Overwhelmed

YOU can decide yourself if you can see she is not getting on in her current school. Yes it helps to have support from professionals, but you know your child better than anyone and don't be afraid to push that. Even a different state school with a different ethos and smaller class sizes may be better for her and you could decide that yourself. You only need a 'professional' to back you up if you want a 'paid for' specialist school. So yes go for that aswell if you think it's appropriate The OT report will be invaluable

Thanks again for your reply. We’re waiting for an OT assessment and also have arranged an intervention and communication team appointment with the school as have discovered it’s only one of these professionals who can decide if an alternative school is more appropriate. I guess it’s just a waiting game for now and obviously trying to remove as much stress as possible.

I feel for you, I really do. My son left school in year 8 and has been home schooled ever since, but only because I couldn't get the right support at the time to move him to a more suitable school environment. I would certainly try this first if you can. I would think it may be better for both of you if she can retain a routine of going out to school. Have a look at smaller class sizes, and schools that understand autism. Also have you had an occupational therapist assess her sensory profile?

Even getting her in the garden is a challenge. I’m ecstatic if we manage a family walk or she gets some daylight

Thank you for your responses and it feels good just to connect. I tried the not going in if she didn’t want to and also giving her more choice about time in nov/dec but it became more stressful as she then wanted to go in at lunch time but would spend another 2 hrs trying to get ready later in the day too with it all being too overwhelming for her. By the time we got to school she only had 30 minutes before home time. The whole day began to feel difficult then. I decided we couldn’t go through that again and considered homeschooling or maybe mainstream isn’t suitable. Since homeschool beginning of jan she still refuses to engage in any learning and even doing any art. She started back at school this week and first few day were great but I see the reluctance again. I’m sure it’s a problem a lot of parents face about what education is best for their individual child. It’s the constant negotiations and resistance  

Also, have an exit strategy. Let her know (if you're going out for a walk for example) where you are going, how long it will take and that if she feels bad she can just come home. Walking her through what you're planning to do mentally, before you do it, will help her know what to expect so it's not so overwhelming for her

Pressure is possibly the key word here. I found that changing my expectations and taking the pressure off my son to do things that need to be done in the timeframe that most would do them, is a game changer. Once I started reassuring him that he could take his time doing things in his own way that helped him feel safe and calm, and that if he was late for school it didn't matter, or that if he didn't want to go it didn't matter, made a huge difference for the better. Control is a big issue when feeling overwhelmed. So once my son felt more in control, he was able to get on with things quicker and calmer. Maybe speak to the school and explain so that they know you may be late some days. That also takes the pressure off you, because your daughter maybe picking up on your stress (if you are stressed about it) too. It can be so overwhelming being a parent. But you are not alone, and things will get better. You can do it