he is amazing with her when she had very dark times and when she was arrested and in hospital. I probably shouldn't of told you that but it's the truth. We're in good terms but I don't tell him about school or things anymore since it wasn't helping my daughter. 

Sounds like you need to know whether this is just a sensory issue, in which case it's a question of working with it to make things as palatable as possible, or whether there's some kind of other psychological process at work, be it control, plastic suggests, or some kind of self harm, in which case it's about addressing those issues.

Does she have anyone from CHAMs working with her, who can advise? Are you on good terms with her dad? Can you work out what's going on differently there?

What about eating non-edible things. She did this when she was younger but I didn't really think about it much. She did start to swallow money and chewed her clothing and did it a few months ago but with a ruler. Now she's putting staples and putty in her mouth but spits them out. She no longer swallows objects, just mainly chewed a ruler.  

Yes, she is becoming controlling but this issue has gone on longer than a year now, before the controlling started in school. Plastic, with school, I have spoke to her and told her I've had enough and that she needs to go to school site immediately and stay onsite otherwise they'll be some serious consequences... 

I hadn't thought of control as a motive, Plastic,  - it absolutely wasn't for me, there was just no hunger and everything smelt or felt bad.  But yes, it's worth considering if there are other controlling behaviours.

Hiya, she has never really eaten properly and was in hospital last year for self harm. Luckily, I can see what she does on her phone and doesn't have any social media or access to the internet without our permission. I may speak to the gp but I'll see how it goes in the next few weeks. 

Thanks 

Hiya

The need for control runs deep - and it looks like she'll try any trick to continually punish you for something by keeping you worrying.      The problem is young girls can often drive themselves into an eating disorder.    

There is an entire teenage girl culture and many, many websites where they share information about how few calories they can get away with and they egg each other on.       I'm not saying she's active on those sites - but be aware.

It is for you to judge whether you seek professional intervention if she's totally out of control exhibiting risky behaviour and is now, technically, self-harming.

Why not go to your gp and explain what is going on for you and that you need help.

I think she sits on her favourite bench outside by herself and teachers will bring the food over to her but she has the drink sometimes but not the food even though she's by herself. 

Another problem about dinner is that, she doesn't have any breakfast, has her break, doesn't have the lunch so has it at 2:15 at home when she finishes and has dinner 2 hours later because my other daughter and son are hungry so we have it as a family dinner but she's not hungry so she's barely eating. 

Possibly something about the environment but she chooses to sit there herself and there's only 15 max children in the school. She is always sitting there on that bench. The teachers just leave her to it. 

Sounds like there could be something about the environment which could be putting her off... something around her other than the food - a noise, lighting, a non-food smell?.  Can the school allow her to eat on her own?  How are the teachers approaching the issue?  If they are standing over her monitoring every mouthful, that won't be good.

I know a few things that will stop her eating, for example I found out that she doesn't like people in the classroom when she eats or anyone around her especially teachers, and she doesn't like the food either. She doesn't like bread or potato and other things. She especially doesn't like crunchy things which can draw attention towards her if she's around people. She's not a fan of meat but loves the healthy fruit and veg. 

I forgot to mention that when she goes to her dad's (my ex), she eats everything on her plate, she's done this all the time but they had to if they wanted desert. She has massive meals there, an adult portion but here she doesn't because she snacks throughout the day (which she prefers) but not at her dad's. 

If I give her a big size plate, she will barely touch it. 

Oooh - I so was that kid!  My mother was frantic the whole of my school years about what I wasn't eating.  And no, I was NEVER hungry. 

If she's experiencing something similar to me, from her point of view, I think it's important she doesn't get stressed by the pressure to eat.  I used to dread EVERY meal time; it always meant a parent or a dinner lady breathing down my neck to eat up and eat up quicker, which only ever got me upset and made it more difficult for me to eat and the more repugnant the smells of the food became.

What did work somewhat for me was to be allowed to eat the few healthy foods I could eat over and over - it was a lot of fruit and raw veg for me - couldn't stand the smell of boiled veg and gravy!!!  Still can't! Ugg!

Also, being allowed a lot of time to eat and not being monitored while I ate - to keep nibbling as long as I wanted.

Personally, I'd try to see if she can identify why she does or doesn't like certain thinks.  It might be that she can't eat one sort of thing cooked but can raw (or vice versa), or can if cooked in certain ways; doesn't like it in one colour, but it's OK in another, is there some additive which can be taken out or put in so it's less pungent; are certain things OK separately but disgusting to her if put together - perhaps one vegetable or meat at a time, rather than all on the same plate - that sort of thing.

Also, if my plate was piled too high, I'd always feel it was impossible to get through any of it, but was more inclined to try if it didn't look too challenging.  She can always ask for more, if something does go down well.

I would also talk to your GP.  The pica may be indicative of something missing from the diet and he may be able to advice of supplemental vitamin/energy drinks etc.  He should monitor her weight and development though.  

The good news is we mostly sort ourselves out in the end, finding something well balanced but non-offensive to eat.  My diet improved when we got more world foods on the British market.  I love Italian food, but still can't abide British meat and two veg!  That said, if there is any sign that she starts weight watching or calorie counting, that would need some prompt assistance...