School Problems

Hi my name is aly and I have an 11 year old aspie girl.  Well after yet another meeting with the school senco I found out that no they don't believe she is severe enough to meet with the educational phycologist.  By p4 she was already being badly bullied,  she has since been in counselling and been self harming.  I then come to find out that a girl who was suspected to have mild dislexia was given an appointment.  I now feel like just because she is intelligent she is being ignored.  Sorry just needed to let it out.  Just need her out of that school.

puffin said:

Hello again,

Firstly you didn't sound cheesy, you sound like a loving mum doing what is best for her child.  I hope your meeting went well, bringing your mum along sounded like a good idea.  I am not very confident and do have to push myself for my son , did you see my mail in the introducing yourself section recently?  Geai my son had an upsetting day yesterday and i struggle what to do for the best at times.

With regards school drop offs in Nursery the Nursery teacher settled him in P1 it was me.  HIS nursery teacher was lovely calm always smiling, not his P1 teacher shouted alot at class not much of a smiler, and Geai needs that reassuring smile to know what someone is thinking.   At present he travels on a school bus (only 5 OTHER CHILDREN) , but when i was going in with him last year he came with me in the car and he knew i was there to help the teacher not him (in theory), i was really only there for him!  we would meet each other about the school whilst i helped or made a display in the hall, and he would give me such a huge smile his teacher said she noticed him relaxing a bit when i was there.  i always brought him in if he asked maybe twice a week for about five months!  then slowly i reduced my time there saying the teacher had no jobs for me.  Now at present, he has not asked me to go to the school for the last 3 months, it used to take him along time 2-3 weeks to settle again after a holiday or absence, what i started doing was before he went back to school i invited friends around for play dates one at a time, only the two or three he really feels comfortable with and that really seemed to help the transistion back to school 

i wonder if Emylee is getting IBS (irritable bowel syndrome, tummy pains) due to the stress, i get that sometimes.

Hope all went well at the meeting is it a big school? how many in her class, my son has a mixed class P12&3.

take care

Theresa 

Hi Again,

There is around 25 children in Emylees class. The meeting wasnt great to be honest. They have finally decided to do an individual timetable for her and she will be able to bring it home so we can go through it before school. Her teacher also agreed to daily updates of how Emylee was but neither has been done yet. The SENCo said Emylee will get extra support without a statement as a statement cost the government too much! Its around £25000 during a childs school career. I think thats an awful thing to say, my family all work and pay taxes so why should she not get what is needed?! I have never seen or been told about any extra help she receives. Yesterday Emylee had 4 different teachers, is it just me or is that not right?

I did read your message and I get the same most days. Im actually getting extreme headaches all day due to worrying about how her days going. I think it doesnt help that they dont inform me during or even after about any problems. That is awful that they were allowed to play with the sledges in the snow! How dangerous. My daughters school didnt allow them to play outside as it was so cold and dangerous. I can only imagine how upset he was, I know Emylee would be distraught if she was told of particularly by someone she didnt know. You should approach the mother and tell her that your son has a condition and in future you would like her to either try to talk to your son or to you. That is another reason I tell everyone about Emylee as I wouldnt want somebody to upset her. 

Sorry for the delay in response and I hope things have been getting easier. 

Take care

Nicola

Hello again,

Firstly you didn't sound cheesy, you sound like a loving mum doing what is best for her child.  I hope your meeting went well, bringing your mum along sounded like a good idea.  I am not very confident and do have to push myself for my son , did you see my mail in the introducing yourself section recently?  Geai my son had an upsetting day yesterday and i struggle what to do for the best at times.

With regards school drop offs in Nursery the Nursery teacher settled him in P1 it was me.  HIS nursery teacher was lovely calm always smiling, not his P1 teacher shouted alot at class not much of a smiler, and Geai needs that reassuring smile to know what someone is thinking.   At present he travels on a school bus (only 5 OTHER CHILDREN) , but when i was going in with him last year he came with me in the car and he knew i was there to help the teacher not him (in theory), i was really only there for him!  we would meet each other about the school whilst i helped or made a display in the hall, and he would give me such a huge smile his teacher said she noticed him relaxing a bit when i was there.  i always brought him in if he asked maybe twice a week for about five months!  then slowly i reduced my time there saying the teacher had no jobs for me.  Now at present, he has not asked me to go to the school for the last 3 months, it used to take him along time 2-3 weeks to settle again after a holiday or absence, what i started doing was before he went back to school i invited friends around for play dates one at a time, only the two or three he really feels comfortable with and that really seemed to help the transistion back to school 

i wonder if Emylee is getting IBS (irritable bowel syndrome, tummy pains) due to the stress, i get that sometimes.

Hope all went well at the meeting is it a big school? how many in her class, my son has a mixed class P12&3.

take care

Theresa 

puffin said:

Hello again,

How are things with Emylee?  I did not mention the other day when my son was struggling to settle into P1 i started to do a little bit of volunteering at his school as some days he did not want to go orwas nervous on gym days and if i could arrange to be around photocopying for the teachers or arranging displays he was a bit less anxious.  his is a very small school in the highlands 30 pupils so was easier for me to arrange to help out and i did some playground duty ( alterior motives as he was being bullied), but all that happened at playtime was he would sit by me and not interact with others at all!  because the school does not have a larger number of pupils they are not entitled to a playground assistant so i am told.  i have sorted the bullying ( i hope) and dispite a new teacher he is going to school ok at the moment, swimming starts soon though that always causes problems!  i do not go to his school at all now he has stopped asking me to go in, so i have held back as i am pleased he feels he can go it alone at the minute.     One of the teaching assistants runs a lego club for my son and a few others which gives him a nice small group setting to talk and play, they also do circle time and role plays once a week covering emotions and friendships.   i have started taking him to a martial arts class *** SOOL, for various reasons, more friendships a boost of confidence and of course to defend himself against future possible bullies!   but he loves it, great excercise!  He does not talk much if at all in the class but feels part of a team.  when asked to do something by the instructor he used to just give a big nod as a yes now he actually says out a loud "yes" !  it sounds pathetic but the day he spoke out loud in class i was so pleased, small though it was it was an improvement and it told me he was settling in  Have you read Tony Attwoods book a guide to Aspergers for parents and professionals it is very good, my husband refuses to read it says people are all different and all have diferent disabilities why label our son with one.   i do understand where he is coming from i see children at my sons school who are not good at gym, or bullies some kids quite rude and not polite, i can look at them at think i am so glad my son is not like that ,why do they not get official labels?!  but if our childrens disabilities could stop them from fitting in and being confident in social situations and be more anxious at times we have to teach them and give them that confidence, let them know to a certain degree that everyone has disabilities, i need glasses! isn't that a disability? , it is at times!  i guess we have to concentrate on the good things as hard as it is at times, our children have many positive attributes and we have to nurture those and help them be less anxious about what thay might lack compared with the average person!

good luck.

Hi

Emylee seems to be suffering from anxiety tummy pains now (which was a problem I dealt with as a child and sometimes still do) Yesterday I received a call saying Emy was complaining of stomach pains so I went and collected her. The pains seemed to stop after she got home and she made a point of telling me she couldn't go back to school. I had a quick word with her teacher this morning and she said Emylee went to her first group and came back crying and so she stayed with her the rest of the time and was fine till I collected her. The whole school are having a 60's week and it means the lesson timetables are different and they have different groups learning and doing different 60's activities. This all sounds great fun but for a child who HATES changes of routines and having different teachers this is absolute hell!!! Why do they not think about this? Emylee has a problem understanding the past and as much as this week should help her she doesnt seem to understand what 'the 60's' actually means, shes just going along with it. I have asked 3 times for a meeting with her teacher and SENCo and finally been told after school today can meet them tomorrow morning before school. I'm taking my mum with me as I am not a very convident or pushy person and need someone to support me and do the pushing for me (I know I need to learn to do it myself)

I have stayed with Emylee on the first day back after school holidays a few times and it seems to make her worse unfortunatley, she wants me to do it all the time and never wants me to leave. I would love to try and make it a more routine arrangement but I have 2 younger daughters and I also think Emylee would want to be by my side the whole time. How awful for you all that he was bullied, its every parents worse nightmare but it must be so nice that hes's confident enough to go it alone now. You obviously found a great way of helping him and how great to hear him get over an issue of speaking in front of a class. Emylee finds it hard to say 'she' when talking about a female, she always says 'he', I feel so proud when she says it correctly  Little things can mean such alot.

Thank you for the book recommendation, I and my sister have been looking for good books (my nephew has aspergers) so that one will be a good investment. I do agree with your husband that everyone has disabilities so why should our children get labeled but in another any I feel so relieved that I can say 'Emylee is not being rude by commenting about you but not talking to you, she hasnt got that function in her brain' or 'Emylee isnt trying to be naughty in this busy enviroment, her brain struggles to work with all the distractions'. To be honest I dont have a problem with Emylee she just needs me to think about how I talk to her, its other people who cannot take the time to understand her I dont like. If I had the choice I would never take Emylees condition away it makes her Emylee and I love her for all her little ways good and bad. I feel that autistic children need parents to treat them how good parents should treat any child. I dont do anything differently for Emylee as I do for Izabella (3) or will for Bethenie (8m) they all need patience but set boundries. I thank Emylee for making me the parent I am today. Sorry if I sound really cheesy lol. 

Thank you so much for replying it has really helped me having other mums to talk to and listening to others experiances. I hope all is well with your son (sorry you havent mentioned his name). Can I ask you how you used to do school drop offs? did you settle him in or did the teacher? was you staying most mornings?

Take care 

Hello again,

How are things with Emylee?  I did not mention the other day when my son was struggling to settle into P1 i started to do a little bit of volunteering at his school as some days he did not want to go orwas nervous on gym days and if i could arrange to be around photocopying for the teachers or arranging displays he was a bit less anxious.  his is a very small school in the highlands 30 pupils so was easier for me to arrange to help out and i did some playground duty ( alterior motives as he was being bullied), but all that happened at playtime was he would sit by me and not interact with others at all!  because the school does not have a larger number of pupils they are not entitled to a playground assistant so i am told.  i have sorted the bullying ( i hope) and dispite a new teacher he is going to school ok at the moment, swimming starts soon though that always causes problems!  i do not go to his school at all now he has stopped asking me to go in, so i have held back as i am pleased he feels he can go it alone at the minute.     One of the teaching assistants runs a lego club for my son and a few others which gives him a nice small group setting to talk and play, they also do circle time and role plays once a week covering emotions and friendships.   i have started taking him to a martial arts class *** SOOL, for various reasons, more friendships a boost of confidence and of course to defend himself against future possible bullies!   but he loves it, great excercise!  He does not talk much if at all in the class but feels part of a team.  when asked to do something by the instructor he used to just give a big nod as a yes now he actually says out a loud "yes" !  it sounds pathetic but the day he spoke out loud in class i was so pleased, small though it was it was an improvement and it told me he was settling in  Have you read Tony Attwoods book a guide to Aspergers for parents and professionals it is very good, my husband refuses to read it says people are all different and all have diferent disabilities why label our son with one.   i do understand where he is coming from i see children at my sons school who are not good at gym, or bullies some kids quite rude and not polite, i can look at them at think i am so glad my son is not like that ,why do they not get official labels?!  but if our childrens disabilities could stop them from fitting in and being confident in social situations and be more anxious at times we have to teach them and give them that confidence, let them know to a certain degree that everyone has disabilities, i need glasses! isn't that a disability? , it is at times!  i guess we have to concentrate on the good things as hard as it is at times, our children have many positive attributes and we have to nurture those and help them be less anxious about what thay might lack compared with the average person!

good luck.

NAS11866 said:

Is there an ASD team in your area? You can ask the SENCo if they can become involved and give the staff ideas about how to help Emilee.

Your post which says the teacher hasn't much experience of ASD came after mine. She really does need some kind of training and the ASD team (if there is one) should be able to to do that.

You can apply for a Statement yourself if you think it will help. Get yourself a copy of the Special Educational Needs Code of Practice (which is available free) and look at the IPSEA website which has lots of information and model letters to help you to apply for Statutory Assessment.

Thank you for your advice.

Im quite sure there is a ASD team local and I am currently trying to arrange a meeting at the school so will advise them to get in touch with them. I wasnt aware that a parent could apply for a statement so I will look that up. I am not too concerned about getting her a statement just as long as shes happy and understood a little more. This morning we had tears and shouting about not wanting to go school and when we did get there she didnt want to settle in. Nobody helped or tried to reasure her, like most mornings it was left to me. 

Can I ask you how you find school drop off?

NAS11866 said:

There is a massive change in expectation between Reception and Year 1, and when the teacher says she isn't worried, I expect she means there are several children who are also finding the change hard and experience tells her that as the year goes on most of them will get used to the new way of working. The teacher will almost certainly be making adaptations to her lessons for the children who are not doing quite so well and she is trying to reassure you.

It is good that she has spoken to the SENCo about your daughter. Have you had any meeting with the SENCo? You could ask for an appointment just to talk through your concerns.

 

 

I have spoke to the early learners SENCo and she just says all children find it hard and she will get used to it. Things are getting worse and I would expect an improvement if not just the same. 

Thank you for your reply

crystal12 said:

hi - I think you need to get a statement for Emily.  I've no experience of children with autism being educated in mainstream because my son went to autism-specific schools.  However, I do have a lot of experience when it comes to a person with autism not getting the understanding + support that they need + the problems that can result from that, which occurred after my son left school.  That's why I think you need a statement.  Hopefully it will go some way to make up the deficiencies (as I see them) with the present school she's at.  I understand your justifiable concerns.

Thank you Very much. It's nice to know there's other mums that agree with me. Understanding is the most important thing I think. I hope things are and will continue to improve for your son.

Take care

Thank you for your reply.

When Emylee was removed from class it was due to her being so tired and stressedfrom weeks of christmas preparations she just couldn't take anymore. Emylee isn't over keen on her teacher, she has a 'link' with her because she has no one else I think. I don't feel she's the right teacher for Emylee as she not got a very good memory (which she admits herself) and she has never had experience with ASD also she doesn't comunicatate with me which I find extremely frustrating! Emy hardly discusses school with us (not many kids do) but on the few occasions she has its been due to something bad happening and she just crys and gives random words. We know when her days been hard as she doesn't sleep till v late or/and night frights. Emylee has started making excuses not to go school lately, I think previously she's carried on because of routine but since all the Christmas problems she's not been happy. 

How do they get away with unsupervised playtimes? Particularly with a ASD child present? I have asked many times how emylee is at playtime and they don't answer. A few mums have told me their child has told them they played with emylee but these children she has known since 2 years old at Pre-school. Maybe you could ask other mums to ask their child? 

Things seem to be getting worse and I'm even contemplating moving her school. Fingers crossed another meeting involving headteachers may work. Hope things are improving for you and your son and he gets his diagnosis soon. 

Take care and thanks again

hi - I think you need to get a statement for Emily.  I've no experience of children with autism being educated in mainstream because my son went to autism-specific schools.  However, I do have a lot of experience when it comes to a person with autism not getting the understanding + support that they need + the problems that can result from that, which occurred after my son left school.  That's why I think you need a statement.  Hopefully it will go some way to make up the deficiencies (as I see them) with the present school she's at.  I understand your justifiable concerns.

Hi there,

My son is in a similar predicament suspected of ASD age 6 he really struggled with new routines when he went up into P1, he gets stressed in new routines but does not cause enough bother to need a statement or class assistant.  Did the have to put her in a dark room for a few hours ?!  Could they not have just had her watch the rehearsals and given her a role of costume keeper or something on the sidelines with less pressure but still part ofthe play? or could she really not cope with any more?  My son finally settled into P1 two months before he was due to go up into P2!!  I get a bit concerned about his playtimes as the school playground is unsupervised and he is so naive.  I am sure your little girl will settle it will just take a bit longer and alot of understanding from teachers, does she like her class teacher?  DO YOU?  Does your daughter talk about the school day albeit briefly?  is se happy there?  If you are getting her to go to school without a problem that says alot.

Dont feel bad about contacting the school regularly to check on her progress maybe once a week, that way you can deal with any problems that may arise quickly before they escalate, and it will reassure you all is well.

Take care

remember no one will look out for your little girl more than you and you know her better than anyone.