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Books and Reading

Muckworm

Hi People -

I had a major meltdown today (earlier) - am more or less ok now. It was caused by my Mum (again) making assumptions about me and thinking she was helping when she wasn't. She says she understands my autism but I know she doesn't because of some of the things she does - like today - inviting me round for lunch and I get there and there's other people there I don't know very well and because I didn't know, I lost it. She thinks she's helping in trying to find me friends, but surprising me like that doesn't help and then we fall out which makes me sad.

 

So my point - does anyone know of any books or reading I can get for her other than the stuff NAS produce which she has, to help her understand me better and things that help and don't help? My specific diagnosis is High Functioning Autism.

Thanks.

  • I have had this problem with my Mum - not quite as bad as in your example, Muckworm, but early on, and still on the odd occasion, she did, and will do, things that really irritate me because although I know she's trying to be helpful she's actually being the exact opposite.

    But, I guess that's what Mums do.

    Anyway, when I can, I try to explain what it was that she is doing wrong, and why it is wrong.

    Which is not always easy.

    Oh, and I found that after she read Tony Attwoods Complete Guide To Asperger's book, and after we'd been to see him talk in Lincoln, she did, and does, fewer and fewer such things.

    One thing I always try to remember in these situations is that she is trying to help, and I am always grateful for that, but also that it is almost as hard for her to understand me, and my needs, as it is for me to understand neurotypicals (I say 'almost' because we're coming to the realisation that she, if not actually 'on the spectrum' in a diagnostic sense, certainly has lots of the traits (which probably doesn't actually help)).

  • hi Muckworm.  MrsP is right.  Your mum needs to understand you better.  She seems to know at least some of the theory already.  Like a lot of people she has problems putting what she's read into practice some of the time.  This is because she makes assumptions about you from her perspective and not yours.  So you need to bring her up to speed, as MrsP says.  It might be hard going for you but as long as your mum is willing to listen or to read what you've written then it will help.  It can be difficult for NTs to bear everything in mind all the time in relation to autism, especially if they have lots of other things to think about as well.  It must have been awful for you to go to lunch and have a melt down which would have been avoidable if the situation had been more in line with what you were expecting.  She needs to think a bit more deeply about how autism affects you.   bw

  • That sounds awful :( not just for you but also for your mum who is seems is only trying to help but actually making it worse.

    there are lots of books out there but to be honest your mum probably has a good grasp of 'typical autism' but its YOU she needs to understand better, not what someone has wrote :)

    with that in mind would you be able to write your mum a letter? Explaining what it's like to be you - tell her your worries and your likes - you might find that your giving your mum the information you both need :)

    good luck!