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What a meltdown

NAS62869

My child had sports day today. He was called to do the relay race. Turned out they had too many children called up, so my child was left running back and fore trying to find a space for himself. Of course he didn't find one, as there was no space for him. 

Pasrents called out and the teacher told him to go and sit back down. 

If you have an autistic child, you're going to know the results of this. He had a meltdown, burst into tears and this later for 20 minutes or so, in front of his peers and parents. I was not happy with the teachers response at all, when I eventually had a chance to speak to the teacher, he just laughed and brushed it off. 

For my child who has aspergers, it was a BIG deal. Because he's so high functioning, it appears as if he should just 'grow a pair' and get over himself, however that's never goi2to happen. This is who he is.

Anyone else have experience of child meltdowns in this way? Anyone have experience of school teachers just 'not getting it'??.

Thanks

  • There was a child in a class I was teaching and they missed the fruit out at break time.

    When told after break that it was not fruit time, they had a meltdown saying 'I need my fruit, I need my fruit' and just refused to sit down and carry on the day. They were genuinely distressed - although I hadn't been told this child had ASD it was a meltdown I had seen in other children with ASD.

    Being ASD myself I sat them down and said 'what do you think is going to happen if you don't have your fruit today?'

    They said 'my dad told me I need fruit to grow and I didn't have fruit today so I'm not going to grow.' They were sobbing!

    We talked it out and I said 'you will still grow if you don't have your fruit today, you'll have your fruit tomorrow and dinner today and that will help you grow.'

  • in reply to NAS62869

    The school may be autism trained, but that teacher certainly isn't. My daughter has similar struggles only she won't have a meltdown at school she shuts down then blows up up at home. 

    It is totally understandable that this meant alot to your son and to be laughed off is insulting all it does is tell him he doesn't matter his feelings are something to be laughed at. 

    Personally I would write a letter of concern to the school. 

  • Hi. 

    Thanks for replies. 

    I agree that these things happen in life and I try SO HARD to explain this to my son, although his outbursts continue with events like this, due to his aspergers. 

    I do believe we can push boundaries and he can develop emotionally, I encourage this through books etc, and at the same time, he may always find this difficult. I think there's a dialectic here. 

    What I didn't like, was the teacher laughing and brushing it off. To my son, it meant the world in his little head. This school apparently is 'autism trained' too.

  • in reply to qwerty

    Quite right qwerty. Although the teacher should understand and not laugh off any concerns, it will be a valuable tool in life for your son to be able to understand when he is upset, why and how to rationalise and manage it. I believe the reason I leant to survive is that I had no choice and had to learn, and all through life there are challenges and moments that will cause a meltdown. If you cannot understand and manage them they are harder to deal with and life is harder to deal with.

  • I can understand how distressing these things are, but that is life. It is definitely harder for someone with Asperger's, and I agree that the teacher did not deal with the situation well. I agree that it might be a good idea to remind the teachers of the difficulties he faces. But also do not say it's impossible to get over it. You shouldn't set his limits due to his Asperger's, because you are already saying "he will never be able to do xxx". Never say never, because everyone has potential, and I believe he has potential to improve. Guide him in how to get over it, teach him how to forgive others who make mistakes. Give him guidance on how to deal with difficult situations. This way he will adapt better in society when things become even more complicated than school.

  • in reply to I Am Who I Am

    Hi,  so sorry to hear about that experience for your son and you.  I dread those days that are different.  The no uniform day in particular !

    The teacher should have at least a very basic understanding of the children in their care and who needs additional support ànd what that support is.  I would use this opportunity to contact the senco and explain the situation and how it could be avoided. They should be understanding towards your son and be promoting that understanding throughout the school.  Maybe it could prompt a reminder for all the teaching staff and benefit all the children with additional Needs.  I’d definitely report the incident.  Good luck x

  • I can recall many a time like that at school, but unfortunately in my day it was just a case of being told to get a grip and no sympathy. I thought things had changed these days. Obviously not. Disappointing... Sounds like your teacher needs some teaching... I would get some information together on how children with Aspergers struggle with things, print it off, put it in an envelope and pass it to your teacher and ask them to read it.