Posted about him many times I'm sure....15 now, big lad. Got a diagnosis of Aspergers.Not sure if its related to Aspergers or just general bad teenager behaviour. Like most he doesn't listen, makes a mess, is moody and stroppy. Normal I guess. One thing is he generally believes hes so hard done by and thinks we pick on him. In all honestly, he gets away with murder.We try not to get into arguments with him. We warn him then we remove PC priveleges. But he wont take and gets VERY aggressive. He just cannot control himself. In the past, hes been violent towards me.Today, after some typical lazy behaviour that he'd been warned for, he got a 1 day ban. Then he got in my wifes face in a very threatening way. Thing is he would have been back on there by tommorow but hes made it 1000x times worse now.Hes a big lad. What do I do here? Yes understand teenagers can be a nightmare but surely being aggressive towards your mother is just a bit too far.Ultimately, I can see me calling the Police one day and getting him arrested.
How to deal?
Hello, Sorry to hear about your troubles with your son.
Quite often parents report to this site that their child behaves well at school, but behaves badly at home.
Normally I wouldn’t recommend a chemical intervention, but as your situation may well turn violent, perhaps it would be best to ask your GP for something to calm him down.
NAS do have a parent to parent service which you can find here.
Ambitious About Autism are also worth checking out.
Young Minds have a page here about dealing with anger: https://youngminds.org.uk/find-help/for-parents/parents-guide-to-support-a-z/parents-guide-to-support-anger/
It is a difficult situation and getting some sort of professional help isn’t always easy. I would try the NAS helpline first, here. It may be worth pointing out to your son, that if you are left with no choice but to call the police, he may well be sectioned. All the best, Graham.
Yes we go to parents evening and hes the model child! He does take medication at the moment - can't imagine how much worse he'd be without it.
Saying that he has had problems with other kids at school. One other pupil brought a knife to school one day because of any argument with him. Not good but I can how he affects people.
Hes messy, hes lazy etc like all teenagers but he will not accept punishment. He is 1000% convinced his is right and its his right to escalate things as far as he likes inc violence. There are no limits. Last night he got in his mothers face and was saying "Go on then, come on then, lets go for it!".
We've tried to sit him down and explain how serious the situation is and what will happen. In one ear and out the other. If I could arrange a short, sharp shock for him I'd do it in a flash to be honest!!!!
It amazes me sometimes. He will get a one day ban from his PC for bad behaviour. Then he will kick off as hes done and this will end up being a week. It does not seem to correlate that keeping quiet is the best idea. Number of times hes done this about 20-30 now.
He wants to go on a school trip to USA. £1600. Deposits got to be in by end of next week. We sat him down and said he needs to behave it he wants to go. But last night getting his point across, not backing down was more important.
I know that part of the problem is he thinks its his right to get nice things, internet access, new PC, school trips etc.
I'll try those contacts. Im sure I've spoke to them before with not much luck. As you say, its tough to het help.
One of the problems here may be that using his PC is how he tries to calm himself down. In the longer term it will be important to try and stop his stress levels getting so high that things tip over into abusive behaviour.
The consequences of him being taken out of your home put into some kind of secure setting could be very damaging indeed. I do hope that you manage to find the right kind of support.
For many autistic people teenage years can be very volatile and difficult. The differences between us and our peers become very obvious and the pressures at school and college can be intense.
It may well be that the PC represents a kind of lifeline, which is why he fights so hard when he is threatened with it being taken away.
As Graham has suggested sometimes medication can help in the short term while longer term changes are being made. I have found taking anti-anxiety medication and getting psychological support very helpful indeed.
I do hope you find the advice and support you and he need. It is a very difficult and painful situation for everyone. Living in this state of heightened tension is really stressful.
When I was a very difficult teenager (undiagnosed with autism) a psychotherapist friend advised my parents to ignore as much of my behaviour as possible to avoid confrontations. My mother never told me to tidy up my bedroom after that or begged me to join the family and eat proper meals - she just accepted things as they were.
Best wishes to you.
Thanks sunflower. Yes I think you're right about the PC to be honest- its all he cares about.
We don't ask much of him to be honest. Just a very basic consideration of the fact that other people use the shared facilities in the house but he treats the place like a squat. We don;t expect a lot out of him - just a basic consideration that other people live in the house too.
Because of the aspergers he gets every chance - we sit him down and explain. We give him days to sort something out (e.g. please clear up the mouldy food you left in the conservatory, please pick your clothes off the floor so thet can be washed) but he ignores us, he gets a reminder then another one. Then he gets a one day PC ban and it all kicks off.
BTW - he takes 150mg sertraline at the moment.
I know that getting police involved is the last resort. BUT, nothing is working at the moment, hes getting worse and there is the issue of the safety of the other members of the family. Hes much bigger than his mother and hes got a 5 year old little sister (who in the past hes been nasty to). I try not to confront him - hes been violent to me in the past (thrown things in my face, hit me with a water bottle in his hand etc) but me getting involved now is a bad idea so I try not to.
Hey, new here and just browsing the forums, but what you describe is almost a mirror image of the problems my son had when he was living with his mother. She called the police one evening when he got violent thinking they would section him and they ended up arresting him for domestic violence. He spent the night in a police cell cooling his heels off and I had to drive down and sit in on the interview with him in the morning.
It ended OK as no charges were pressed and he was released into my care. But it was a sobering experience for him and not something he has any wish to repeat.
Obviously your situation will be different but I'd just caution that a police section may not be their response to being called.
Best of luck to you.
Thanks. Yes I really dont want to go for that option to be honest. As you say, I dont really trust what will happen.
Hes off again. Twice in two weeks.
Last night we found Coke all over the wall in the room where his PC is. We've got past experience with this sort of thing - hes lost his temper while playing computer games and broken things. Also, hes got a habit of something breaking (even if its an accident) and then just leaving it and not bothering to tell anyone.
Anyway, so we're 99.99% sure hes done this. So wife has a calm word with him and asked him whats going on here. In about 3 seconds literally hes gone from 0 to 100. Hes up in his mothers face (2nd time in a week now), being really aggressive and swears blind that no-one ever believes him and hes got no idea how the Coke got up the wall.
The things worrying us right now are:-
1) His aggression. He seems to think if he disagrees with someone he can get up in their face and escalate things. Let alone the fact that this is his mother we're talking about here.
2) He seems to think that hes not wrong. I've literally heard "I didn't do it and you always accuse me of lying" about 50 times. EVERY SINGLE TIME so far hes been found out. One time he is going to be telling the truth I know but still his average isn't good.
What do we do?
We've removed his PC privileges AGAIN. Mainly due to the unacceptable aggressive behaviour. In all honesty, if he'd admitted he'd done it straight away he would have been give a task to clean the wall, and a warning about his behaviour.
I honestly don't know how hes going to cope in the real world as an adult.
It must be difficult as it sounds like you've got normal teenage stuff which is aggravated by Aspergers. Would it work if instead of banning the PC per se, he just isn't allowed to go on it until he's done the things that have been asked of him? that way it's his choice whether he goes on it or not. That said he probably needs some down time when he first gets home from school but maybe there is an alternative way he can wind down e.g TV; read; exercise?
Yes we've tried this. We've tried a few simple rules too. Just simple things like homework gets done at some point and food is not left around the house. Respect the fact that others live in the house, And no lying and definitely no aggressive behaviour at all.
He gets away with murder to be honest. But still he fails on all of these.
Of course, it takes some getting used to but when hes in your face screaming "go on, go on then lets go for it" (and this is to his 5ft 1in mother) then its a worry.
have you tried calling the autism helpline on here for advice?