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Not again... Leaving school

ParentingAutism

My 14 y.o has had a bad day in school (which is a PRU) because nothing is going to plan which I can understand. First, she has a new pupil in her class and a few new pupils in the school so she's anxious as she's not familiar with them. Another problem was that the head teacher and her senco wasn't in, which she wasn't expecting so her day got even worse. She doesn't like Project/History because she's doing Space (which she likes) but it wasn't what she was expecting. Then her math teacher went home which she didn't know until the lesson started where she had a substitute (a teacher she knows well and likes) so that was a surprise for her and she was overwhelmed since nothing was working. She also fell out with her tutor, which really messed her up. Therefore overall her day was ruined in her mind and she wasn't in control of any situation so she left school after lunch so I picked her up. (It's also her first day back so it's always anxious going back). 

It's a real worry when she leaves the school site since she doesn't have a phone on her and teachers didn't realise until the next lesson. And where we live, there are lots of weirdos out and it's a horrible world, anything could happen to her (like any other person). I don't know what to do anymore but keep a cool head and be understanding. She doesn't want to go to school for the rest of the week. 

Last month we had similar problems so I emailed the senco and she wrote this back: I wonder why she is thinking like this about not attending when she is doing so well. It is almost like she stops engaging with things when she becomes comfortable with them and they stop providing such an intense reaction in her, almost like she seeks that adrenaline reaction and when that goes she becomes flat and disengaged.

Could this be part of it and being bored in school as well of the things I mentioned above. She wanted to stop going last month and stopped going to lessons, like she did today. We are going round in circles...

I'm sorry for going on. Any opinions/advice is appreciated. Thanks x

  • in reply to mael

    She has a diagnosis and we are waiting for a place in a specialist  School that can meet her needs and keep her until she's 19. We used to think she had a hormonal imbalance in the past. 

  • Have you considered trying to get a placement in a good specialist school if she can get a autism diagnosis , i have found most sencos useless when it comes to autism ,to your face they are all friendly and nice ,but this is generally false . They say what they think you want to hear all comes from a text book. My wife was talking to a doctor from great ormand street hospital about there child going to a good place in herts that has totally changed her from someone acting like your daughter to a happy child .

    Also monthly hormones can really effect some people this age ,just a thought, i have 5 daughters .

  • in reply to ParentingAutism
    ParentingAutism said:
    I agree that my daughter definitely likes the feeling of adrenaline rush. Her attendance is a lot better if things go to plan or if she has a warning before change.

    Does the school not though have or can it not facilitate a 'chill-out' / 'decompression' room that your daughter cam be 'permitted' to use (involving calming time and assignments) when things do not go to plan and she needs time out, so that at very least she gets used to staying at school and is therefore also safer than not so doing?

    Being permitted perhaps to walk off-her stress in the school grounds, around the perimeter of the class-rooms so that teachers see her and they can check that other staff have not been in attendance, or clashes have happened and so on and so fourth ~ might that also be an additional option possibly?

  • in reply to Deepthought

    I agree that my daughter definitely likes the feeling of adrenaline rush. Her attendance is a lot better if things go to plan or if she has a warning before change. 

  • in reply to ParentingAutism
    ParentingAutism said:
    Deepthought said:
    Does the response from your daughter's SENCO make sense in any way to you

    To be honest, not really. I understand it a little bit because it was similar events and triggers and being bored like today, but otherwise it's kind of confusing. I understand changes can upset people especially when there's no warning, like today. 

    I think perhaps you need to educate your daughter's SENCO in that when outside circumstances beyond your daughters control trigger her ~ she is not 'seeking' an adrenaline rush, but 'getting' one ~ whether she likes that 'style' of education and support or not, and if (as it seems and correct me if I wrong) her attendance at school is to a greater extent assured when things go to plan, is it not?

  • in reply to Deepthought
    Deepthought said:
    Does the response from your daughter's SENCO make sense in any way to you

    To be honest, not really. I understand it a little bit because it was similar events and triggers and being bored like today, but otherwise it's kind of confusing. I understand changes can upset people especially when there's no warning, like today. 

  • In that changes in scheduled routines with familiar people for autistic children can cause upset or anger when they are without consultation, discussion or preparation changed ~ the Special Educational Needs Coordinator's (SENCO's) response to your email just does not seem relevant or related, i.e., as if your daughter just upped and left without anything like the above described triggering events having happened!?!

    Does the response from your daughter's SENCO make sense in any way to you?

  • in reply to Desmond79

    We've tried homeschooling before but it doesn't work for her. Her mental health took a big dip last time and she won't be happy doing it again. She is very smart but doesn't work because 'she can't be bothered' 'She's not motivated' or 'she's bored or tired'. She isn't being bullied and she's usually the one out of lesson all day. She isn't a bad naughty student (or any others), she just has her own issues to deal with. Teachers say she's wonderful, bright and cheerful student and a pleasure to teach. 

  • Perhaps it's time to draw a line in the sand, and consider Homeschooling?

    Girls are moody enough, at that age, without Autism added into the equation. Perhaps she feels incarcerated whenever she's in School. I know a few smart cookies around my age who struggled at school, mainly because of the cliques and bullying.