Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
Our 11 year old daughter is ASD and has an anxiety disorder. She hasn't been to school for months. We are in the process of trying to get her an EHPC to go to a special school which can provide for her needs. She's very bright. Our main problem is that she resists doing anything she doesn't want to do to the point that she won't leave her room. Getting her to eat is a problem since she's been on sertraline which has helped her anxiety but taken her appetite away. I've tried getting her to leave her room to eat but she'll literally not eat or drink all day so I end up taking food to her in her room facilitating her not leaving it but I feel like a bad parent if she's hungry and thirsty. She won't tidy her room but freaks out if I try to. She generally shouts at us every time we go in there. She locked herself in the bathroom for 7 hours the other day because we said she had to take a screen break. She's obviously unhappy but we also feel she manipulates us. We don't know where to turn or what strategies to try any more.
I thought I would check in and ask how everythings going?
I could relate to your post. I too have a daughter who is reluctant to come out of her room. My daughter, who is nearly 10 hasn't officially been diagnosed with ASD but school and doctor have highlighted her many autistic types of behaviour. We were in the process of a referral but this is taking forever. She also suffers from high anxiety too and gets very territorial as soon as i enter her room. At times she is aggressive towards both me and her sister as soon as we enter.
I also feel like a failed parent and i work with learners with learning difficulties in a college. Since the lockdown i have worked from home and my children haven't gone to school so her issues have become far worse. She does not like going outside and has become reliant on her television and ipad playing games. One day it took me 1 1/2 to persuade her to go for a walk!
I have to say that her school did not show much support during the lockdow. The lockdown has had a detrimental affect on us all but has particularly affected children who have high anxiety.
My daughter is also very bright and able when it comes to maths, science and reading but really struggles with social communication. The room situation is probably to do with the fact that they see it as a safe place to be and it has become their little haven since the coronavirus. My daughter does come out of her room for short periods and i am in the process trying to encourage her to spend more time out of her bedroom. I make sure i knock before i enter and i try to tidy a tiny little area at a time. She too also likes to eat in her bedroom but i am trying to encourage her to eat in the living room, even if its for a few minutes. Her lack of appetite might not just be to do with the medicine, as i know my daughter eats a considerably less than she usually does and she doesn't take any medication. I have been trying to give her the food she likes and a smaller portions. She is rather a fussy eater and rather thin so i do worry about her. Recently, her appetite has improved but that might be due to the fact that everything is starting to return to the new normal! The diet thing is also a control mechanism as well.
I am going to discuss these matters with the SENCO once she returns to school.
Don't be harsh on yourself, I am sure the situation will improve in the future once routines are established again.
Take care.
I stopped getting notifications so didn't see your post. I hope things are better now? My daughter got her EHCP and into a special school which she also refused after a while. She's just started having a tutor come to us 2 days a week who was a teacher at the school she knows so things have improved and I she's happier but still spends almost all her time in her room.