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Dealing with obsessions

Stitch

Hi, my son Is 11 and has always had intense obsessions, when he is “on” a particular topic it is all consuming and very distracting for him. He is due to start high school in a few weeks and I am really worried about how obsessive he is with Pokemon at the minute. He knows every one of them and will talk about them constantly, he doesn’t go anywhere without his fact book and favourite cards and doesn’t really understand when others aren’t interested in the information. 

This particular obsession seems to be taking a lot of his focus at the minute and it’s like he has zoned out a lot of the time because he is thinking about it all the time. How do you deal with obsessive behaviour? My husband thinks we should take the cards etc away or at least limit them so that he has to do other things. We do try this and explain that it’s not a punishment but even when he doesn’t have them with him he will still act out battles in his head and talk about it constantly. 

Any advice on handling obsessions in a way which supports him but also encourages him to switch off from it would be greatly appreciated 

thanks 

Parents

  • Hi,

    I'm no expert in parenting autistic children but I was once an autistic child, and I think that anything you do that tries to "enforce" the behaviour you'd like to see risks resulting in quite a lot of distress, so I'd caution against it. From what you've said I think you already know this.

    Even as an adult, and I don't think this applies only to autistic adults, I find that deciding to stop focussing on one thing and instead focus on another really has to come "from within" - but nudges and incentives from outside can help encourage this (though it can take a long time).

    The key might be to somehow link what you want him to focus on with what he loves; for example, if you want him to focus on science homework, ask him which of the Pokemons would be good at science & how they might approach his particular bit of homework?

    I could easily be talking absolute rubbish, but I know for instance that my childhood obsession with radios propelled me through a career as an engineer; his obsessions might do likewise if channelled (though in my case I channelled myself and wouldn't have taken kindly to anyone trying to "steer" me!).

    You know your son of course, but I'd suggest that everyone will be happier if you can avoid having to be proscriptive. If he can stomach it, of course you could see if he will agree to the logic of setting aside time for various things (appealing to logic might be a good way "in").

  • in reply to I'm done with Christmas Cards

    Hi 

    You guys have given some really insightful comments here. I wonder if you have any advice for me please. My son gets very obsessed with other children but in a negative way (never in a positive way??) And is very focused on fairness and an eye for an eye. As parents we've tried to teach him against this, tried reasoning it out and tried to 'enforce' the correct behaviours but this just seems to have the reverse affect and he transfixes on his 'revenge' even more. He doesn't often carry our what he's verbalised to the extent he verbalised it (thank goodness!) but as parents we are deeply worried about it in case he ever does! When all is good in his world he's lovely :-( but his perception is that many children have done things 'on purpose' when they really haven't! Any advice??? 

Reply
  • in reply to I'm done with Christmas Cards

    Hi 

    You guys have given some really insightful comments here. I wonder if you have any advice for me please. My son gets very obsessed with other children but in a negative way (never in a positive way??) And is very focused on fairness and an eye for an eye. As parents we've tried to teach him against this, tried reasoning it out and tried to 'enforce' the correct behaviours but this just seems to have the reverse affect and he transfixes on his 'revenge' even more. He doesn't often carry our what he's verbalised to the extent he verbalised it (thank goodness!) but as parents we are deeply worried about it in case he ever does! When all is good in his world he's lovely :-( but his perception is that many children have done things 'on purpose' when they really haven't! Any advice??? 

Children
  • in reply to NAS63497
    NAS63497 said:
    I wonder if you have any advice for me please. My son gets very obsessed with other children but in a negative way (never in a positive way??) And is very focused on fairness and an eye for an eye.

    I cannot of course be sure whether you are just using the phrase "Eye for an eye; tooth and for tooth" in part as a turn of phrase, but it can be explained and reasoned from the standpoint of exchanging an "I for an I and a wisdom for a wisdom" ~ involving the moral and ethical importance of using the compassionate self of love; as develops through true wisdom as obviously being the true self ~  instead of using the judgemental self of hate; as develops from false wisdom as obviously being by contrast the false self.

  • in reply to I'm done with Christmas Cards

    Thank you, both me and my husband adopt the avoid the person altogether to avoid any unpredictable conflict but I don't think that's something you can teach it's just something he'll have to learn iThumbsupt :-( A lot of it is just offloading in his safe place and to people who he trusts, testing the ground I suppose to see what our reaction would be if he did do certain things however he often geThumbsupreally cross with us if it's not the answer he wants to hear. I sometimes make light of it, giving examples of when an eye for and eye is wrong to try and distract him from his focus, sometimes that works and makes him laugh but sometimes it makes him even more mad! Thanks for your help it really is appreciated

  • in reply to NAS63497

    If he's anything like me (and that's far from certain but let's imagine!) then he's unlikely to carry out any kind of revenge that he's imagined. Only age has brought me the understanding that I can't control other people's behaviours and that often they haven't even thought of something the way I have, and there was no "intent" in what they did. Or at least, it's less stress for me if I imagine that no-one was "out to get me".

    I may have occasionally imagined revenge (can't think of examples though), but would never say anything because of my fear that this will lead to more unpredictable and unmanageable interaction and stress.