My son, is now 15, and has always appeared to be a sensitive child from when he was born, and I could see that he struggled somewhat with everyday life.
I won't go into a life story, but I will go from 4 years ago when things with my son changed fairly dramatically. He began refusing to attend school in Dec 2015, 2 months into his 2nd year at middle school, and by May 2016 he had stopped attending school altogether. He has not set foot in school or entertained the idea of education since. In the initial stages it was an avoidance of school, but by the end of 2016 he had stopped attending his Karate sessions and social gatherings (parties etc) with his friends from school whom I had managed to keep him in contact with. We had a Primary Mental Health Worker involved and then a CAF referral followed by a TAC by the end of 2016, this was all withdrawn in Feb 2017 due to my son refusing to engage with anyone other than close family and a few close friends. Fast forward to now and things are an amplified version of the previous 2 - 3 years. He will not access the community independently, he will only venture out with myself, his brother and any close family members in regular contact in tow. He will not engage with anyone other than close family etc, the last professional he engaged with (but only with his older brother, 16, and I with him) was a clinical psychologist for a modified ASD assessment in 2018. It took 6 months to encourage my son to engage and one word (the mention of school) for him to ask the Clinical Psychologist to leave our house and effectively end the assessment, and subsequently for my son to race upstairs in anger/frustration and kick a hole in his bedroom wall. He has also developed, over the last year and a half a number of obsessive behaviours, and his sleep pattern has deteriorated to the point where he doesn't settle until the early hours of the morning and then awake the next day between 1 - 3 pm. He also has quite a restricted food intake, and it is difficult to encourage him to take part in any physical activity with him preferring to remain in his room. He has sensory difficulties, dyslexia and Irlens and the Clinical Psychologist did not diagnose ASD (in the modified assessment), but instead said he has a complex combination of difficulties, although I still feel he has ASD. He has dyslexia, irlens, anxiety (social/GAD?), sensory difficulties, and OCD (behaviours around contamination).
In 2017 he was referred to tier 3 CAMHS and due to not engaging with the service was subsequently referred for the ASD assessment and discharged. Following the ASD assessment the Clinical Psychologist re-referred him to CAMHS in 2018, and again due to non-engagement was discharged in early 2019. Through his EHCP (where all assessments were completed via the information I gave about Liam, as he would not engage), I secured access to an Educational Psychologist who worked with me on a parent led CBT programme - The Overcoming Programme by Cathy Cresswell - for 8 weeks, whereby I was able to use a couple of the CBT techniques with my son (not reassuring, and problem solving) although my son is exceeding good at shutting me down or avoiding conversation so I have found it quite difficult to use these techniques. We also had an Inclusion Facilitator who came to our house once a week for 7 months, but in which time my son again refused to engage and remained in his room. This was also the case with the Occupational Therapist on her monthly visits, and the Local Authority Tutor. All of these people were involved over a period of the last 2 years and not all together (spaced apart with a break of a month or so in-between if that makes sense?). All this has now been withdrawn and a referral was made to CAMHS again which was initially rejected, but has now been accepted and he is on the waiting list again. I'm not entirely sure this is the kind of help he/we need though?
As far as my son is concerned he is fine and nothing is wrong, if and when I try to talk to him about his behaviours etc, and I try to find ways to address this indirectly, he will either say he doesn't behave in that way, or changes the subject, or shuts me down and sends me away, or asks me to stop talking in psychobabble (thoughts, feelings etc). He is very demanding and controlling in that he tries his utmost to control his environment and the people within it i.e. myself and his brother, and he is constantly checking and re-checking things, changing his clothing up to 4 times a day, showering or bathing up to 2 times a day etc. His older brother is finding it increasingly difficult, as my son is now encroaching upon him and demanding that he and his friends allow him to join them on the Xbox to play, which they are doing, but my son isn't understanding that his older brother also wants time with his friends alone, and in turn it is causing friction. The 2 friends that my son still has contact with is limited - he messages them but 9 times out of 10 it is not reciprocated and the only time he sees them now a days is if I am able to arrange for them to come over to hang out usually once during the school holidays (as they have other mates/peer groups, school, and activities they attend).
I simply wish to help my son to understand himself, to be able to manage his thoughts, feelings, fears, and to access the community independently, but I am not sure how I will be able to achieve this if a) he feels nothing is wrong, and b) if he refuses to engage with anyone.
Any shared experiences, help, advice, or a nudge in the right direction would be very much appreciated x
