Managing aggression - help!

Hello legomum

Yes, social stories are a type of 'social script' - another example would be 'comic strip conversations'.  Anything scripted is very limited because although people with autism can learn the social rules exemplified in the scripts, they haven't got the capacity to apply what they've learned in a situation that is ever-changing and dynamic (which makes them feel even more of a failure - they know the rules but are instantly thrown when they cant apply them...no good for promoting competence and developing resilience)

All social conversations are dynamic in nature, roughly following a pattern (my turn, your turn) but for which a script isnt possible (people are too unpredictable for scripts).

The National Attention Deficit Disorder Information and Support Service (ADDISS) has the franchise for 1-2-3 Magic training in the UK and they run parent courses from time to time

http://www.addiss.co.uk/

Might go to it myself at some point - we often have to visit re-limit setting in our house. 

Zoe

Thanks for your replies.

I have looked at your blog Zoe and it is really interesting. I read that you don't think 'social scripts' work. Are these the same as social stories? These have been recommended to us in the past by speech therapists but we've had mixed results with them. I've ordered the 123 Magic as it seems straightforward to apply and the no talk, no emotion approach will be ideal. We can use it with all 3 children too so it will help with the problem of 'fairness'. Also its very easy to read and humourous!

I am keeping a diary at the moment to try and work out if there are any particular patterns or triggers to the outbursts. Also I will definitely try the phonebook idea!

It may be difficult to define just by triggers. The metaphor "the straw that broke the camel's back" comes to mind here - as the causes may be complex, the trigger just that one causal factor too much.

I wonder if it would be easier to try to extricate the various causal factors and see if anything can be done to alleviate some of these. Shame or embarrassment about past behaviour or very strong negative feelings and negative reinforcement may be in there somewhere. Complex misunderstandings that wouldn't necessarily happen to a neurotypical 10 year old, may be created by an autistic spectrum ten year old looking for explanation by going over and over misunderstandings. There may be subtle bullying that is not readily obvious including other kids playing on his fears.

I emphasise I'm trying to suggest something from my own perceptions so if NAS has any insight perhaps they could comment here

Hi there

I know how you feel. My nearly 10 yo has very frequent, violent meltdowns which include him trying to strangle anyone within his reach when he has them.

Firstly it's important to try to find out what triggers him, this can be almost anything, from foods to lighting to something somebody's said etc, keep a diary for a couple of weeks. When you know the triggers you can put distraction techniques in place to try to  avoid the full on meltdown. We find a great one for releasing the anger in a safe way is to rip out a couple of pages in an old phone directory or say 20 pages in a catalogue (there is a certain well known high street shop!!). This really works for us. If our son is in full blown meltdown then the only way that works for us is to get him into a safe place, usually his room and let him get the anger out and just leave him to it, I usually have to stand outside the door for my own safety until he's calm. The windows etc are locked as he tries to climb out otherwise.  Afterwards we have a hug and work through what set him off.

Sorry for the long post and good luck. 

There are other posts on challenging behaviour - you might find some help there.  I recommend the book 'The Explosive Child' by Ross Greene.  His collaborative problem solving approach is great - but you might need something else in the first instance to get limit-setting more firmly in place.

Have a look at the book '1,2,3 Magic' (its on Amazon).  We successfully implemented this approach with our son who was very similar to your description of your son except he wasnt physically violent but extremely verbally challenging.

You might also want to look at how you can help him to emotionally regulate himself.  Usually when a 'meltdown' occurs its because a child has been confronted with a challenge that he cant handle because he lacks the thinking competencies to handle it.  You can also help your child to develop these thinking competencies. More about this on my blog http://notnigellanotjamie.blogspot.com

Zoe