autism, masking and burnout in school

Yes. My 11 years old daughter had the same issue at school.

She is home-educated now and loving it. Her behaviour has improved so much!

She talks about how she experienced masking in her you tube channel 

youtube.com/.../UC8W7N-g8kEAGcRNryT7Ho3g

Thank you so much to both of you for some great sound advice here. Lots of things for me to investigate and I will get started straight away! Thanks so much...

No worries.

I can see the argument about the traumatic environment. When I was at school, I always used to avoid the dining hall because of the noise/crowds, but also because the smell was always overwhelming. As a teacher, I have occasionally had break duties in dining halls which I found particularly tough and now I definitely feel a sense of panic whenever I have to go anywhere near one.

For the remote teaching, that is really tricky, because I can see how it would be a perfect solution, but can also see all the issues with it. Before Covid, I'd never heard of kids being taught remotely via video at any school I'd been at - it was all done by sending work home, or possibly in extreme cases, for students with long term illnesses/injuries, liaising with 1-to-1 tutors to deliver the work the teachers set. Students isolating for Covid has changed things a little - I do know teachers at other schools that have tried "hybrid" teaching with mixed success. 

This will vary greatly for different schools and the quality of their IT systems, but the main issues though are things like placement of camera and mic, which are usually built into the teachers PC (and usually not great quality either!). Since we are usually not able to be at or near the desk during a lesson and will be moving around the room, it means that often the remote students can't hear what is being said, or the mic picks up on other students in the room instead. Same with the positioning of the camera. There are all sorts of privacy issues with having students in the room visible on a camera that is being streamed to the internet and the cameras themselves are almost never in a position to be able to see a whiteboard properly either, so remote students can miss out on quite a lot of the fine detail in a lesson. The image conjured up is of a nice clear video feed of a teacher stood at the front delivering a clear, concise lesson, whereas the reality is often grainy video of a wall from the corner of a room with a distant hard to hear voice explaining a topic.

I wouldn't say it is impossible, but having spoken to people who've done it, it is far, far from ideal and I can see why the school would be reluctant to try. Like I say though, different schools might have had better success with it.

A lot of schools have relied on simply pre-recording sections of lessons for remote students and then maybe having a "clinic" type session at some point where those students can remotely talk to the teacher and ask questions.

Hi StillLearning,

In terms of EHCP, 90 percent of the schools are negative. But the fact that your daughter is a school refuser serves as evidence that there is something wrong and she needs help. Please collect all the evidence which relates to absences and breakdowns impacting education and attendance. Also you will need an educational psychologist's (EP) report to help you ask for the right type of support in the EHCP.

Regarding schools, I agree it's very tough to find a setting that accommodates academically able kids. Most of the schools usually specialise in dyslexia or profound needs. There's this directory which I bought on Amazon which has a list of specialist schools:

Hello again

I am not aware of any state schools for post-16 year olds that cater for students with autism who do not also have Special Educational Needs. Like you daughter mine does not need educational support, she needs emotional and social support. The state Sixth Form College that she started at in September has put excellent support in place for her now that they have received her formal diagnosis. The SENCO has put together something called a One Plan that outlines all her needs and action that is being taken to support them. This has been sent to all of her teachers. She has also been allocated a Learning Support Assistant and a mentor. I feel positive about these measures. It is a darn sight more than the NHS have offered. What you could look for is a mainstream school with an autism hub. Ironically her secondary school did have this but because she wasn't diagnosed as autistic she was not in it and did not benefit from what it offered? Why no one thought that she might be autistic given her behaviour and the fact that this hub and expertise were housed in the school is beyond me. Perhaps your daughter would be better in a separate Sixth Form College where all the students were 16 or over. It is a less frenetic, unruly environment than school. A more mature, adult environment. Other thoughts that I had regarding your daughter continuing to study in mainstream school for her GCSEs is that you could negotiate a reduced timetable so that she does not have to be in school full-time (when schools re-open). This would mean that she would not be penalised for any absences that she may need to have. Once she has covered the syllabus you could also negotiate that she revises at home. I forgot to say that my daughter had a special exam arrangement too where she could sit exams in a smaller room, or alone. She was also able to prepare herself by seeing the room and the seating plan before the exam. A teacher would meet her in the car park before each exam and support her with entering each exam. 

I am investigating an EHCP for her too but again she does not struggle academically. She does have problems with her mental health that have come from having to deal with the NT world. I have been told that if we are prepared to go to appeal we may get it. My main reason for trying to get the ECHP is that it stays in place up until the age of 25 so it would be good for her to have this for her post A-level study, which she is keen to do. 

Best wishes

Hi @Dan thank you so much for taking the time to give me this reply. Having the perspective of somebody who is both autistic and a teacher is really interesting and helpful and gives me a lot of food for thought. The measures you have suggested are all already in place, but they really just don't seem to help her overcome her phobic anxiety around school at all. She had to do this for many years without any support (as we didn't realise what was happening) so I wonder if perhaps it's just so traumatic and engrained that she might never be able to cope in that environment and I should be seeking a different one moving forwards.

The school have very clearly said there is "no option" to teach one girl remotely when the rest are back in school, but I can't help wondering....they must have to do that sometimes, surely? For a child in hospital, a child at home who has broken their leg, or(as my daughter pointed out) a child who is having to isolate during Covid? I think I need to be brave and insist that we consider it further even though they have told me it's impossible. Oh and when I say child, I keep having to remind myself that she is not one any more! I should, of course, have said young woman. Thank you again for your advice and sharing your perspective.

Sorry FSCR and @Nikki I tagged the wrong person in my reply there! Still getting used to the format, but I am really grateful to both of you for replying and for your advice. Thanks for taking the time! :-)

Hi FSCRthank you so much for this advice. We are looking at a parental application for EHCP right now. The school believes we will struggle because she is not falling behind academically, but the advice I have been given is to try and augment that by emphasizing the health side of it. Like you, I am fast coming to the conclusion that a mainstream school just isn't equipped to meet her needs - or rather to be able to adapt the environment to meet her needs. It's so hard isn't it? I do hope you are successful in searching for the right setting for your son. If you can achieve that for him now I can promise you that you will potentially save him years of heartbreak later on. May I ask one more question? How did you go about looking for a suitable school? Obviously I research online but I find that a lot of the results that come up are from independent schools because of course they're sponsoring their search results. nd I fear we wouldn't be able to stretch to that financially. Did you find any registers or resources that helped you to know where to start? Thank you again.

Hi StillLearning, I completely empathise with your situation. I have a primary school son who attends mainstream and hates attending school. He loves being at home. At school he works very hard to be normal and works above the expected standards. So he doesn't get much help. Thankfully, we were advised by a psychiatrist friend to apply for an ehcp and look for a specialist school. We have just begun the process and are in the hunt for a suitable school.  My son struggles with the strain of putting up with sensory overload, social interactions , emotional regulation, transitions and has difficulty interpreting people. This is pretty much the case with most ASD kids, but they mask in public. Mainstream schools do not understand ASD, especially if child is bright. They will not get much support. I think a specialist setting would be better for your daughter, given the difficulties. But the only problem is without an EHCP entry into most specialist schools is impossible unless you are ready to shell out eye watering levels of money in fees.  Given that she's refusing school, I would say push for SEN support and apply for an EHCP.  Look to IPSEA for EHCP advice. They are very good. Also email the NAS team for advice.  They are good too.

Hope things work out for your daughter. Good luck! xx

Hello and welcome

I can relate to what you write almost exactly. My 17 year-old daughter has recently been diagnosed with autism. The only difference being that when she was at school, she is now at Sixth Form College, she did have friends. However she did struggle with them as she always felt 'different' and that they did not understand her. She was, and they probably didn't, although they were all socially awkward and introverted. Her school was supportive of her struggles despite her not having a diagnosis. She did display anxiety and OCD. We worked closely with the Family Support Team to get her the support that she needed but we did also have to go to extraordinary lengths to keep her in school and make it as bearable as possible. What did help her was the following:

We built up a close relationships with her teachers so that they understood the problems that she had.

She dropped a subject so that she did not have quite so much pressure and could have a free period during the day

She was excused Assembly, Form, Sports Day etc. All of which she found too busy, noisy and unruly

She has a 'green card' which meant that she could show it to a teacher any time that she needed to get out of class for a minute. She never did use it but knowing that she had it was helpful.

She was able to 'seek refuge' in the Family Learning Space anytime that she needed to be away from the general hubbub of the school environment, which exhausted her and made her extremely anxious.

When she was having particular difficulties in coping with the school environment we drove her backwards and forwards throughout the day so that she could come home for lunch and when she had a free period. This was only possible because we lived quite close and are both self-employed.

We have also been looking at books, blogs and other material by The Girl with the Curly Hair (Alis Rowe) and Siena Castellon to try to understand what it is to be a young woman with autism.

I hope some of this is helpful.

Hi there.

I'm loath to give too much advice as everyone is different and my experience may be very different to other peoples, but as a recently diagnosed autistic teacher in a secondary school, I guess I have some experiences that might help. Because of Covid, I've had to move around the school instead of being based in my normal classroom and this has been quite the learning experience.

My main takeaway has been just how chaotic it can be. Mine is a very large school (2500+ students), so I have found the act of moving around the school all day every day particularly draining. The crowds are not only noisy, but visually quite intense, not to mention the close proximity and... unique... smells you find in a building full of teenagers. I've also noticed the odd ways that different classrooms can affect me - for example, I've found some of the bright, complex wall displays some teachers have put up to be incredibly distracting. My eyes are continuously drawn to them and I'm much more tired after an hour in those classrooms than I am elsewhere and that isn't something I've ever considered before. Some departments also just smell odd (I'm looking at you Science and Technology) and for me that is very distracting. An hour in those rooms can be a real test of stamina while concentrating on delivering a lesson.

Not having a consistent base to retreat to (as my classroom is often in use by other staff) has also been tricky. I hadn't realised how much I valued being able to find a quiet space in school for even short amounts of time to refresh my batteries. 

This is on top of the usual annoyances you find in any school - harsh fluorescent lighting, being in close proximity to loud, distracting people, the whine of air-conditioning, the tapping of pens, the screech of chair on floor... Over the course of the day, it can all add up.

In terms of what you and the school can do? Passes to leave lessons 5 minutes early to avoid the crowds can help. The ability to take 5 minutes out in the middle of lessons to decompress if things get too intense are also pretty common. Having a designated room or quiet space that is available at break and lunchtimes is also relatively easy to set up in most schools (although trickier with Covid). Being able to pick a spot to sit in a classroom - for me it was always a back corner, for others it is at the front to avoid seeing the movement of the other students. There are probably more that might come to me as I think about it more.

I am not sure how much that helps! As I say, your daughters experiences and sensitivities could be very different to mine.