Need some advice on exclusion within setting

Hi all.  I have two young girls going through the diagnosis process, but everyone who's seen my three year old (who this post is about) so far agrees that she is quite severely autistic (no speech, won't eat solids, behaviour problems etc etc).

 

She has attended a private nursery for a few hours a week for the last year.  They've been great with her, and she enjoys going.  She is due to move up to their pre-school section after Christmas.  I wanted to apply for her to be 'statemented' recently, but was advised to wait until she'd been in pre-school a while, even though I have visited several schools and have found 'the one'!

 

Her keyworker approached me today, and said that the nursery are doing their annual nativity play soon, in a local church, and what do I want to do about my daughter, as they think the dark echoey environment would upset her, and she wouldn't sit still.  I totally agree with this.  At first I offered to escort her, then after a bit more talking I suggested that she could simply swap her day at nursery, thus avoiding the nativity altogether.  Her keyworker said "OK, thank you".  I then spoke to another nursery worker, briefly, who said again that they thought it would be best for her if she wasn't there.  Again, I agreed.

When I got home though, I started to feel quite cross.  The key worker made out at first that they were doing her a favour, but then by saying thank you surely she thought we were doing the nursery a favour?!  Am I wrong in thinking that a)she is being excluded from an event that other children are attending, and that b)surely this would reinforce my initial feeling that she should not be attending a mainstream environment?  Am I also being a bit oversensitive about the fact the staff have obviously been discussing 'the problem'? 

  • Thanks all.

     

    I can understand their point of view, but my daughter is a member of the nursery like all the other children.  Goodness knows how many of my eldest's performances I have sat through where there is a child crying, either in the audience or on the stage.  I don't understand why she can't attend the rehearsals, see how she goes, although I know she probably wouldn't enjoy it.  I am probably being a bit oversensitive, but feel the workers saw her as a problem that would ruin it for everyone else.  If that's the case, maybe she should attend a setting where she can take part, if she wants, in the same things the other children do.  Schools and settings aren't just about a child's education - I just got the feeling that the adults couldn't be bothered with the possibilty of having to take her out.

     

    I'm not going to make an issue of it with the nursery themselves, as I can see it from their point of view, but yes, it was hurtful, and the more I think about it the more cross I get lol.  Will definitely bring it up when I apply for a statement in the new year - I won't let anyone put me off this time!

     

    The last time I saw their consultant he said that I will have to fight for my girls.  Looks like he was right.  Just didn't expect it to be so soon!

  • The thing I always suggested to parents teachers etc is What is best for the child? I cetainly know that whenever we had a performance we included every child - but we also knew that at least one would not be there for the final performances. We got round that by videoing a performance which included everyone and then played that as a background and prompt for the audience so everybody was represented even at the final performances.

    Are they talking about performances or audience. Surely if it is a performed thing you could take your daughter to the performance and if she gets distressed you could take her out.

    If you think it is best for her then I would also be thankful that you have got staff that are talking about her. I found many times that no matter what 'method' you tried to convey the message someone always took away was a negative one.

    good luck Paulz

  • hi - this must have been hurtful to you.  They should apologise.  I think it illustrates  that mainstream may not be the right environment for your daughter.  Staff have obviously been discussing things + then you were approached.  Staff have to discuss things but it's the outcome, the thought process, that's the trouble.  Saying that, there seem to be some good primary schools about so I don't want to tar everyone with the same brush.  It's where you think your daughter would be best placed that counts.    My son was diagnosed before he was 3, a statement then followed + he went to a school for children with autism.  When he was little all diagnosed/statemented children went to this school, as far as I can tell. The process just began + continued through till he was allocated his place at school.  Very small classes, high staff ratio with staff who understood autism.  They always had their Christmas play + every child had a part.  He enjoyed school.  He said his 1st words at that school.  He wouldn't have coped in mainstream, even with an assistant.  If I were you, I'd go with my instincts.  Children + adults with asd need staff who are well trained + understanding in the condition.  They also need the "right" environment.  Put the 2 together + progress will be made.  That's my opinion, learnt thru experience (good + bad).  good luck + bw