Secondary school advice needed

Hello everyone!

My son is in year 5 now and we will have to apply for secondary school places this October.  He has high functioning autism and is academically able.  However, he has severe anxiety and maybe PDA (not diagnosed) and he finds the social interactions in school very stressful. He has various sensory issues and struggles with certain noises, odours and tastes. He masks well at school but comes home and behaves very badly; lashes out at us in anger, avoids self care and doesn't want to do homework. But he is very creative, humorous, a voracious reader and generally intelligent.  He doesn't have an EHCP because the school feels he's very able, well behaved and there is no evidence of an issue.

My son's inability to cope in a social environment, makes him awkward and very prone to bullying. Also he finds it hard to deal with strict teachers and feels terribly anxious about being shouted at.

Given his ability, he needs to be in an academic environment is what I feel.  He could well get into a grammar school, if he prepared well.  He is a good learner and deserves to go to university.

Many friends have advised me that he needs to go to a private school with a small class size. Given his talent I don't want him to be deprived of a high quality education, but at the same time I want him to be in  a school where they understand his condition and provide appropriate support.  His current state school simply cannot understand his issues.

The NAS has listed a few schools with a specialist unit. If your child attends any of these schools especially Salesian in Chertsey, Surrey, please can you let me know your experience.

Also any advice on either private or state schools would be highly appreciated. I am ready to move if we find the right school. Right now based in greater london borough - east of london, but can move to surrey and nearby areas.

Thanks so much!

  • Hi Nikki

    I have come out the other end.  My son really struggled in year 5. Settled a bit year 6 but flew  at high school.  I was so worried about high school as at the time he was not diagnosed.  The high school put on a summer school so he got used to the building while quiet.  He literally had not more support than that but loved high school as more rigid in the learning than primary school.  He also used to hold it in at school and explode at home or hide under his bed all evening but once at high school this stopped.  Dont worry it may not be as bad as you expect.  Bullying was not a problem as my boy is big and once they pushed him too far he exploded and they did not go near him again.  He was oblivious before that thankfully.  He is now in college and now has a friend or 2 which hie has never had before.  He has not had them round but talks on the x box loudly to them.  He is happy now and very loud.  It rang bells when I saw your boy was in year 5, the worst year ever for me and Samuel.  Hope everything goes well.  

    Mel

  • Hi Sparrow, thanks so much for sharing your story!  It really helps to know how others are coping with similar problems. I do hope you get the school of your choice. Good luck !

    Thanks again!

    xx

  • Thanks so much for this encouraging advice TBC!  I feel much better to know what options are available.

    Very grateful for your advice!

    xx

  • Jo, thank you so much for all the valuable advice! I am currently going through private OT assessments and recommendations. I do hope things work out. Really worried about secondary.

    Thanks so much once again!

    xx

  • Hi Nikki

    Your son sounds very similar to mine, he is currently in year 6.

    I am currently going through the assessment process for an EHCP, after going to a tribunal because the county refused to assess. School have been very supportive but never applied for an EHCP because he coped with the support he has.

    He suffers with anxiety a lot and masks all days at school. He has often not eaten all day or been hurt and not said anything to anyone so when I mention things to his teacher they are shocked and confused as he's been 'happy' and 'fine' all day. He gets very distressed and upset when home and sometimes takes a day or two to tell me what had upset him. Schools think he is coping which can be very frustrating. 

    I would apply yourself, luckily I had the school on my side so they helped with his applications etc.

    I applied for a secondary school place for him but this was turned down, I have appealed the decision and should have an outcome by the end of next week.

    Xx

  • Hello!

    I worked in SEND in secondary schools as a manager for ten years.  To reiterate what has been said above, get the EHCP.  Many of my students who struggled so much at secondary were very similar to your son - just about coping with primary but then spiralling very badly at secondary due to the increased sensory and social demands. Apply for the EHCP yourself but you must include as much detail as possible if the school is unsupportive - when you think you have enough evidence, double it. There is a significant risk that the LA will issue the EHCP and then try and strong arm you into a mainstream placement - do not accept this and threaten to take them to tribunal. You have the right to request a private placement if it is best suited to your son’s needs. 90% of the time the LA will concede and back down rather than go to tribunal. Ultimately, you should not be forced to pay to have your son’s needs met because his school can’t be bothered to support you in the EHCP process and the LA would rather not spend the money.  I feel very strongly that parents with the capacity to force LAs to fulfil their statutory duty should do so - without these parents fighting the good fight, the system will never get better. 

  • Hi Nikki

    I would advise you get on with EHC Needs assessment during the next few months.  try to get an appointment with school SENCo before the end of term to and explain why you think this is needed.

    My son is similar, bright and model pupil but highly anxious - he had no diagnosis at Primary School but I'd had him referred to rule autism out - he finally got diagnosed late in year 7 - he is in Year 9 now.  He is a bright boy but has struggled with secondary school from the start of Year 7.  He reckons most kids get 'secondary fever' when they start with symptoms of acting cool, showing off, swearing and general rule breaking.  It is much harder to get an EHCP in secondary school - we had to wait until school had tried to support him and show it wasn't working.  He soon developed excessive hand washing as he felt school wasn't clean and kids didn't wash their hands and ruminating thoughts ie OCD.  He was scoring above average in academic subjects in year 7 but now below average and on a reduced timetable - he would mask at school and come home and melt down as soon as he came home.  He has been bullied and won't travel on the school bus now - he has been on a reduced timetable since December.  I started the EHC Needs process at the start of November - a final plan was issued in May - but I need to appeal on placement - so not through it yet.

    I would suggest you start to gather and create evidence:

    • gather relevant paperwork: school reports, hospital reports etc and make a file with everything in one place - if you have facilities to scan and save each document to PDFs is a good idea or keep copies of original paperwork.
    • keep a diary (I just did this on a word document and kept a daily entry
    • if you can afford to get private assessments done (I had SALT and OT ones done about £600 each) make sure they specialise in autism
    • You can use video footage or record as evidence
    • I photo shot text messages my son sent me on a daily basis
    • Any meetings at school write up minutes and email attendees for any amendments - it is proof of what has been done or plans and reviews
    • If your son does any extra curricular eg music lessons - get the tutor or group leader to write something

    Also if you haven't already you can get DLA (Disability Living Allowance) for him which can help with costs.

    Good luck

    Jo

  • That's wonderful news indeed!! Really glad that you got the EHCP, especially with the COVID lockdown.  I hope you get into the school of your choice. 

  • Hey Nikki

    My daughters EHCP came through this morning, and she's been awarded one. We are so so happy and relieved there are so many more options available to her now. 

    We have looked at a local specialist school that specialises in high functioning autism. We met with the amazing head teacher who said my daughter meets their criteria, however the decision is with our LA they say which school best fits, specialist or mainstream, so fingers crossed. 

    I wonder whether my daughters school tried to put me off so they didn't have to bother with the paper work. I hope not, but it makes you wonder. The day they laughed at me and told me she didn't have a high enough level of need for an EHCP made me more determined. It is a long long process, and extremely stressful BUT don't let that or anyone telling you he wont get one put you off.

    As your son has a diagnosis of autism he automatically qualifies for an assessment.

  •  

    NAS50338, I'm so grateful to you for sharing your daughter's experience! It's heartening to hear that your daughter's EHCP assessment has come through. I feel hopeful now Slight smile 

    Have you been able to find a suitable secondary school? The only stumbling block for my son to get into a specialist school is not having an EHCP. 

    Good luck with the EHCP! I hope it comes through soon! Thanks so much!!  xx 

  • Hi Nikki

    Your son sounds exactly the same as my daughter, she is also in year 5. 

    I have applied for an EHCP myself, without schools support. In fact the laughed at me and told me she wouldn't get accepted for assessment. They said she doesnt have a high enough level of need an assessment and at school she is fine. How discriminatory is that?!! I applied myself, completeing all the forms with only family and google for help. Much to my relief she did get accepted for assessment and we are now at the final stages of the process. So I advise you to still apply, let school know you are applying, and any help from them will be appreciated but don't let them stop you or put you off.

    My daughter will not cope in mainstream secondary school even though she is academically able. She has chronic anxiety, no self-esteem, low mood and negative and intrusive thoughts about life. 

    As a Aspie girl, and a masker my daughter is misunderstood and missed. I fear she will not get the support she needs to help her fulfil her potential. 

    X