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Dealing with obsessions

Stitch

Hi, my son Is 11 and has always had intense obsessions, when he is “on” a particular topic it is all consuming and very distracting for him. He is due to start high school in a few weeks and I am really worried about how obsessive he is with Pokemon at the minute. He knows every one of them and will talk about them constantly, he doesn’t go anywhere without his fact book and favourite cards and doesn’t really understand when others aren’t interested in the information. 

This particular obsession seems to be taking a lot of his focus at the minute and it’s like he has zoned out a lot of the time because he is thinking about it all the time. How do you deal with obsessive behaviour? My husband thinks we should take the cards etc away or at least limit them so that he has to do other things. We do try this and explain that it’s not a punishment but even when he doesn’t have them with him he will still act out battles in his head and talk about it constantly. 

Any advice on handling obsessions in a way which supports him but also encourages him to switch off from it would be greatly appreciated 

thanks 

Parents

  • Hi,

    I'm no expert in parenting autistic children but I was once an autistic child, and I think that anything you do that tries to "enforce" the behaviour you'd like to see risks resulting in quite a lot of distress, so I'd caution against it. From what you've said I think you already know this.

    Even as an adult, and I don't think this applies only to autistic adults, I find that deciding to stop focussing on one thing and instead focus on another really has to come "from within" - but nudges and incentives from outside can help encourage this (though it can take a long time).

    The key might be to somehow link what you want him to focus on with what he loves; for example, if you want him to focus on science homework, ask him which of the Pokemons would be good at science & how they might approach his particular bit of homework?

    I could easily be talking absolute rubbish, but I know for instance that my childhood obsession with radios propelled me through a career as an engineer; his obsessions might do likewise if channelled (though in my case I channelled myself and wouldn't have taken kindly to anyone trying to "steer" me!).

    You know your son of course, but I'd suggest that everyone will be happier if you can avoid having to be proscriptive. If he can stomach it, of course you could see if he will agree to the logic of setting aside time for various things (appealing to logic might be a good way "in").

Reply

  • Hi,

    I'm no expert in parenting autistic children but I was once an autistic child, and I think that anything you do that tries to "enforce" the behaviour you'd like to see risks resulting in quite a lot of distress, so I'd caution against it. From what you've said I think you already know this.

    Even as an adult, and I don't think this applies only to autistic adults, I find that deciding to stop focussing on one thing and instead focus on another really has to come "from within" - but nudges and incentives from outside can help encourage this (though it can take a long time).

    The key might be to somehow link what you want him to focus on with what he loves; for example, if you want him to focus on science homework, ask him which of the Pokemons would be good at science & how they might approach his particular bit of homework?

    I could easily be talking absolute rubbish, but I know for instance that my childhood obsession with radios propelled me through a career as an engineer; his obsessions might do likewise if channelled (though in my case I channelled myself and wouldn't have taken kindly to anyone trying to "steer" me!).

    You know your son of course, but I'd suggest that everyone will be happier if you can avoid having to be proscriptive. If he can stomach it, of course you could see if he will agree to the logic of setting aside time for various things (appealing to logic might be a good way "in").

Children
  • in reply to I'm done with Christmas Cards

    Think of the pros...there will be many other children going to high school who are interested in Pokemon (a LOT of adults are too!) and it's an ice breaker for your son. Those children not interested won't be but those who are they will have an instant connection to build friendships on. I understand your worry though as kids can be cruel and we just want to protect our babies :-(

  • in reply to I'm done with Christmas Cards

    Hi 

    You guys have given some really insightful comments here. I wonder if you have any advice for me please. My son gets very obsessed with other children but in a negative way (never in a positive way??) And is very focused on fairness and an eye for an eye. As parents we've tried to teach him against this, tried reasoning it out and tried to 'enforce' the correct behaviours but this just seems to have the reverse affect and he transfixes on his 'revenge' even more. He doesn't often carry our what he's verbalised to the extent he verbalised it (thank goodness!) but as parents we are deeply worried about it in case he ever does! When all is good in his world he's lovely :-( but his perception is that many children have done things 'on purpose' when they really haven't! Any advice??? 

  • in reply to I'm done with Christmas Cards

    I agree with this ^^^

    Try to find ways to stretch his interest into other things - physics & science are great to get him to explain how all their powers could work in reality - and he might see how other things can be interesting too.

    Limiting what he finds his relaxation in is taking away his relaxation - therefore increasing his stress and anxiety.

    You might find that once he's assimilated everything there is to know about Pokemon he'll move onto something else.

    Are you or your husband techy or nerdy enough to challenge his appetite for knowledge?  Are you able to indulge his thirst for data?